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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To judge the woman on the bus

309 replies

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 19:11

She was on the bus this afternoon with two children - aged around 3 and 6. The 6yo was jumping around, doing the whole 'look at meeee' thing, standing up, messing around. The younger child had been bribed into submission with a massive doughnut. The mother (and I know she was the mother, as the older child kept addressing her as Mum) spent the entire 30 minute journey on her phone. I could see Facebook, then Instagram, then she was just scrolling around watching videos. Every now and then she would get pissed off and tell the child to sit down and behave and stop bothering the other passengers - when it was evident to anyone with half a brain that she needed to get off her bloody phone and talk to the child.

WABU to judge her hard?

OP posts:
CrazyLadie · 30/03/2023 18:30

IDoughnutKnow · 29/03/2023 19:39

Again - I wasn't judging the child. I was judging the mum ignoring her until she randomly got pissed off with her, then ignoring her again. The child was being a perfectly normal 6yo who needed her mum to talk to her or at least interact a bit with her.

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Sometimes parents get over whelmed and just need to shut everything out for a few mins. You have no idea what was going on in that was life, what heart ache, what loss, nothing did you know but you judged her. I hope you know that says so much more about you than it does her !!!

Crumpetdisappointment · 30/03/2023 18:31

when mine were little we didnt have smart phones, or any mobiles at all.
no escape from the little darlings
just the shame about their behaviour
they are in their twenties now, thank goodness

Crumpetdisappointment · 30/03/2023 18:32

so without phones we had to interact with them!

CrazyLadie · 30/03/2023 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dandymax1 · 30/03/2023 18:34

I can spend time on my phone on bus journeys and whenever I want. However when my kids are with me, I always make sure they are respectful of others.

Mummy2mybear · 30/03/2023 18:35

What have I just read 🤣 you need to get a life have you nothing better to think about? Do you have kids ?

usernother · 30/03/2023 18:38

See this all the time on our local bus. Sometimes you can tell the children are just wanting some attention from their Mum. It makes me cross.

Skinnermarink · 30/03/2023 18:45

usernother · 30/03/2023 18:38

See this all the time on our local bus. Sometimes you can tell the children are just wanting some attention from their Mum. It makes me cross.

Always mums, is it?

nannykatherine · 30/03/2023 18:59

Wow
24 hrs a day and she can’t get a break ..
maybe it’s the only way she stays calm knowing nosey busy bodies like you are watching her every move ..
the six year old was in “one of those moods “ so she probably knew whatever she did would not work or he / she wouldn’t listen (more judgment from people like you ) so she decided to sit and use her phone to de stress herself ..
You saw a snapshot of her day !!!!!!!’
you have no clue or right to judge her ..

BestWorkOfArt · 30/03/2023 19:05

Skinnermarink · 30/03/2023 18:45

Always mums, is it?

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Dad takes them to McDonald’s and he’s a star for ‘helping’ with the ‘babysitting’. 😅

Justbefair · 30/03/2023 19:29

Yanbu, when I have dc with me they have my full attention even when I've been at work all day without chance to scroll through what I would like to, it's my eyes on them. Unless of course an emergency I was needing to be aware of but even them a quick look.

Seeing so many comments that it's acceptable and you don't know background, sorry no, Facebook etc can wait. Sad state of affairs this can be excused in modern life, like the many times I've seen parents looking on phones scrolling social media and ignoring their kids' behaviour.

Original poster
IDoughnutKnow · 30/03/2023 20:00

Mummy2mybear · 30/03/2023 18:35

What have I just read 🤣 you need to get a life have you nothing better to think about? Do you have kids ?

Read the full thread (or at least my bits of it), and you'll get your answer.

OP posts:
Original poster
IDoughnutKnow · 30/03/2023 20:03

I think part of the problem is that there are people on MN now who have grown up with smartphones, so think it's normal to spend their time mindlessly scrolling, even when there are more important things to be doing (like interacting with your young children).

It's also setting them a crap example of phone etiquette.

OP posts:
Redragtoabull · 30/03/2023 20:08

Totally disagree with most on this. Keep your children in check to learn social skills around others and if they misbehave at that point then what are they getting away with at home? We all have bad days with the kids, but as adults who brought another life into this world, we suck it up, no time for downtime until bedtime! Be a parent, not a friend foremost, they learn from you/us and put your god damn phones away and interact with your children and society, FFS!! So tired and bored of this namby pamby crap that has created Gen Z (I'm a creator unfortunately) who do fuck all, so what hope is there for the next 'de'generation. Answers on a postcard 😂

Sillybanana · 30/03/2023 20:45

No you are definitely NOT being unreasonable. I hate this kind of thing and you see it more and more. Snapshot my arse.

LlynTegid · 30/03/2023 20:48

Even if they were angelic, I think ignoring your children for 30 minutes on a bus journey I think is unreasonable.

usernother · 30/03/2023 20:49

@Skinnermarink Always mums, is it?

Yes, I've never seen dads with kids on our bus. But I'm not on it every day.

Bbq1 · 30/03/2023 21:17

pompei8309 · 29/03/2023 19:54

And she gave up her “ wonderful “ parenting skills in a public place? give us a break will you? if she allows the kid to behave like that in public I can guarantee at home it’s bloody mayhem

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This exactly.

MrsLighthouse · 30/03/2023 21:23

It’s nice to feel superior isn’t it ? The kids were 3 and 6 ! The phone was probably the only thing keeping her sane 🤪

5128gap · 30/03/2023 21:46

I would be less annoyed at a child jumping up and down on public transport than I would having to overhear someone pointing out endless doggies, police cars and Daddy's office in their mum voice. Which probably makes me very churlish. On the other hand, a baby eating a doughnut would annoy me not at all. Unless the jam got on my coat.

Hellomotto2 · 30/03/2023 21:51

Easterfunbun · 29/03/2023 19:20

You lost me with the massive doughnut. Get a life.

this 😚

CelestiaNoctis · 30/03/2023 22:09

Take off your rose tinted glasses and remember what it was like when your kids were little. It's very easy to judge someone based off a small window of their day. It seems like you were sitting close enough to be spying on her phone, maybe you could have spoken to the kid if it bothered you so much.

mandlerparr · 30/03/2023 22:29

LMAO at the idea that you think her paying attention to the kid would have stopped it. All that would do is tell the kid that if they are annoying enough, mom will stop whatever she is doing to pay attention to them. That is not a lesson you want the kid to learn.

SylvieB74 · 30/03/2023 23:59

Princess Diana used to take her kids to McDonald’s
Also where do you get massive doughnuts from? I’ve only ever seen normal sized ones

savethatkitty · 31/03/2023 06:47

I'm judging you. Hard.