To judge the woman on the bus

[IDoughnutKnow]

She was on the bus this afternoon with two children - aged around 3 and 6. The 6yo was jumping around, doing the whole 'look at meeee' thing, standing up, messing around. The younger child had been bribed into submission with a massive doughnut. The mother (and I know she was the mother, as the older child kept addressing her as Mum) spent the entire 30 minute journey on her phone. I could see Facebook, then Instagram, then she was just scrolling around watching videos. Every now and then she would get pissed off and tell the child to sit down and behave and stop bothering the other passengers - when it was evident to anyone with half a brain that she needed to get off her bloody phone and talk to the child.

WABU to judge her hard?

Excellent. Horribly excellent.

We can always come out with 'but we don't know what else was going on for her'. True, but most half-decent parents can manage to pull something out of the parenting bag in that kind of situation, however crap/upset they are.

Wow, so a mum having a quick break on the bus is worth you judging them and trying to humiliate them online?!

You have no idea how her day is going, she may have been the best parent ever by your standards but did it in another public place, without your judgemental vision watching over her. Or like all of us parents she might have had a really crappy day and needed a breather. A quick scroll on social media or being on her phone does not make her a bad parent.

Let’s hope this lady isn’t on here and reading your judgmental post.

This.

You must have a sad life

A therapist should be able to help with this.

Incredible to think that what would have been considered common sense - that you try your best not to impose upon or annoy other people- is now 'going against the grain'. 🙄

I’m as judgy as the next person, but coming onto MN to start a thread about a dull-arse situation like this is next level.

Actual footage of the OP….

Remember when you could get 10 jam doughnuts from Tesco for 60p ? Those were the days 🥳

Gosh, no wonder I got some looks when I got on the bus the other day with my five rowdy children, each of them on their iPads with no headphones, me on my phone swigging a can of G&T. I did stub my cigarette out on my shoe before I got in the bus, so not completely uncouth.

But seriously, I would love to have seen a massive doughnut! I only see regular or mini sized ones. Are you sure it was massive, or were you just very, very close?

I’d have judged her too. Hard. If she needed the break then she should have had it at home.

Morrisons do 5 custard donuts for 85p but they're grim. Asda donuts are 5 for a quid and much nicer.

End of public service announcement.

Based on a snapshot it's easy to make assumptions. But I have a friend who has autism, as do both her children. She hates bus and train journeys but cannot drive. I suspect in a similar situation she'd be on her phone to partly distract from the fact of having to travel and partly to 'decompress' from parenting her children.

It may be that the woman you saw on the bus was lazy. It may be that she'd had bad news and was taking half an hour to 'escape'. It may be that she'd been parenting hard all morning and needed time out. We'll never know.

So do exactly the same, but on the sofa at home? I can't see the difference?.

Cakeeeeee

Yeah, I'm judging hard too. It should have been a massive salad.

McDonalds.

If you'd used a phone to type that, it probably would have autocorrected and you wouldn't have had another tick on the 'Twat' checklist.

Whenever I travel by bus (I don't now - see below) I always carry a long 'thwacking' stick to deal with this sort of event.

It seemed to work pretty well at keeping the proles at bay, until the buggers at the council rescinded my bus pass.

Ah well.

I spent 3 mins looking at my phone while I was waiting to get my eldest from school and I had my one year old in the buggy looking all around.

I know people like you would've judged me but honestly it's a tiny snapshot and anyone looking wouldn't know the full picture.

Baby dd was unwell and not sleeping and I'd been at home giving her my full attention all day and awake with her for large chunks of the night. She's been smothered in love, kisses and cuddles. I have zero family support and dh was out at work. It's been full on.

I needed those 3 mins. Maybe the op had some similar situation that you couldn't have known about going on.

30 minutes is actually quite a long bus journey. She must have noticed you staring for that length of time.

Very interesting debate really, because I do agree. I interact with DD on the bus / in public because she's a menace otherwise. Consideration to others & makes my life easier, & her happier. And if I want to relax i.e. actually finish a meal I let her watch something on my phone once the allure of any RL toys or entertainments has gone.

BUT of course I also sometimes let her have Rice Crispies for breakfast sit at home mindlessly scrolling my phone whilst letting her watch too much TV so I get some peace & quiet.

I also agree with PP that OP you are a judgey-pants & you can't tell a person's parenting in one snapshot. No matter what the evidence in that bus ride was. You may secretly think that, of course. (Also taking two young children on a bus is a feat).

Ooh are you one of those mums who talks to their toddler about Shakespeare on the bus, so loudly so everyone can hear how fab you are when in reality we just feel sorry for the kid who would be much happier with a doughnut and a discussion about Peppa pig? I do judge those mums a bit actually, because I cringe that they don’t realise everyone knows they’re doing it for show. Atleast this mum was just being real, getting on with her day as best she could without exhausting herself by pretending to be something she’s not.

I don't think @IDoughnutKnow is trying to humiliate the mum online, I think this bothered her, and to be honest it would bother me a bit if I saw this. I would like to think of parenting an interactive, you are right it might just be a moment that OP saw but we don't know that do we?
Though that to say OP shouldn't be wondering and posing a question on an anonymous forum is a bit of a contradiction

Actually, it does have something to do with the rest of us if children are growing up without boundaries and not getting enough attention and guidance from their parents. These kids end up in school and eventually out in the world on their own. We see plenty of judgement of kids like that on MN.

Maybe you didn't quite understand. I wasn't judging anyone for performance parenting, I wasn't defining performance parenting, I was talking about people judging you whatever you do because there is always some busybody deciding you are doing it wrong.

I hope that has helped you to understand the post.