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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
SecretSwirrel · 26/03/2023 13:03

It’s pasta bake. In all honesty OP, you need to find something else to think about.

Imtryingnottobother · 26/03/2023 13:04

Whatafustercluck · 26/03/2023 12:57

Op says there were messages about the bake 2 weeks prior which she 'skimmed over'. It seems therefore that there had been discussion and agreement.

I doubt anyone in the group expressly asked for someone to make a pasta bake, it was likely the friend volunteered it and no one had the heart to say no to her.

Rosula · 26/03/2023 13:04

Presumably if you'd read the stuff in the What's App about the pasta bake you would have known what it was all about and could have put in counter suggestions, e.g. just picking up something microwaveable on the way. Also it seems at least possible that your friends had agreed to contribute to the costs. If you don't bother to read these things, I think you have to suck up what happens.

pixie5121 · 26/03/2023 13:05

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:05

Villssev · 26/03/2023 11:48

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I

but you said you got the air bnb for five friends

Actuall, Officer Semantics, she said "five friends from East Anglia and I..." which could mean the five were friends with each other, rather than with her.

If you're going to be pedantic, do it properly.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:07

Prettypaisleyslippers · 26/03/2023 12:37

I think you want her to read this. That’s unkind. It was a nice gesture.

Was it though? What's nice about making nearly inedible food for people who never asked for it, talking on and on about it boring them to tears...and CHARGING them for it to add insult to injury?

In what universe can that be a kind gesture?

ananass · 26/03/2023 13:08

Testina · 26/03/2023 12:49

@Highlyflavouredgravy “Talk aboutcthe pot calling the kettle black! You are going out of your way to be mean to the op! Deliberate unkindness!”

Not exactly out of my way. It’s not like I’m going all the way from King’s Lynn to Southwark 😉

I’m not being kind to the OP, because I think she is unkind towards the provider pasta bake - albeit I know she hasn’t said it to that person. I don’t think her post is a funny light hearted story, I just think it’s mean.

I don’t think it’s kind to fleece your friends for ‘a penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only.’

EmmaEmerald · 26/03/2023 13:08

To clarify, I think what happened is weird, not that OP is weird

I like your writing style and it made me laugh, especially the Journey of the Pasta Bake.

NevieSticks · 26/03/2023 13:09

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:49

As a way to illustrate the monumental journey taken by the pasta across time and space.

Did you get food poisoning from it?

OriginalUsername2 · 26/03/2023 13:10

I quite enjoyed this little vignette.

That personality type does my head in too!

diddl · 26/03/2023 13:11

I think it's odd that you didn't bother to read messages properly.

FordCreek · 26/03/2023 13:12

Am I the only one who smiled at your use of “cheesed off” in the title? For a non-cheesy pasta bake.

OP I think most posters have missed your “lighthearted” comment in the first sentence. I wouldn’t fancy a dish that had been in a long car journey either especially not with all the 24hr choices available at your destination.

CovertImage · 26/03/2023 13:12

Highlyflavouredgravy · 26/03/2023 12:44

Talk aboutcthe pot calling the kettle black! You are going out of your way to be mean to the op! Deliberate unkindness!

But absolutely spot on

waterlego · 26/03/2023 13:12

I think your mistake was skimming past the messages about the pasta bake. Had you seen them, you could have said then: ‘Thank you for the offer, but count me out of the pasta bake, I’ll sort my own food out’. Then the chef would have known not to include a portion for you and not to expect any money from you. 🤷🏼‍♀️

endoftheworldniteclub · 26/03/2023 13:13

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 12:51

@endoftheworldniteclub I am so sorry. Ignore that and my other snipe. I should have known. This is as embarrassing as being chucked out of that bar in Sicily all those years ago.

Is that enough grovelling? I can do some more. I am really sorry for getting the wrong end of the stick;.

No problems @limitedperiodonly 😂
I probably could have explained a bit more when replying to you. You and your dh should go back to Sicily and order that drink with extra nutmeg, take back what’s yours.

Shortpoet · 26/03/2023 13:15

Reading the story I assumed the pasta bake referenced in the group chat was a euphemism for a really strong cannabis and everyone was planning on chipping in.

Was very disappointed that the story was actually about a pasta bake!

That said I was part of a hobby group and there was a woman there who everyone raved about her banana traybake. Everyone spoke of “The recipe” in hallowed tones. Every gathering there was loads of talk about the traybake. No-one else could bring dessert to any group events because traybake was going to be there. All a bit bonkers for something that was over-sweet and a bit meh. But some groups get like that about things.

Testina · 26/03/2023 13:16

@ananass “I don’t think it’s kind to fleece your friends for ‘a penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only.’”

Is it fleecing though? Remember that in all this detail, the OP can’t remember how much her share was. Except that it was a pounds-and-pence number which implies it was an exact split of cost, so not fleecing.

Fleecing would be taking the money for a steak dinner in advance, and then airily saying, “oh I thought I’d do a pasta bake instead” and not returning the cash difference.

Someone offered to do a pasta bake and clearing asked for the cost to be shared.

The only thing they did wrong was not make a particularly good pasta bake - but honestly, sounds to me like OP was all set to be snobby about it whatever it tasted like. So jury’s out for me on whether it was really that bad anyway.

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:19

I don't think it's particularly weird. It had obviously been suggested, discussed and agreed on the group chat.

The poor woman just did what had been agreed - turned up with food and asked for a contribution towards the cost.

I do know people who like to have stodge before a night out actually.

The fact that you thought it was unnecessary is irrelevant. You were part of the group chat but never said anything either for or against, so how were they to know?

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:20

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:19

I don't think it's particularly weird. It had obviously been suggested, discussed and agreed on the group chat.

The poor woman just did what had been agreed - turned up with food and asked for a contribution towards the cost.

I do know people who like to have stodge before a night out actually.

The fact that you thought it was unnecessary is irrelevant. You were part of the group chat but never said anything either for or against, so how were they to know?

Big assumption. You don't know it was suggested, discussed and agreed. It could have been that she suggested it, everyone politely demurred, she kept insisting, people didn't know what to say to her, someone else said, sure if you really want pasta you can bring it....

People really do assume a lot.

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:21

It's no weirder than a charcuterie tbh.

BadSkiingMum · 26/03/2023 13:21

I think I know where this might have all come from.

Do you remember TV chef Lorraine Pascale? Her first series featured a 'Glam Mac & Cheese' which was incredibly rich, creamy, wine-y and cheesy and the episode showed it being made specifically for a 'Girls' Night' situation.

I think your friend was trying to channel Lorraine, but lacked the cheese, wine, cream and general glamour to pull it off.

ChocSaltyBalls · 26/03/2023 13:21

Anewuser · 26/03/2023 11:29

The only weird thing is spending so much time thinking about it 5 years later and writing the script.

Lol, I agree, but I would be the same OP 😂

It sounds rank and very strange.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 26/03/2023 13:22

Dh once called my gravy brown water. I’m a widow now but I’m still happy in my decision to not talk to him for 2 days and making the next gravy so thick the spoon stood up in it while dh said “I’m just going to add some hot water to the gravy”. It’s not like I worked full time, had a 3hr commute and did all the housework in a rural house with a cat intent on bringing the outdoors inside or anything.

jenjenlinks · 26/03/2023 13:22

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 13:21

It's no weirder than a charcuterie tbh.

She didn't say it was " a charcuterie".

And yes, it is. It is much much weirder.

RosaBonheur · 26/03/2023 13:23

Hahaha, this made me laugh. And I liked your cheese pun.

I think I would have pretended to be lactose intolerant or allergic to broccoli and ordered a takeaway of my own.