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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stay friends with a thief ?

89 replies

TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 19:55

I honestly don't know what to do and I think I'm in a shock.

I've been friends with "Sarah" for thirteen years and today she had a lovely shade of lipstick on so I asked where she got it from and how much it was.

When I asked how much it was she wiggled her fingers (five finger discount).

This kind of opened up a rabbit hole and her saying all her make up was either free or half price.

To cut a long story short basically at the start of her shopping trips she'll buy some make up, go put it in her car and then when she's shopped around she'll go back to the store and pick the same items up off the shelf and return them or she'll pick up another shade or whatever and exchange them with the receipt of the original items.

I didn't really want to go in to the ins and outs of this. I didn't even know this was possible, I thought the shops would have some sort of system in place to prevent this from happening.

I don't know how she manages this whether she only does it ever so often or in different places. I changed the subject pretty quickly.

Sarah had always been a free spirit of sorts but I didn't think she was a thief and she's not remorseful, I don't think she's gonna stop and I just feel guilty by knowing like I'm an accomplice of some sorts.

I genuinely don't know what to do.

OP posts:
DannyZukosSmile · 28/03/2023 20:48

I'm no Angel, and I am not saying my shit don't stink, but I could NOT be friends with this woman. Openly admitting she is a thief and LOL-ing about it! WTAF??? Confused

Some young single mum who is struggling and nicking baby milk or nappies or packet/tinned food with a long-ish sellby date, I would 'get.' But this 'friend' sounds like a fucking arsehole.

I agree with the poster @Ktime who said bin her off as she is an awful person WTAF??? .

xsquared · 28/03/2023 20:48

I think I'd just tell her she should pay for it and that it's not worth getting caught.

If she reacts badly, then I think I'd distance myself from her.

DannyZukosSmile · 28/03/2023 20:49

ThisIsWednesday · 28/03/2023 20:43

My family member is thrilled when deliveries are left outside her door. It means she can claim they were left in an unsafe place and have been stolen. The company either resends the items or issues refunds. If they resend them then family member just sells them all on Facebook marketplace.

She once bought her child an expensive gaming item for Christmas. By May the kid was bored of it so family member pulled off a part, called it not fit for purpose and took it back for a £300 refund. The shop refused but did give a replacement. She sold it, brand new unopened for just under the original price via marketplace before she left the car park.

Same family member walks round supermarkets drinking soft drinks (from there) then puts the empties on the shelves. Last time I saw this I picked them up behind them and placed them on the conveyor saying, "Whoops! You almost forgot these, silly!".
Her husband also tried to give our kids some sweets directly from the supermarket pick and mix and I thanked him but told my kids no and then had to have the "pick and mix before paying is stealing" talk with them.

I want very little to do with them. It may not be mugging people on the street or breaking into houses but theft is theft.

Fuck 'very little to do with them...' I would be going 'no contact' with this 'family member' instantly. They sound toxic and vile.

drpet49 · 28/03/2023 20:50

Greenfairydust · 28/03/2023 20:45

I would end the friendship.

She is a thief and I would struggle to trust her after that because I would wonder what else she is dishonest about and how it could affect me.

This. I couldn’t be friends with someone like this.

xsquared · 28/03/2023 20:51

ThisIsWednesday · 28/03/2023 20:43

My family member is thrilled when deliveries are left outside her door. It means she can claim they were left in an unsafe place and have been stolen. The company either resends the items or issues refunds. If they resend them then family member just sells them all on Facebook marketplace.

She once bought her child an expensive gaming item for Christmas. By May the kid was bored of it so family member pulled off a part, called it not fit for purpose and took it back for a £300 refund. The shop refused but did give a replacement. She sold it, brand new unopened for just under the original price via marketplace before she left the car park.

Same family member walks round supermarkets drinking soft drinks (from there) then puts the empties on the shelves. Last time I saw this I picked them up behind them and placed them on the conveyor saying, "Whoops! You almost forgot these, silly!".
Her husband also tried to give our kids some sweets directly from the supermarket pick and mix and I thanked him but told my kids no and then had to have the "pick and mix before paying is stealing" talk with them.

I want very little to do with them. It may not be mugging people on the street or breaking into houses but theft is theft.

That's disgusting.

How do they get away with claiming non delivery every time though? Surely the delivery companies have tracking and photographic evidence of delivery?

Ktime · 28/03/2023 20:53

MrNook · 28/03/2023 20:30

Bit of an extreme reaction

Show quote history

Why? She’s stealing make-up, hardly a life essential. If she was on the breadline and stealing breadline then I could understand.

OneTC · 28/03/2023 20:54

Ponoka7 · 28/03/2023 20:22

If she's stopped they'll know that she hasn't bought the item because it will be a different bar code. If you are with her then you'll get searched and possibly taken to the security office. I don't know if I'd end the friendship, but I wouldn't go shopping with her.

Most shops if they do this they use RFID tags rather than different barcodes

OneTC · 28/03/2023 20:55

I know people who are thieves, I find it pretty off-putting.

I like to be able to trust my friends

AlwaysGinPlease · 28/03/2023 20:57

In the bin with Sarah!

WhoWants2Know · 28/03/2023 21:07

I don't know, she could just as easily be having you on. If someone asked me how much I paid for something, I might be annoyed enough to make up some bullshit.

LimeCheesecake · 28/03/2023 21:07

xsquared · 28/03/2023 20:51

That's disgusting.

How do they get away with claiming non delivery every time though? Surely the delivery companies have tracking and photographic evidence of delivery?

Show quote history

Assume they just have photographic evidence they left it in the doorstep - so unsafe and someone walking past could steal it. That’s why many couriers won’t leave on your doorstep now and insist on ringing the bell and taking a photo of it inside a doorway.

LimeCheesecake · 28/03/2023 21:08

OP - certainly don’t go anywhere with her. I think I’d make less time for her.

xsquared · 28/03/2023 21:10

WhoWants2Know · 28/03/2023 21:07

I don't know, she could just as easily be having you on. If someone asked me how much I paid for something, I might be annoyed enough to make up some bullshit.

Seems like a lot of effort to go just to avoid saying how much it was.

xsquared · 28/03/2023 21:11

LimeCheesecake · 28/03/2023 21:07

Assume they just have photographic evidence they left it in the doorstep - so unsafe and someone walking past could steal it. That’s why many couriers won’t leave on your doorstep now and insist on ringing the bell and taking a photo of it inside a doorway.

Show quote history

Yes, our delivery person usually takes a photo of the item inside the porch, even if dh is in and then his feet are also in the photo!

whynotwhatknot · 28/03/2023 21:15

she sounds lovely

makeup isnt essential so i woldnt be imrpressed-if a woman or man was stealing food to eat thats different

PortmeirionTiles · 28/03/2023 21:15

LimeCheesecake · 28/03/2023 21:08

OP - certainly don’t go anywhere with her. I think I’d make less time for her.

Also the fact that she clearly thought OP would be ok with it! If someone is so blasé about stealing that they can talk about it so casually then they’re in pretty deep.

Bucketheadbucketbum · 28/03/2023 21:15

She's rotten at the core

Sortyourlifeout · 28/03/2023 21:19

Chowtime · 28/03/2023 20:36

My friend used to work in tesco, would buy something to wear on a night out and then take it back to the store for a refund.

I don't think this is ok, but certainly not in the same league as stealing.

Sortyourlifeout · 28/03/2023 21:19

How old is she, OP?

missyounot · 28/03/2023 21:21

It is the calculated and persistent dishonesty that I find deeply off-putting. On the other hand, I would have sympathy with a poverty-stricken person stealing food because they couldn't afford to buy it.

starfishmummy · 28/03/2023 21:22

TheJudgeandJury · 28/03/2023 20:42

I thought this, kind of like underwear really but I'm guessing if it's unopened can they really refuse? Like I say, I don't know the ins and outs of it or what she does.

Show quote history

Yes they can refuse, because unless an item is faulty ships are not obliged to take returns.

But are you sure she isn't just winding you up?

starfishmummy · 28/03/2023 21:22

That's shops not ships!!

MrNook · 28/03/2023 21:23

Why? She’s stealing make-up, hardly a life essential. If she was on the breadline and stealing breadline then I could understand.

I think calling someone a disgusting excuse for a human for stealing lipstick is extreme

MarchMadness23 · 28/03/2023 21:23

MrNook · 28/03/2023 20:30

Bit of an extreme reaction

Show quote history

No it's not.

why would you be friends with someone with no morals?

she's not trustworthy

MrNook · 28/03/2023 21:24

No it's not.

why would you be friends with someone with no morals?

she's not trustworthy

Calling someone a disgusting excuse for a human is, in my opinion, a very extreme response

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