AIBU to think this is a complete waste of bloody money now?!

[TheScreams]

For Christmas, DH booked us a weekend away. In reality, what that means is that at 10pm on Christmas Eve, DH realised he hadn’t bought me a bloody Christmas present and so booked an airbnb hut on a campsite for next weekend. He spoke to a relative we were staying with for Christmas and they agreed to have DS and DD for the weekend (booked from Saturday to Monday). I tried to be grateful at the time and not express that it was bloody obvious that he’d thrown it together at the last second and not given it a single second of actual thought.

He spoke to the relative a few weeks ago and they told him they can only look after DS and DD from 8pm Saturday until 8am Monday. So, we’ll get to the campsite from midnight on Saturday and will have to leave by 4am on Monday. He’s also not planned anything for the dogs so they’re coming too - so, on Sunday, our only day there, we can’t do anything that’s not dog friendly. But DH didn’t think to mention this until today.

I live in a bloody national park so I’m not sure why my Christmas present is travelling across the country, for “two nights” where I don’t get a decent night’s sleep on either and then get to have a dog walk and to sit in a pub for the day. I could bloody well do that two minutes from my house!

It’s bloody non-refundable. It feels like a complete and total waste of time and money to go on this trip. AIB a complete bitch to be completely ungrateful for this “gift” that actually just sounds like shit?

This

I'm a stubborn bitch, so I'd be telling him now the arrangements have changed I am not going and I'm not sorry if his precious feelings are hurt.

If he wants to make a real gesture in future, he needs to work out the practicalities first.

If it were me then I’d suggest either he goes or you go, (with or without the kids) and the other person stays home. No point you both going all that way for such a short time because of the poor childcare timings. Alternatively, can someone else look after the kids until your relative can have them so you can set off sooner?

I’d be annoyed he hadn’t planned it better but at least he did spend money on something he hoped would be nice…even if he hasn’t had the skill to properly sort the dogs and kids. If you get totally pissy you’ll probably never get anymore gifts at all!

I’d kindly point out that it’s going to be exhausting as it stands, so one of you needs to stay home.

It’s not a rubbish present, the circumstances have made it not ideal.

@TheScreams if I was you I’d say look your saying you thought it would be nice I’m saying I don’t think it will be nice so let’s send the children onto the childcare as planned and have 2 days at home to have a proper sleep and order in/go out for dinner. Ps I’m taking myself for a facial while you clean the house for the start of our staycation 😘

The chance to go away for 2 nights child free would be unreal, literally, for me! Just go for one night and get someone to look after dogs? However badly it may be thought through, maybe just let it go and go away somewhere nearer for a night away? Cut your losses, enjoy actually going away together some way or other

Treat the hut as a sunk cost. Use the childcare and get DH to book Sunday lunch locally.

DH and I both have online lists for gifts, not romantic but far less stressful and we both get what we want.

Awful present especially in April, cold no electricity, not a chance in hell would I be doing this.

I second that idea

A HUT with dogs? Haha...sorry. I'd be visiting my lawyer on the Monday asap.

I'm guessing you didn't read the bit where the OP won't get theee until midnight

Oh sorry I didn't read the whole thing. No, don't throw more money at the arsehole husband.

Dinner out locally with kids staying at relatives = yes

Spunking even more cash to stay in a nice local place make up for the crappy hopeless husband = no

God I would hate this.

It's like when your husband lovingly hands you a bunch of flowers that you then have to find a vase for, cut the stems and arrange as you prep dinner.

Or does the dishes then lovingly squeezes your bum as you sort out the washing machine, 'subtly' letting you know he expects sex because he's done something 'for you'.

Just because it might have been pricey, doesn't mean it isn't the absolute bare minimum of thought and effort. If he'd said he'd booked the relative for two nights for you to stay home and reconnect as a couple over a pizza and some movies, I suspect you'd be 100 times more 'appreciative'.

If Op packs the useless H, kids and dogs off on Friday it's guaranteed that they will all be back on Saturday afternoon. H will have some pathetic excuse because he didn't actually want to do any parenting.

Much better for the Op to either go by herself or with a friend. Though to be fair it wouldn't appeal to me at this time of year.

😂 I know, it sounds hideous and yet there are people here berating op for being ungrateful!

Gift it to someone else and use the childcare for doing whatever the fuck you want.

I’d sit him down and explain every aspect of why ur so upset from the lack of thought and planning to the cost to the child care etc etc - it is the only way that you will get it through to him that u don’t want it to ever happen again. And when you go try and find some good in it so he doesn’t start telling you that you didn’t make an effort to enjoy it. Good luck!

Great idea.

I think a thread on "Presents that men have given us and they're still alive thread". I'd have a few to add. 😄😳😇

Okay, I'd have more than a few but hey, he's still alive...😉

Roughing it on a campsite with your dogs isn't a romantic weekend away, might it actually be more fun if you took the kids, had the full time and a family adventure?

This was really NOT a gift for YOU. It was a gift he gave you that he felt HE would enjoy. It's like getting the non-sports interested wife season tickets for football or baseball. Buying a BBQ grill for his wife when he is the BBQ/Smoker fan boy.

I think, for Father's Day, you should get him a certificate for a mani-pedi and a deep hair conditioning treatment. Some cookware or other household item you've been wanting but not getting because we just don't do that often.
A new vacuum might get the point across...
Is that passive-aggressive? Maybe, but some men just blank everything you say out and hear only what they want to hear. Sometimes they need a wake-up call or the same treatment before they realize their behavior wasn't kind or thoughtful.

Air BnBs are usually refundable up until the day before. Even on the day you can get a partial refund. Other option is to take the kids so you got more time

Not being unreasonable at all. I’d be raging. Sounds awful. Agree with other suggestions to either go with a friend or to tell him to go with the kids and you stay home. Or - tell him to go with a friend and you’ll spend the same money on an actual trip you want to go on another time.

I wouldn’t waste it if I had spare cash, I would try and find someone for the dogs or kids or go with a friend or relative or let him go with kids, friends or relatives.

Ditto! I camped with my family when I was a child/teen. Subjecting myself to bugs, rain, bugs, walking to the toilets, bugs, pay showers and bugs is not my idea of a fun time. My DS and DH go camping so they can rock climb. In a tent. At places with outhouses. They always invite me to go and my reply, "Sorry guys, but at my age, my idea of roughing it is a hotel without room service. But, have a great time and don't bring any bugs home."
They have finally realized that when they are gone, I AM vacationing! No driving, no packing luggage, no trying to remember if I turned off the tv. 😉