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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:41

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:36

"I don't think its very subjective, no."

Ah well, if you can't accept that food choice is subjective I fear you are in for a lifetime of irrational anger.

Food choice is subjective obviously.
I'm sorry you so badly misunderstood the point. And have moved on to "irrational AIBU is for you, you don't see to understand any of it.

Stravaig · 26/03/2023 13:42

I'm enjoying the thought of future OP stranded somewhere remote, shops and hostelries non-existent or shuttered for the night, where her only hope of sustenance and shelter will be a hospitable local, kind enough not to mock her entitled metropolitan ways.

It was a caring gesture, from someone who lives a very different kind of life. Something to be welcomed and celebrated, not publicly shamed.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 13:44

Mamette · 26/03/2023 11:41

I would have felt sorry for her and wondered if her life was a bit closed off. Maybe she had once attended a getting-ready and there was a successful pasta bake there and she wanted to re-create that. God knows. Other people’s food normality can be wildly different from
one’s own. Just “oh no thanks, I’ve already eaten” is usually sufficient.

I think this is it. Maybe she'd been to an event where everyone was blazing after drinking on an empty stomach or something and she thought pasta bake would save the day!
I would never dream of asking to be reimbursed for making a pasta bake...it does seem strange.
I think it's weird you've never discussed it with friends tbh!

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 13:44

It’s not caring if you book for it.

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:44

"You are assuming again. I'm not cross, how very odd of you to even suggest it (not to mention arrogant!) Youre also still assuming lots not in evidence about this scenario."

You pulled me up on saying she provided a charcuterie, when I of course should have said 'some small charcuterie type stuff.' This seems pedantic and irrelevant. You might want to reflect on that. Also, getting cross - an assumption I have made based on the tone and content of your posts - is a bit silly when (1) I have admitted making assumptions, (2) you are also making assumptions, (3) pretty much every post on AIBU relies on people reading a post and making an assumption informed by the presented facts.

MrsDoylesDoily · 26/03/2023 13:44

Bamboux · 26/03/2023 12:01

I knew you'd have one. The laboured style shows a mile off.

As does the appalling wannabe snobbery re. 'small-towners' not knowing about 'charcuterie'. Dead giveaway of someone who moved from a small town very recently.

This in spades ^^

I've just cringed myself inside out 😫

Adrieeeeenne · 26/03/2023 13:44

Not at all weird to think of it 5 years later - it’s a memory of a weird moment! What the hell do all the MN people who don’t think about this kind of thing do with their brains at 3am?! 😁

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 13:44

Bill!! If you bill for something it’s not caring.

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 13:45

Is anyone interested in my lentil soup incident of 1995?

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:45

"Food choice is subjective obviously.
I'm sorry you so badly misunderstood the point."

Please clarify your important point.

Imtryingnottobother · 26/03/2023 13:46

@Emotionalsupportviper There are many possible scenarios.

The least likely to me is a group of friends asking someone to make a pasta bake for a night out in London.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:47

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:44

"You are assuming again. I'm not cross, how very odd of you to even suggest it (not to mention arrogant!) Youre also still assuming lots not in evidence about this scenario."

You pulled me up on saying she provided a charcuterie, when I of course should have said 'some small charcuterie type stuff.' This seems pedantic and irrelevant. You might want to reflect on that. Also, getting cross - an assumption I have made based on the tone and content of your posts - is a bit silly when (1) I have admitted making assumptions, (2) you are also making assumptions, (3) pretty much every post on AIBU relies on people reading a post and making an assumption informed by the presented facts.

Oh dear. You really are struggling. I've explained how I'm not making assumptions, did you not get that? You made assumptions, I provided possible alternative explanations. They are not assumptions.

I pointed out your error on the charcuterie thing because you had misunderstood in a manner that changed the context entirely, and you were wrong.

Again, very arrogant of you to imagine that you could make me cross!

You are pasta bake woman and I claim my five pounds!

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 13:47

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 13:45

Is anyone interested in my lentil soup incident of 1995?

Yes!! Please do tell.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:48

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 13:45

Is anyone interested in my lentil soup incident of 1995?

Of course we are!

(Well those of us who are able to think past last week are )

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:49

Adrieeeeenne · 26/03/2023 13:44

Not at all weird to think of it 5 years later - it’s a memory of a weird moment! What the hell do all the MN people who don’t think about this kind of thing do with their brains at 3am?! 😁

They probably sleep? But I don't think they do all that much with their brains when they aren't asleep anyway...😄

endoftheworldniteclub · 26/03/2023 13:51

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 13:45

Is anyone interested in my lentil soup incident of 1995?

Obviously!

Peachy2005 · 26/03/2023 13:52

@Edinvillian Lasagne reheats pretty well though, doesn’t it? Pasta bake really doesn’t, I’ve noticed recently.

There is a creation called pasta pie which can be made either with bolognese sauce or passata. Kids and adults seem to love it, it slices like a cake and reheats pretty well so might be fun for future fishing trips/group events…use rigatoni pasta though and put a tray under the springform tin to catch any overflow 😋

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:52

"You are pasta bake woman and I claim my five pounds!"

Never made one in my life but wouldn't give two shiny shits if someone turned up with one, especially if it had been expected and discussed in the chat. Maybe I'd eat it, maybe I wouldn't, would depend on my mood and what it looked like.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:53

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:52

"You are pasta bake woman and I claim my five pounds!"

Never made one in my life but wouldn't give two shiny shits if someone turned up with one, especially if it had been expected and discussed in the chat. Maybe I'd eat it, maybe I wouldn't, would depend on my mood and what it looked like.

Nobody knows if it was expected, or how it was discussed in the chat.

NatashaDancing · 26/03/2023 13:56

ComtesseDeSpair · 26/03/2023 12:00

I don’t think this story is quite as odd or funny as you’re portraying it as. Some friends coming to visit agreed that somebody would make a pasta bake and costs would be shared. You didn’t read the messages properly and didn’t realise there would be pasta or that you’d be expected to contribute to the cost. Is pretty much the story.

That sounds bonkers. That would make sense if they were traveling from London to somewhere remote in the countryside with no shops or restaurants nearby. There's no need to lug cooked meals to London.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/03/2023 13:57

"I wouldn't personally want to eat pasta before going out,"

May I ask why? You're supposed to line your stomach aren't you?

Ourladycheesusedatum · 26/03/2023 13:57

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 13:45

Is anyone interested in my lentil soup incident of 1995?

Of course, I'm still trying to think of my food related stories, the menopause is killing my brain cells 30 or 40 at a time.

spirit20 · 26/03/2023 13:57

Not sure if its already been asked but I'd love to know how much she expected each person to pay for this marvellous pasta bake?

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:58

"Nobody knows if it was expected, or how it was discussed in the chat."

Now you're being silly.

You know, I am enjoying this but the last time someone was this argumentative with me on mn it was about 15 years ago and it was about something important, I think vaccinations. I didn't really think anyone would respond to my opinion on this humble pasta bake. Maybe we can agree to disagree. I do think I'm allowed to interpret the situation and motives of pasta bake woman and have my own opinions on what I'd eat before a night out aren't I?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 13:58

Jeez the meatball story is bizarre. The mother doesn't sound well