To judge the woman on the bus

[IDoughnutKnow]

She was on the bus this afternoon with two children - aged around 3 and 6. The 6yo was jumping around, doing the whole 'look at meeee' thing, standing up, messing around. The younger child had been bribed into submission with a massive doughnut. The mother (and I know she was the mother, as the older child kept addressing her as Mum) spent the entire 30 minute journey on her phone. I could see Facebook, then Instagram, then she was just scrolling around watching videos. Every now and then she would get pissed off and tell the child to sit down and behave and stop bothering the other passengers - when it was evident to anyone with half a brain that she needed to get off her bloody phone and talk to the child.

WABU to judge her hard?

Eh? I said she was hefty. This was a statement of fact. It's hardly an insult. Where did I insult her appearance?

Don’t be a dick. You're calling her fat.

Sainsbury's custard doughnuts are excellent!

Actually I did judge the Mother (quite verbally) who ran her childs buggy into the back of my legs because she wasn't looking where she was going as she was doing something on her phone.

You're making a leap there. There was a lot of her, but I wouldn't say she was fat. Bear in mind I'm one of the teeny-tiny brigade.

@IDoughnutKnow i bet you are. 🤥

30 mins on her phone will her child jumps about on a bus ! Stop making excuses for bloody awful parenting.

@LordEmsworth I love that story!

My ex NDN (relocated abroad temporarily) had 3 DC and with the younger one especially who she did baby she admitted, he played her up a lot and would have full on tantrums up to 4-5 years old, mostly because he could, and wanted his own way all the time.

Her own cousin who lived locally and she saw a lot and the DM’s (NDN’s) DH called his own children feral and would go out all day on a weekend day to escape them. I knew from my own childhood and other’s experiences that they were normal kids on the whole. A family friend’s DS used to have full on tantrums up to age of 10 in public and refuse to move, and only liked marmite and certain other foods as a child. He’s now a successful professional man and married with 2 DC. The NDN’s children are grown a bit older and the last time I saw the tantrumming child he’d grown up a lot and was a pleasure. The other kids still squabbled but I think that’s standard for siblings.

You are seeing a snapshot of her life and in fact I wish you’d criticised her to her face so you could’ve got an earful back from her.

So according to this thread, I'm really a fatty who's come up with a reverse.

Good old MN.

I was that mum 15 years ago. I couldn't control my two sons who were not being all that bad but they were squabbling and wouldn't listen to me. I know I switched off at one point (no mobile phone back then) but a man told me I was an awful mother.
With the benefit of hindsight I suppose it looked like that in the brief snapshot of what the man witnessed that day. But what he didn't know is that I had severe depression, was taking my children home after a long day at work and my husband had left me for the OW. I was depressed, stressed and my children who were 6 and 2 at the time were struggling with everything that was happening. That night I felt at rock bottom and even more like a failure. It was bad enough that 15 years later I still remember that feeling. The woman in your OP may well be a lazy mum but maybe not. It's a brief snapshot in time and maybe she could have engaged with her child but maybe she needed to withdraw for a while. We don't know and never will.
So I say judge silently away, we all do it from time to time but if anyone thinks about saying something to a stranger who appears to be struggling with parenting, please don't. It could be a tipping point for someone.

I'm going to get it printed on a mug.

And I spend my time on the bus writing them in my head.

The mum had no scrunchies or fake nails, either!

Thank you for that LordEmsworth 😁
How's the Empress?

That's very insulting to almost every parent. Spending 30 minutes on your phone doesn't make you a shit parent.
You have no idea what their home life is like. For all you know mum could have spent the entire day interacting with her children and was having a bit of chill out. Or she could have had bad news. Or find it a struggle to leave the house (and who could blame her based on some comments on here).
No one can judge a child's home life based on a 30 minute bus journey.

You'd have judged me in the GP surgery waiting room today, I was sat scrolling through my phone while ignoring my three year old. (I was setting up a playlist for them, they are blind, with global delay and complex health needs, they find new places like the waiting room difficult, last time we were there they screamed for the entire time and I mean SCREAMED. Today I discovered that the headphones I bought for them on Monday really do work and help keep them calm. I hadn't had chance to set the headphones up as today's appointment was an emergency one to check they hadn't aspirated on their own saliva).

You don’t know anything about her or her life.

You seem nice, though. No, really… 🙄

So, OP. You're teeny tiny? Perhaps you could have given her advice on how not to be hefty.

Better that those mums who loudly interact with their tots but it’s clearly for the benefit of those around and not the kid and their either babies or wholly not interested. They try to catch your eye and involve you too. No thanks.

@IDoughnutKnow
Thing is you have no idea what is going on in that parent’s life. Maybe she’d just lost her job. Maybe she’d just lost a relative. Maybe she’s struggling with mental health. As others have said, maybe FB/Instagram is a vital part of her business and she simply had to get something done. You don’t know. Its usually better to focus on one’s own weaknesses and faults rather than those we consider (perhaps incorrectly) that others might have.

life is hard op

But would it fill their little tummies?

Mind your business op

i judged a man who picked his children up from school and spent the whole (walking) journey on his mobile, talking,
poor kids
bloody man!
half a job

Was he on a work call?