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Original poster

To stay friends with a thief ?

89 replies

TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 19:55

I honestly don't know what to do and I think I'm in a shock.

I've been friends with "Sarah" for thirteen years and today she had a lovely shade of lipstick on so I asked where she got it from and how much it was.

When I asked how much it was she wiggled her fingers (five finger discount).

This kind of opened up a rabbit hole and her saying all her make up was either free or half price.

To cut a long story short basically at the start of her shopping trips she'll buy some make up, go put it in her car and then when she's shopped around she'll go back to the store and pick the same items up off the shelf and return them or she'll pick up another shade or whatever and exchange them with the receipt of the original items.

I didn't really want to go in to the ins and outs of this. I didn't even know this was possible, I thought the shops would have some sort of system in place to prevent this from happening.

I don't know how she manages this whether she only does it ever so often or in different places. I changed the subject pretty quickly.

Sarah had always been a free spirit of sorts but I didn't think she was a thief and she's not remorseful, I don't think she's gonna stop and I just feel guilty by knowing like I'm an accomplice of some sorts.

I genuinely don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 28/03/2023 20:18

That would put me off someone. If you have ever gone shopping with her I imagine that will stop now. She’s bound to be caught at some point at least you’ve dodged th shame if being there when she is

Azandme · 28/03/2023 20:19

It speaks to who she is as a person - and that is someone who is fundamentally dishonest.

I couldn't be friends with someone like that.

Ktime · 28/03/2023 20:22

She’s a disgusting excuse for a human. Bin her off.

Ponoka7 · 28/03/2023 20:22

If she's stopped they'll know that she hasn't bought the item because it will be a different bar code. If you are with her then you'll get searched and possibly taken to the security office. I don't know if I'd end the friendship, but I wouldn't go shopping with her.

Chowtime · 28/03/2023 20:23

I think she'll get caught one of these days.

In store cameras focus on small but valuable items such as make up/batteries/razors/chargers so they will work out what she's doing if she keeps doing it.

But surely she only needs a bit of make up - she can't be doing this dozens and dozens of times?

Ktime · 28/03/2023 20:25

Ponoka7 · 28/03/2023 20:22

If she's stopped they'll know that she hasn't bought the item because it will be a different bar code. If you are with her then you'll get searched and possibly taken to the security office. I don't know if I'd end the friendship, but I wouldn't go shopping with her.

The only shop I know that has a different barcode for every single item is H&M.

All other shops use the same barcode for each time i.e. one barcode for one product line.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/03/2023 20:27

It's put me off a person. I certainly wouldn't go to a shop with them!

CalistoNoSolo · 28/03/2023 20:29

I couldn't be friends with a lowlife like this.

MrNook · 28/03/2023 20:30

Ktime · 28/03/2023 20:22

She’s a disgusting excuse for a human. Bin her off.

Bit of an extreme reaction

WilsonMilson · 28/03/2023 20:31

Cannot stand thieves. Couldn’t be friends with her and would tell her exactly what I thought of her disgusting behaviour.

MrNook · 28/03/2023 20:34

It wouldn't stop me being friends with someone but I wouldn't go shopping with them. I had a friend who always had nice clothes on but whenever I ask where it was from it had been shoplifted.

It didn't put me off her but I didn't go shopping with her again

Throwncrumbs · 28/03/2023 20:35

Surely that’s suspicious in that the receipt would have the same date on it, buying something then taking it back a couple of hours later would surely be flagged up as suspect to the sales assistant, wouldn’t they call for a manager? I know I would!

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 28/03/2023 20:36

MrNook · 28/03/2023 20:34

It wouldn't stop me being friends with someone but I wouldn't go shopping with them. I had a friend who always had nice clothes on but whenever I ask where it was from it had been shoplifted.

It didn't put me off her but I didn't go shopping with her again

And she just openly tells you? 😳

Chowtime · 28/03/2023 20:36

My friend used to work in tesco, would buy something to wear on a night out and then take it back to the store for a refund.

OnTheBoardwalk · 28/03/2023 20:37

I def wouldn’t going shopping with her again

i had an x friend who told me she wouldn’t think twice about telling any lie if it was to her advantage. I just felt constantly wary of her and couldn’t trust her as we didn’t share a basic value

EmpressOfTheSofa · 28/03/2023 20:39

Er, isn’t makeup pretty much always non exchangeable/refundable?

Original poster
TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 20:40

Throwncrumbs · 28/03/2023 20:35

Surely that’s suspicious in that the receipt would have the same date on it, buying something then taking it back a couple of hours later would surely be flagged up as suspect to the sales assistant, wouldn’t they call for a manager? I know I would!

This is what I thought but she mentioned she "exchanges" the product so she might say she got the wrong shade or she's changed her mind. I'm not sure.

I definitely won't be going shopping with her again. I'd be mortified especially knowing what she does whether she was caught or not.

It's just hard after 13 years but I don't know if I can look at her the same.

OP posts:
slowquickstep · 28/03/2023 20:41

I would find new friends

Original poster
TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 20:42

EmpressOfTheSofa · 28/03/2023 20:39

Er, isn’t makeup pretty much always non exchangeable/refundable?

I thought this, kind of like underwear really but I'm guessing if it's unopened can they really refuse? Like I say, I don't know the ins and outs of it or what she does.

OP posts:
ThisIsWednesday · 28/03/2023 20:43

My family member is thrilled when deliveries are left outside her door. It means she can claim they were left in an unsafe place and have been stolen. The company either resends the items or issues refunds. If they resend them then family member just sells them all on Facebook marketplace.

She once bought her child an expensive gaming item for Christmas. By May the kid was bored of it so family member pulled off a part, called it not fit for purpose and took it back for a £300 refund. The shop refused but did give a replacement. She sold it, brand new unopened for just under the original price via marketplace before she left the car park.

Same family member walks round supermarkets drinking soft drinks (from there) then puts the empties on the shelves. Last time I saw this I picked them up behind them and placed them on the conveyor saying, "Whoops! You almost forgot these, silly!".
Her husband also tried to give our kids some sweets directly from the supermarket pick and mix and I thanked him but told my kids no and then had to have the "pick and mix before paying is stealing" talk with them.

I want very little to do with them. It may not be mugging people on the street or breaking into houses but theft is theft.

Hawkins00 · 28/03/2023 20:43

I've always been given the advice, first it's wrong, second if you do need to steal, make sure it's worth it, and only if you'll most likely make the history books so to speak

samantha0709 · 28/03/2023 20:45

I wouldn't go shopping with her ever again. But I wouldn't ditch her as a friend for that. Us humans do all kinds of weird, sometimes unethical things at points in our lives. I personally have done worse things in my life than nick a few things of make up. But I'd maybe advise her to stop. It would be such a shame to get a criminal record for something so unnecessary, she might not be able to get a visa for some countries like the USA.

BevMarsh · 28/03/2023 20:45

I'd not end the friendship but as others have advised please don't go shopping with her.
Id' not make excuses if she asks- I'd bluntly tell her it's because she's a thief.

Greenfairydust · 28/03/2023 20:45

I would end the friendship.

She is a thief and I would struggle to trust her after that because I would wonder what else she is dishonest about and how it could affect me.

Marinapeppina · 28/03/2023 20:47

I think I would just categorise her as "a bit dodgy" in my mind. That might mean a distance grew between us.