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Original poster

To stay friends with a thief ?

89 replies

TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 19:55

I honestly don't know what to do and I think I'm in a shock.

I've been friends with "Sarah" for thirteen years and today she had a lovely shade of lipstick on so I asked where she got it from and how much it was.

When I asked how much it was she wiggled her fingers (five finger discount).

This kind of opened up a rabbit hole and her saying all her make up was either free or half price.

To cut a long story short basically at the start of her shopping trips she'll buy some make up, go put it in her car and then when she's shopped around she'll go back to the store and pick the same items up off the shelf and return them or she'll pick up another shade or whatever and exchange them with the receipt of the original items.

I didn't really want to go in to the ins and outs of this. I didn't even know this was possible, I thought the shops would have some sort of system in place to prevent this from happening.

I don't know how she manages this whether she only does it ever so often or in different places. I changed the subject pretty quickly.

Sarah had always been a free spirit of sorts but I didn't think she was a thief and she's not remorseful, I don't think she's gonna stop and I just feel guilty by knowing like I'm an accomplice of some sorts.

I genuinely don't know what to do.

OP posts:
ArcticBells · 28/03/2023 21:26

I could not be friends with her but then I've been burgled by someone who was an acquaintance of mine. I could never trust your friend.

Original poster
TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 21:26

Sortyourlifeout · 28/03/2023 21:19

How old is she, OP?

We're both early 30s

OP posts:
Original poster
TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 21:29

starfishmummy · 28/03/2023 21:22

That's shops not ships!!

To quote your previous post I don't know why she'd be winding me up about it.

I understand shops have no obligation to refund or exchange items but if you went back the same day and said "I picked up the wrong shade earlier can I exchange it for this one?" Would they be likely to refuse? I don't really know how it all works. I've never returned anything even if it was wrong.

OP posts:
Bucketheadbucketbum · 28/03/2023 21:33

MrNook · 28/03/2023 21:24

No it's not.

why would you be friends with someone with no morals?

she's not trustworthy

Calling someone a disgusting excuse for a human is, in my opinion, a very extreme response

But it is disgusting

She's goady about stealing

That's both morally wrong and disgusting

Sortyourlifeout · 28/03/2023 21:59

TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 21:26

We're both early 30s

Show quote history

Given her age, there is no way I could continue the friendship unless she is willing to change. Have you spoken to her about the deceitfulness? About how her behaviour could have a massive impact on others?

I did something very similar when I was a young teenager; I stole a bra. The next day I got caught stealing a lipstick. I was searched, and they found the tags from the bra in my pockets. I was marched back to the shop and made to pay for the bra. But being the cocky little shit I was, the next day I went back to another branch, took a bra off the shelf, and took it to customer services and used the reciept from the previous day to get a refund.

I'm now 43 and I think of this often. It still makes me feel extremely guilty.

But your friend is 30. There really is no excuse.

ExpatInSlavikLand · 29/03/2023 06:29

Honestly, with such a lack of morals she's an absolute lowlife. I'd end the friendship.

Plus, can you truly say you'll ever be able to let her into your home again? Do you really want to have to be monitoring her behaviour when she visits and having to do an inventory of your belongings once she leaves? Now she's stealing makeup, but what about when she moves onto bigger, more high value things?

GoodChat · 29/03/2023 06:40

It's shitty behaviour and I wouldn't go shopping with her but I'm not sure I'd end the friendship.

Does she behave like this in other situations too?

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 29/03/2023 07:24

She is not for me. At the very very least I would never go anywhere public with her, I once knew someone who had a large collection of very nice cutlery from a Australian casino. I’m sure the staff noticed as he would take something every time he had dinner in the good restaurant.

RedRobyn2021 · 29/03/2023 07:33

There's likely a reason that she does this and it's probably that she's troubled.

You can still be her friend and disapprove of her stealing, be there as an option to support her if she wants to change her behaviour. Or you can distance yourself, it whatever you feel comfortable with.

Shoxfordian · 29/03/2023 07:35

She doesn’t have any integrity so it’s up to you if you want to stay friends with someone like that

xsquared · 29/03/2023 07:37

RedRobyn2021 · 29/03/2023 07:33

There's likely a reason that she does this and it's probably that she's troubled.

You can still be her friend and disapprove of her stealing, be there as an option to support her if she wants to change her behaviour. Or you can distance yourself, it whatever you feel comfortable with.

Or she's doing it just because she can? It's not like she's stealing essential items.

determinedtomakethiswork · 29/03/2023 07:44

RedRobyn2021 · 29/03/2023 07:33

There's likely a reason that she does this and it's probably that she's troubled.

You can still be her friend and disapprove of her stealing, be there as an option to support her if she wants to change her behaviour. Or you can distance yourself, it whatever you feel comfortable with.

She may well be troubled but she may also be greedy and always have an eye out for things she can't afford. To be honest I wouldn't trust her in my own home.

Ladybyrd · 29/03/2023 07:50

My family member is thrilled when deliveries are left outside her door. It means she can claim they were left in an unsafe place and have been stolen. The company either resends the items or issues refunds. If they resend them then family member just sells them all on Facebook marketplace.

Oh, they may well get their comeuppance. Some contractors (which Amazon deliveries and even courier companies like DPD sometimes use) share information on complaints with the driver. It does as a black mark against the driver and their team. When they're running around all day til 8 or 9 pm, working flat out to get a bonus, and they don't get it because someone is lying, it doesn't go down well. It has been known for drivers to make a follow up visit, to enquire what happened to their parcel.

This person sounds like true scum.

Ladybyrd · 29/03/2023 07:51

OP, 13 years is a long time to know someone before finding out something like this. No, I wouldn't go shopping with her. Not sure I'd bin a friendship of that duration over this, but it would certainly change my opinion of her.

Beautiful3 · 29/03/2023 07:51

This reminds me of when a friend had a different dress, every Saturday night out. She was drunk and told me, that she keeps the tags on, and returns them every Monday for a new dress 🤮

happysingleversary · 29/03/2023 08:22

That's going to get picked up on security cameras.

I don't see a moral problem stealing from large corporations but she's not stable or she's very dumb to risk getting a criminal record for some lipstick or doesn't realise shops have CCTV with people dedicated to watching people and finding stuff like this, and they may well press charges.

KimberleyClark · 29/03/2023 08:31

I don't see a moral problem stealing from large corporations

Really? Even though this ultimately increases costs for everyone? Stealing is stealing.

Bucketheadbucketbum · 29/03/2023 09:13

happysingleversary · 29/03/2023 08:22

That's going to get picked up on security cameras.

I don't see a moral problem stealing from large corporations but she's not stable or she's very dumb to risk getting a criminal record for some lipstick or doesn't realise shops have CCTV with people dedicated to watching people and finding stuff like this, and they may well press charges.

Wow!!!!! You don't see a moral problem with stealing!!! You should be ashamed

OneTC · 29/03/2023 09:50

happysingleversary · 29/03/2023 08:22

That's going to get picked up on security cameras.

I don't see a moral problem stealing from large corporations but she's not stable or she's very dumb to risk getting a criminal record for some lipstick or doesn't realise shops have CCTV with people dedicated to watching people and finding stuff like this, and they may well press charges.

I think there's less mural consideration than stealing from an independent shop BUT I don't believe anyone that says they selectively steal. Stealing is like lying, it either comes easy to you or it doesn't

OneTC · 29/03/2023 09:51

Moral consideration!

potniatheron · 29/03/2023 09:58

Yeah, it's a NO from me. People who are proud of getting 'five finger discounts' tend to have a 'me first and sod everyone else' type of attitude to all kinds of things. We live in a society and I don't like people who don't acknowledge their obligations to others.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/03/2023 10:01

“Free spirit”? 🤣 No, a criminal.

Cherrysoup · 29/03/2023 10:01

I couldn’t be friends with someone like that. Arsehole behaviour.

happysingleversary · 29/03/2023 10:11

KimberleyClark · 29/03/2023 08:31

I don't see a moral problem stealing from large corporations

Really? Even though this ultimately increases costs for everyone? Stealing is stealing.

Inflation does that, that's always going to happen.

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