Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it ever ok to steal?

130 replies

Kayem458 · 29/03/2023 10:12

Went to do my food shopping early yesterday morning to get it out of the way. Arrived at 7, left at 7.30. Checked my bank this morning, my card was used twice in the shop, I’d paid for my shopping and gone home. My amount was showing as pending and a second amount for £21.35, called the bank first thing both were contactless payments (I’ve obviously left my card accidentally on the machine it was a self serve checkout). Bank confirmed card was used at 7.39 so whoever went to that self serve after me used it. Bank we’re fine and raised it as fraud however I spoke to two advisors, both were lovely and helpful might I add, but the first one said ‘well times are hard for people with cost of living crisis’ and the second said ‘at least it was only 20 quid could have been more’.

I’m going to the store today to give them the exact time for their cctv and I’m also calling 101. Is it just me or does anyone else agree that stealing is stealing no matter the amount? I have really struggled financially in the past and not been able to afford food, heating, bills etc that ‘20 quid’ would have needed to last me a good few weeks, the nights I’ve gone to bed hungry and stealing never crossed my mind! I’m pretty annoyed that the attitude to this is quite throw away, or is this just life now and it’s me overreacting?

OP posts:
Frozendaquiri · 29/03/2023 10:15

It most probably wasn't a person who was facing actual hardship, more than likely just a thieving scumbag.

Sparklfairy · 29/03/2023 10:16

Sounds a bit like the first advisor was saying that they've seen a rise in this sort of thing and put it down to COL, rather than excusing it. And the second was clumsily saying it could have been worse?

Stealing is never okay obviously, but cases of shoplifting and what happened to you inevitably rise when people are struggling. It doesn't condone it, and I don't think they were either.

TheEliminator · 29/03/2023 10:20

Good for you for reporting it. The store probably won’t do a lot either though, just so you’re warned. I heard that even if they catch them red handed, if it’s under £100 they just let them go and ban them from the shop. No idea if that’s urban legend but it was certainly the case when my neighbour’s daughter was caught stealing sweets for her illicit tuck shop at school 🤔

User639762456 · 29/03/2023 10:20

On here people think it is fine to steal and you must turn a blind eye.

No it is not okay to steal

Kayem458 · 29/03/2023 10:26

Thank you all for making me feel normal! X

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 29/03/2023 10:31

Lots of people think it's fine to be dishonest generally. people in my office openly talk about their husband's / partners working cash in hand and another work mate had a friend who was an elderly lady who was stealing and giving the stolen stuff as presents to my colleague and she just accepted it. I was in our local tesco express a few weeks ago and saw two blokes loading up carrier bags full of chicken and ready meals and just walked out the store. The store staff just shrugged and did nothing.

Minfilia · 29/03/2023 10:33

I’m on the fence really.

Up until recently I’d have said no - but DD and I were in the supermarket recently and there was a couple in there trying to steal baby food. They noticed that I’d looked at them, and when I mentioned it to DD she said “if it’s baby food they’re stealing then I’d have just left them to do it to be honest”

I guess if you really need to steal to survive, or to feed your DC, then I would turn a blind eye…but I’d question in my mind why food banks/GP/churches/the Samaritans weren’t the first port of call…

GettingStuffed · 29/03/2023 10:36

I was in Greggs , by a bus station, when a homeless man walked in and walked out with a sandwich without paying. I felt so sad that he was in the position he had to steal a sandwich.

Chickenly · 29/03/2023 10:36

I think that there are times when it is ok to steal. I do not think that this is one of those times. I don’t think that the times is it acceptable to steal come up as often as some people think.

coldmarchmorn · 29/03/2023 10:37

Stealing is never okay obviously

Nothing is that black and white. There are instances when stealing is ok.

OP's scenario not being one of them.

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

Trollsinmyeggbox · 29/03/2023 10:38

I think there's a spectrum. Someone using your bank card, no, that's not ok. Someone stealing baby food from a supermarket that is charging astronomical prices and revelling in their profit margins? I care a lot less about that.

Trollsinmyeggbox · 29/03/2023 10:39

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

What you're saying is absolute nonsense. "Take some responsibility, wear a longer skirt, you're as culpable as your rapist!"

Fuck off with that narrative.

Neededanewuserhandle · 29/03/2023 10:39

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

Top victim blaming. It's so depressing that the default assumption is that a person finding a card will be a thief.

Hoppinggreen · 29/03/2023 10:39

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

Bollocks
Leaving your bank card there is a bit daft but it doesn’t give anyone the right to steal from you .
The person stolen from is not “equally responsible as the thief”. Awful, entitled attitude

Ichosetheredpill · 29/03/2023 10:40

GettingStuffed · 29/03/2023 10:36

I was in Greggs , by a bus station, when a homeless man walked in and walked out with a sandwich without paying. I felt so sad that he was in the position he had to steal a sandwich.

I had this in a Costa in Guildford. Homeless man was putting food inside his coat so I paid for it for him. The staff twigged what was going on, took him to a table and when he knocked his food on the floor because his hands were shaking the staff replaced it all for free and brought him a drink. I think there are times when compassion is the greater good but not card fraud, obviously.

Chickenly · 29/03/2023 10:40

Minfilia · 29/03/2023 10:33

I’m on the fence really.

Up until recently I’d have said no - but DD and I were in the supermarket recently and there was a couple in there trying to steal baby food. They noticed that I’d looked at them, and when I mentioned it to DD she said “if it’s baby food they’re stealing then I’d have just left them to do it to be honest”

I guess if you really need to steal to survive, or to feed your DC, then I would turn a blind eye…but I’d question in my mind why food banks/GP/churches/the Samaritans weren’t the first port of call…

People steal baby food to sell on. Babies almost all the time can just eat food. The people who steal baby food and formula do it because they know people will turn a blind eye because they make the same assumption you did.

coffeemoon · 29/03/2023 10:41

It's not OK to steal in this scenario but I think you're giving the bank advisers a hard time.

They will have seen an increase in this sort of thing recently, and it's true that you're lucky it wasn't more, it easily could have been. There's nothing wrong with what they said to you.

Chickenly · 29/03/2023 10:41

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

Do you have no self-control?

takealettermsjones · 29/03/2023 10:44

There is a massive difference between stealing out of necessity and just being an opportunistic thief.

The people who stole from OP would not have known they would find a bank card, so there are two possibilities:

  • they entered the shop with the means to pay and intending to do so, in which case they were not doing it out of necessity, or
  • they entered the shop intending to steal but then decided last minute that it was easier to pay with someone else's card than try to get away unnoticed.

The second option is more morally grey but I reckon it's very unlikely that two separate people were doing this in the same supermarket within the space of three hours.

Minfilia · 29/03/2023 10:44

Chickenly · 29/03/2023 10:40

People steal baby food to sell on. Babies almost all the time can just eat food. The people who steal baby food and formula do it because they know people will turn a blind eye because they make the same assumption you did.

You could well be right, but I find that really sad!

(I must admit I did wonder why their child wasn’t with them…)

Kayem458 · 29/03/2023 10:45

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

Were you in Asda yesterday morning at 7.30? 🤣

OP posts:
clocktock · 29/03/2023 10:46

When I was early teens I was a prolific shoplifter. I was bloody good at it I thought. Nowadays I think actually a lot of people turned a blind eye to a very underweight girl stealing food. I was starving during school holidays, addict parents and I had young siblings. I did it to survive at the time.

So although I do think it's wrong to steal, I do also u derstand why some people end up feeling like they have no choice.

Daydreamer123456 · 29/03/2023 10:46

ThreeblackCats · 29/03/2023 10:37

It’s not ok to steal, but similarly, it’s your responsibility to pick up your bank card.

You can’t blame people, if they are hard up and you leave your bank card at the till, for taking advantage.

Take some personal responsibility for your own actions. you are equally as responsible as the thief!

What a load of shite!

If I came across a bank card, wouldn’t even enter my head to use it!

Daydreamer123456 · 29/03/2023 10:46

Kayem458 · 29/03/2023 10:45

Were you in Asda yesterday morning at 7.30? 🤣

🤣🤣

Swipe left for the next trending thread