DH took woman's number

[stripytiger09]

Am I being overly dramatic?
DH went out with work colleagues this afternoon to watch the football and have a meal, and then went to the local pub when he got back for one final beer while I was travelling back from seeing family.
He was pretty drunk when he got home, told me a bit about his evening with his colleagues and then fell asleep on the sofa.
He's lied to me previously about stuff but he's never cheated. I had a weird gut feeling, something was off, so I decided to have a look at his phone. Nothing untoward aside from a phone number in the Notes section with a woman's name, time stamped at the time he was at the local pub this evening.
What am I meant to do with this info? Confront him? If I confront him then I'm telling him I looked at his phone, which I'm now severely regretting!!

Evil Genius. Love it.

It's some next level snooping to look in notes. What made you look there?

What's really happened in the past to make you snoop to this extent? Is surely more than you're making out.

Whatever it is has clearly destroyed your trust and honestly I'd consider leaving, when there is so little trust there you feel compelled to go through the phone in so much detail. That can't feel good for either of you.

If you do t trust the relationship is dead.

Many of us don’t feel the pull to check out partners phones. I wouldn’t have a clue who half the people are in my DPs and I’ve got plenty of male numbers in my phone either for work, hobbies or school parents.

Just talk to him. Tell him the trust has gone, and see where you go from there. It’s up to you if you want to stay with someone you don’t feel is honest with you. It’s up to you to work out whether you are right to feel this way or if you misjudged it.

My DH has lots of work clients, he doesn’t speak to them often but sometimes he’ll need to contact them so keeps their info stored on a different part of his phone, mostly men but some women. It could be work related or there could be other intentions, address it with him directly, you’ll be able to tell by his reaction.

An intelligent person wouldn't be in a relationship with a "shifty type" in the first place.

Odd scenario all round. Why would he put a number in Notes rather than contacts? What on earth made the OP check the Notes app at all, of all places? I'm one of those who's taken all sorts of people's numbers in pubs for all sorts of non-cheating reasons so I'd consider that a lot more normal than a partner snooping through my phone - which is "instant dump" territory.

Changing the phone number by one digit sounds slightly unhinged tbh.

Putting phone number in notes?

I do it all the time... Often for one off contacts that i don't want in my main phone list... Abd also so i don't have to remember that dave smith is tje builder bloke /window cleaning

This is completely innocent on my part... Just how i organise things for me!

This. In spades. Intelligent people need to know rather than have doubt or the Sword Of Damocles. Snooping is knowledge You have to have knowledge, especially when that person has been a shifty type in the past. It's called learning from previous experience and going with your gut.

And if you snoop and find nothing? Will you be reassured, or will you still distrust your partner? If you're "going with your gut" then chances are you will still distrust your partner. If you can't trust your partner, then you should probably be splitting up anyway and nothing needs to have happened.

If you’re happy snooping through your partners when he’s asleep then the relationship is already dead, move on.

Any number of legitimate reasons the number could be on there but let’s be honest, you wouldn’t believe them.

Agreed.

Your relationship is in trouble, no matter whether he's cheating or not. You don't trust him.

reading threads like this on a Monday morning makes me genuinely happy to be divorced and single.

Another one here who'd be done if my partner snooped through my phone, or if I felt I had to snoop through my partners phone. What's the point when the trust is gone in the relationship anyway

Are you going to ask him?

Oof. If it is innocent OP you could have a bit of a problem on your hands. And if it isn’t then you still do!

Have you talked to him today?

there may be an innocent explanation - but i dont blame you for being suspicious

I think the fact he's saved it in Notes as opposed to 'as a contact' tells volumes - he doesn't actually want to keep it as a contact, but didn't feel able to say 'sod off' when given the number

It makes me grateful for DH

Everyone finding @Barleysugar86's story so unbelievable is sort of proving her point. Presumably there's further context that she's not mentioned and there's a reason he would have been clearing out the bag, for example he/they are going away and this is an overnight bag that she knows has not been used for ages, perhaps since they went away together pre-TTC.

In the same scenario, it would be infinitely more plausible to me that the condom wrapper was from a previous trip we took together and that it just fell out onto the floor like he said, rather than the chance that my husband was having a full blown sexual affair, possibly in our bed at home.

I think @Barleysugar86 is right. If you would find it more believable that your husband was unfaithful than that an old condom wrapper fell out of a rarely-used bag, it signifies quite deep issues in the relationship.

I see the good old MN ducking stool is being wheeled out.

He is cheating = LTB
He isn't cheating = the trust is gone, so LTB

Pretty brainless really, isn't it?

Woman goes to pub and gets drunk. Male partner of woman goes through her phone finding the name of another man saved as a note. The man changes the number to his mate's as an elaborate trap. All his mates congratulate him on his sneakiness.

Sounds weird doesn't it............

Yes, much more sensible to throw away a 10 year relationship based on a hunch.
If I felt a need to check my partners phone because something felt off, then I would. I wouldn't just think 'oh I feel the need to check this random behaviour hes displaying out, better just end it now'.

And whats with all this about people need this incredible amount of privacy from their husbands/wives. Well, yes, I wouldn't dream of looking at a random unknown persons phone! Thats private. But what exact privacy or secret things do people have on their phones that their partners are unware of? I'd much rather be in a realtionship with someone where we, you know, actually share stuff with each other. If you have secrets from each other to the point of needing a bloody phone to be kept under lock and key and never to be seen by your significant other, and if god forbid they had a LOOK at your phone, its a sackable offence, what kind of relationship is that? Far more untrustworthy if you ask me.

A loving, healthy relationship is surely based on openness and sharing aswell as trust.

I think I'd of left the number as is OP, and then waited to see if he called it/messaged it. or as someone said, ask him who X is, say he mentioned something last night when drunk. If its innocent and indeed someone who will be whipping up a cake for him next weekend, he'll just tell you. if it isn't he'll be all confused and come out with something rushed and utter bollocks and then you'll know.

Unusual to go into notes. Is his note section something you’d normally wonder about?

That's ridiculous.
What if conversation went the way of "I play tennis at X club ..

"I wanted to join there but you need to be recommended

"Drop me a whatsapp and I'll send you the info

This is utterly hilarious!

This is utterly hilarious