DH took woman's number

[stripytiger09]

Am I being overly dramatic?
DH went out with work colleagues this afternoon to watch the football and have a meal, and then went to the local pub when he got back for one final beer while I was travelling back from seeing family.
He was pretty drunk when he got home, told me a bit about his evening with his colleagues and then fell asleep on the sofa.
He's lied to me previously about stuff but he's never cheated. I had a weird gut feeling, something was off, so I decided to have a look at his phone. Nothing untoward aside from a phone number in the Notes section with a woman's name, time stamped at the time he was at the local pub this evening.
What am I meant to do with this info? Confront him? If I confront him then I'm telling him I looked at his phone, which I'm now severely regretting!!

The relationship isn't in a good place if you feel the need to snoop. It's in an even worse place if you're finding things.

That fact you found a number is neither here nor there, really.

As another poster said, the woman's number could relate to anything at all. Could be about a school reunion, a sofa for sale, free tickets for a gig. Anything at all.

The fact you chose to snoop is the problem.

I believe when you're at the stage of snooping on someone else's phone, it's time to call it a day.

I'd certainly call it a day if anyone snooped on me/my phone.

You casually ask him in the morning who [woman’s name] is and say he was talking about her in his sleep.

I hope you’ve taken a photo of the notes page.

Great idea! 👏

Clever! I'd be pretty pissed off and I'd confront him, but like PP it may have meant nothing and he was just being a dick or it was a confidence boost for him

God, some people are weird. Dh and I, and our teenage DCs all have access to each others phones and know we can check stuff any time if we want. I rarely do but my kids know it's an option. I wouldn't expect DCs to check ours but they do know our pin numbers. We can all access the family ipad and each others' laptops as well.

I have never checked DHs for stuff like this because I trust him, plus we are both too much of a luddite to know what you mean by 'notes'? If DH put a phone number into his contacts I don't think I would realise. But I handle most of his emails and do his banking. He can look at my banking as our 'joint' account is in my name so he has access to all my bank accounts on the main site. He also uses my facebook to look at marketplace, as he doesn't do FB, so again has access to 'my' stuff. He uses my Amazon account and we each have fairly interchangeable ebay logins.

Of course we all like a degree of privacy for personal messages etc - but if you can't look at each others' phones and general messages then you shouldn't be married!

Sorry you've seen this OP - I hope it turns out to be innocent but either way, don't let him or anyone else make you feel guilty for looking. If your spidey senses tell you to check, and he's done wrong - then you are vindicated, not out of order!

How was your night at the pub?

@Barleysugar86 exactly. Your story reminds me of the time I came home and found my partner in bed with the lady next door. Her boiler had broken and she then fell into her pond and got very cold. DH immediately got her into bed and they shared body heat as any good neighbour would.
As soon as they'd finished dressing we all had a good laugh.

OP, I’m not going to tell you to ignore your intuition.

But I have male colleagues’ numbers in my phone. My DH certainly has female colleagues’ numbers in his phone.

Why are you leaping to assume this is nefarious? Maybe they’re friends?

Stripy, don’t feel bad for investigating. You had a niggle because he was acting off and avoided mentioning the pub. And he has form for lying to you.

I would tackle this in the morning. “DH, tell me about X.”

Good luck.

Because the number wasn't in the phone, it was in the notes section and it was a while he was in the pub, which he hadn't mentioned being in.

Why would he add the number in notes and not as a contact?

If he had added it as a contact would have even noticed?

@LondonPretty Hahaha lets see you not snoop when you get the feeling your partner is not being truthful or cheating.
Also trusting someone 100% to not cheat and fuck up is ridiculous.

what would you do ? your husband starts acting strangely and keeping his phone a little hidden from you? you going to just straight up dump him because your questioning him?? Of course not!! but what? are you going to just not do anything when you think hes sleeping around, BUT how will you EVER find out if not to do a bit of snooping but ALSO if he is cheating and you find the evidence then techniquelly who cares if you snooped, You arnt together now anyway unless you decide to still stay!

This! What the fuck, 90% of the posts on this thread are unhinged.

I'm glad someone said it!

Why is he even walking around with condoms in a bag-that he barely had used- in the first place.🙄

I bet alot of snooping takes place. Sounds broken on both sides imo

As you clearly don’t trust him, then why stay together? This number could have been for anything op. Has he cheated before?

The ones who moan about snooping are funnily enough the ones who have been up to no good, just saying.

Love this!

Oh. Right. It was in the notes.

Well. Case closed. He’s definitely sleeping with her.

@Barleysugar86 I can't tell if your naive or just a genuinely lovely person who sees the best in people. I hope he deserves you.

I wouldn't have thought to look in notes. Is this a thing now, putting numbers in notes? Why not add to contacts? I'm missing the point probably.

I agree with @Tarantellah @LondonPretty et al.

If you reach the stage if wanting to snoop you should have a direct conversation, however uncomfortable.

Going into the Notes tab is pretty invasive, seems like a thorough snoop, not just looking at recent texts. Could be a work contact, and that’s why it’s in notes.

But I hope you get to the bottom of it, and it turns out to be harmless.

He may be cheating but it's quite a leap. Is there no reason at all for a man to take a woman's number that isn't simply cheating (especially given you've no reason to suppose he's done it in the past)? Was it a full name or first name? It could be in notes to pass to a third party. She might have a business he wanted to buy something from as a surprise for you. She might be someone looking for a job in the company given he was out with work. And yes she might be someone who he met and is going to contact for illicit purposes.

You'll either have to tell him or never know the truth.

What made you look in the notes? That would never enter my head.

Weird that he used the notes section which would include a date and time?

Wouldn't he just put the number in his contacts?

Do you know everyone in his contacts? Would you notice a new number?

Don't change the number. He could text a random woman and that could cause issues if she's in a relationship!!