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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 12:18

Yes you were snotty. And snobby. How dare someone make a pasta bake while you're getting into your cocktail dress and preparing for an elegant and expensive night out? The peasants! And 5 years after the non-event you're slagging them off on the Internet.

And being snippy and sarky with posters here. You think you're coming across as funny and lighthearted but you come across as just unpleasant.

cinnamonbiscuit · 26/03/2023 12:18

Omg OP 😂 I actually thought you were another member of my own friendship group because I’ve experienced an almost identical scenario with a pasta bake and a dispute about payment on an Airbnb holiday. In our case the pasta bake provider refused to contribute towards our £100+ food/ booze shop because the (v mediocre) pasta bake was her contribution. We still discuss it to this day, it was absolutely outrageous.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 12:20

This reply has been deleted

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Dangelis · 26/03/2023 12:21

After years, I've finally perfected my formula for the perfect Sunday afternoon Mumsnet fight!

It's not just about having the right ingredients (food, perceived snobbery, etc.), it's about how I put them together, I reckon.

God, now I wish I really did have a shit blog.

OP posts:
Dangelis · 26/03/2023 12:23

EddieSteady · 26/03/2023 12:18

Yes you were snotty. And snobby. How dare someone make a pasta bake while you're getting into your cocktail dress and preparing for an elegant and expensive night out? The peasants! And 5 years after the non-event you're slagging them off on the Internet.

And being snippy and sarky with posters here. You think you're coming across as funny and lighthearted but you come across as just unpleasant.

I think my main mistake was using a big word like "charcuterie" when I should have said "pig bits" or something to avoid being accused of thinking I'm The Queen.

OP posts:
SalviaDivinorum · 26/03/2023 12:23

Would you feel the same if it had been a well made pasta bake or is it just because she was a terrible cook?

endoftheworldniteclub · 26/03/2023 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh but I agree with you @limitedperiodonly . See what I wrote a bit further up. Dh and I joke about things like this that happened 20 years ago..it won’t be funny to others but it is to us. Your nutmeg story was very sweet and made me smile.

BillyNoM8s · 26/03/2023 12:24

You sound very disparaging about these clueless villagers. And I say that as a born and bred Londoner, who was raised on charcuterie alone!

I've never been to King's Lynn but I bet their Tesco has packs of cured meat - you were hardly bringing a taste of the exotic 😅

You didn't pay for the bake. You didn't eat the bake. And it seems you didn't read the messages about the bake, otherwise you would've known there was a baked-dish mission afoot.

Did she cough up for a slice of Parma ham?

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 26/03/2023 12:25

I need to know more about this. Was it that she asked so rudely once, or asked about it repeatedly?

And yes, I would laugh about it with my husband too, or at least once the embarrassment had subsided.

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 26/03/2023 12:25

Sorry, my post was aimed at @limitedperiodonly

Coffeetree · 26/03/2023 12:26

I get it OP. Performative and annoying. I bet she always tilted her said, "I'm the mum of the group" with a modest shrug.

Nearly 20 years on, I'm still Aggrieved about the Pay-your-Way hipster hostess. Two hipsters invited our new friend group to theirs to watch films and have some food. I think I brought a bag of crisps but they had a gorgeous spread of hors d'oeuvres. One of them was a professional caterer. Wow!

Except they kept fucking talking about how expensive the ingredients were, until one guest offered a little money, and the rest of the guests followed suit. I think they were leftovers! Unfortunately I was too young and shocked to take a stand, but never saw them again.

IAmTheWalrus85 · 26/03/2023 12:26

SalviaDivinorum · 26/03/2023 12:23

Would you feel the same if it had been a well made pasta bake or is it just because she was a terrible cook?

Sorry to derail but I’m not convinced there is such a thing as a well-made pasta bake. I’ve never had one I really enjoyed. They’re just a way of cooking pasta in advance so it can be heated back up in the oven.

endoftheworldniteclub · 26/03/2023 12:26

@limitedperiodonly But no, I think you and your dh are probably well suited, same as my dh and I. So no need to marry each other, although we might have had a laugh who knows. 😂

MajesticWhine · 26/03/2023 12:27

There must be a reason you are still thinking about this. That's the interesting thing (although it is a funny story).
Thinking about it after all this time must be serving your psyche in some way.

Bellisina · 26/03/2023 12:27

I too have a pasta bake story I’ve been unable to forget. A friend moved three hours away and begged us to visit, so in the end me and two friends made the journey down there. Within ten minutes of arrival she was sobbing and talking about how she hated the town, her boyfriend, and what a terrible mistake she had made. It was very odd and awkward as she refused to be consoled and then insisted everything was great! After she calmed down she made us all dinner- chicken pasta bake!- and I took two bites and realised the chicken was raw. She laughed loudly and put it back in the oven, then spent the rest of the time it was cooking assuring us that ‘raw chicken isn’t that bad.’

After dinner we went to get ready for a night out- which we are rather less enthused about following her rant about the town earlier. She seemed almost hysterical with excitement, but less than an hour after we arrived at the pub she got a bit weird and stroppy. Kept having a go at us for being loud (we were laughing in the corner of a very noisy crowded pub) and then when her boyfriend joined us she went completely silent and just sat glaring at the three of us and whispering to her boyfriend until we left.

The next morning she was all smiles again, woke us up at 8 and said she had made breakfast. We came downstairs to a single piece of bacon and toast each and a shared bowl of cold scrambled eggs before being ushered out of the house before 9 so her boyfriend could watch some sport on the tv.

As we drove home, we got a text from her thanking us for coming, saying she’d had an amazing time, and asking us for £4.45 each for the food. We were all utterly astonished. I still think about this sometimes so I get why yours has stuck in your head op!

To sum up- your pasta bake incident was defo weird, YANBU.

LegendOfZeldaFitzgerald · 26/03/2023 12:27

They do sound a bit provincial I guess but the only people who notice/get annoyed about that sort of thing are ALSO very provincial so really it’d be best to move on.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 12:28

@AliTheMinx your meatball incident is making my blood run cold. One false move, just your son saying: "These meatballs taste funny, Mummy", and it could have been you two, ground up and poured into a frying pan for her next guests, and your husband would always be thinking: "I wonder whatever happened to Ali and our little boy?"

AliTheMinx · 26/03/2023 12:30

Cherryblossoms85 · 26/03/2023 12:13

@AliTheMinx that is hilarious!! How did you manage to subsequently avoid her?

Thankfully, it was the summer before the children would start Reception (at different schools), so I tried to avoid her as best I could, but whenever our paths did cross and she tried to suggest another playdate, I had to explain that unfortunately we were VERY busy... I hate being rude and untruthful, but I just couldn't go back there again!!!!

Ofcourseshecan · 26/03/2023 12:30

Oh god, now you’ve reminded me of the time my soon-to-be PIL came to stay in our new home, and I had the bright idea of baking apples in the bottom of the oven while the main meal cooked in the hotter part above. I had never used a fan oven before. Baked apples were lovely when my mum did them. They were cremated in the bloody fan oven. Everyone was very nice about it. I felt an idiot.

now you’ve ruined my day! 😂

Olive19741205 · 26/03/2023 12:30

And now you’re griping about in 5 years on? You’re not a nice person

This is hilarious. How does pondering on something 5 years on make someone "not a nice person"? 😂

mrsfennel · 26/03/2023 12:31

It sounds a bit odd, but many people attribute more importance to things than others. I wouldn't personally want to eat pasta before going out, maybe for lunch then I might have toast or similar.

I would say oh wow looks nice but not for me thanks!

Asking money for it is a big no no in my books, but thats just me. I have a friend who is engaged and they borrow money off each other. I heard her ask for £10.00 back once. This is bizarre to me, but then I am long term single so what do I know!

custardbear · 26/03/2023 12:31

Your friend who paid for you will start a thread next about you owing her £2.59 since 2017 😋

CryHavok · 26/03/2023 12:34

The fact that you’re still thinking about this five or six years later shows that you need more going on in your life.

ShirleyPhallus · 26/03/2023 12:35

One of my favourite things about MN is when posters take threads so literally and are outraged at what is quite clearly a lighthearted thing. Clearly OP, you should have written lighthearted in the thread title.

Anyway. I have a similar story whereby I had a jar of roasted peppers at work to add to salads and some fucker kept taking them, one at a time. You don’t get many in a jar and they’re expensive and I once went to get the jar to find there were only the little manky bits left. This was about 10 years ago and I still find my mind wondering as to who this bougie taste thief is.

I do wonder how the AIBU would go the other way around though, given it sounds like everyone had agreed she’d make pasta bake in advance then you turned up with your little packets of ham and renamed them charcuterie and made vaguely disparaging remarks about out of towners

AliTheMinx · 26/03/2023 12:36

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 12:28

@AliTheMinx your meatball incident is making my blood run cold. One false move, just your son saying: "These meatballs taste funny, Mummy", and it could have been you two, ground up and poured into a frying pan for her next guests, and your husband would always be thinking: "I wonder whatever happened to Ali and our little boy?"

Exactly!!!! She was definitely bordering on psychotic - ha ha!!!

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