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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge the woman on the bus

309 replies

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 19:11

She was on the bus this afternoon with two children - aged around 3 and 6. The 6yo was jumping around, doing the whole 'look at meeee' thing, standing up, messing around. The younger child had been bribed into submission with a massive doughnut. The mother (and I know she was the mother, as the older child kept addressing her as Mum) spent the entire 30 minute journey on her phone. I could see Facebook, then Instagram, then she was just scrolling around watching videos. Every now and then she would get pissed off and tell the child to sit down and behave and stop bothering the other passengers - when it was evident to anyone with half a brain that she needed to get off her bloody phone and talk to the child.

WABU to judge her hard?

OP posts:
Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:25

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 22:20

Accent was neither estuary nor RP!

Interesting that the voting is a slight majority for IABU, whereas the comments are about 90% that way.

because people who think yanbu don't comment, sorry you're being flamed on here for what its worth I get your point

Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:26

NoGoodUsernamee · 29/03/2023 21:04

I love the fact OP you think you’re really cool and aloof for judging someone and acting so casual and nonchalant about it on the internet. 😂 Who knows what sort of person you are, although I have my suspicions.

I am sure you have never judged a single person, ever

Original poster
IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 22:27

@Hiddenvoice I used to be a journalist and might even have culled threads from MN for The Sun in the past. If anyone wants it, they're welcome to it. But I'd hardly say that it was public shaming. If I'd said "the large woman on the Number 73 to Stoke Newington at 4.15PM today who was wearing leopard-skin leggings and a pink bomber jacket" (which she wasn't), that might constitute public shaming. "Random woman on a bus staring at her phone instead of engaging with her children" could cover a whole bunch of people.

OP posts:
Original poster
IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 22:28

Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:25

because people who think yanbu don't comment, sorry you're being flamed on here for what its worth I get your point

Show quote history

Thank you. I can cope with the flaming. I've been flamed on here for nearly 20 years!

OP posts:
Anycolouryoulike · 29/03/2023 22:30

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 22:28

Thank you. I can cope with the flaming. I've been flamed on here for nearly 20 years!

Show quote history

Then you must have known how this thread would go...

Antiquiteas · 29/03/2023 22:30

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 22:28

Thank you. I can cope with the flaming. I've been flamed on here for nearly 20 years!

Show quote history

Maybe you should consider a more constructive hobby?

TheHateIsNotGood · 29/03/2023 22:33

I wonder how many posters regularly travel on buses, if it all. I don't now, purely because it's not a viable option, and I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one.

But then, similar to OP, having a 'challenging' (Aspergers/autistic) dc myself I'd be hyper-viligant in any public space, including buses.

However, many of the yabu responses are truly funny and it's aibu so gotta take it on the chin OP, although yanbu.

Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:34

wow there are some odd views on here, for pp who suggest op is judgemental, there are quite a lot of judgements and assumptions about the op

Anycolouryoulike · 29/03/2023 22:34

I travel on buses all the time. I spend most of that time on my phone.

Anycolouryoulike · 29/03/2023 22:37

Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:34

wow there are some odd views on here, for pp who suggest op is judgemental, there are quite a lot of judgements and assumptions about the op

We judge her judging. 🤷

Messyhair321 · 29/03/2023 22:45

Anycolouryoulike · 29/03/2023 22:37

We judge her judging. 🤷

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you know that everyone judges though right? you know that we all have prejudice? we work on them but they are there
It seems to me that the op was wondering, was throwing the question out, and prepared to be disagreed with, hardly a crime is it

PogoThePunk · 29/03/2023 22:52

The six year old was lively and full of questions?
Sounds like the mother should have shoved the doughnut in the six year olds mouth instead of the younger one.

Mosebjadi · 29/03/2023 23:14

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 21:12

@Mosebjadi Not a hostile question, but genuinely interested: what would you have done in that situation before phones were invented?

Had a nervous breakdown from lack of sleep, no downtime and constantly being hyperalert

bakebeans · 29/03/2023 23:28

theotherfossilsister · 29/03/2023 19:14

She may well have been parenting wonderfully all morning and just needed those minutes. What you saw was a snapshot.

so she decided not to parent at a time it was needed most??

Justdontbejudgy · 29/03/2023 23:30

Nah, mate. Leave it.

Dirtydiesel · 30/03/2023 00:08

Obviously not much happening in your life.

Ponoka7 · 30/03/2023 00:29

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 19:50

I bet you won't be scrolling when your 21 mo is a very bouncy 6 yr old. I bet you'll be talking to him/her instead.

In any case, why does anyone need to have their nose in their phone on a bus?

Show quote history

Because they haven't got data and have to wait until they can get WIFI, which they can on a bus.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/03/2023 00:48

I only came on to check it wasn't me but that's not my family situation

I regularly take my 3, 3 and 7 yos on the bus so yes I'd judge the lack of parenting for the kids causing a nuisance. One of the reasons I tend to think kids that age should get bus seats over able bodied mod-aged adults

Crumpetdisappointment · 30/03/2023 06:40

this is like gladiators
people being judged for judging!
ridiculous

Original poster
IDoughnutKnow · 30/03/2023 08:15

Anycolouryoulike · 29/03/2023 22:30

Then you must have known how this thread would go...

Show quote history

Not particularly. I was idly thinking about it for the rest of my journey yesterday and was interested to know what other people thought. And the actual voting is split pretty much evenly.

I think that most of us judge, even if we don't admit it.

OP posts:
Rhondaa · 30/03/2023 08:45

God, this thread. It's no wonder wherever you go be it restaurants, buses, trains or takeaways there are always kids running around screeching whilst their hapless parents are on their phones.

The time to ignore your kids is at home! Park them in front of the telly with a packet of crisps for as many hours as you like. If you're out in public tell them to ssh and sit down aka parenting,

GoodChat · 30/03/2023 09:22

Rhondaa · 30/03/2023 08:45

God, this thread. It's no wonder wherever you go be it restaurants, buses, trains or takeaways there are always kids running around screeching whilst their hapless parents are on their phones.

The time to ignore your kids is at home! Park them in front of the telly with a packet of crisps for as many hours as you like. If you're out in public tell them to ssh and sit down aka parenting,

Telling your kid to shut up and sit down isn't parenting.

But however you parent, you're conscious of strangers judgments.

Rhondaa · 30/03/2023 09:40

'Telling your kid to shut up and sit down isn't parenting.'

Course it is. Shh sit down here look at this, look at that etc etc. you interact with your kid and keep them from bothering others. Anyone on a bus or a train could've had a shit day they may very well just want quiet time.

Mrsknowitall · 30/03/2023 18:28

If it was me I would of given the jumpy child my phone to shut him up but then I suppose I would of been judged on that too 😂🤔

TomatoFrog · 30/03/2023 18:30

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