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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 17:40

Gwenhwyfar · 26/03/2023 13:57

"I wouldn't personally want to eat pasta before going out,"

May I ask why? You're supposed to line your stomach aren't you?

Only if you are planning to run a marathon or an evening of heavy drinking.

februarysunset · 26/03/2023 17:41

A girl I went to university with once charged me and a friend for the ingredients for fajitas that she had served us.

Later on she became a consultant at a big 4 firm and moved to New York for a couple of years, living in an apartment that they paid for. She must have been earning a fortune but she still charged any visitors a daily tariff as a contribution towards her bills.

Some people are just revoltingly tight-fisted! Perhaps she grew up to be Pasta Bake Woman.

dottiedodah · 26/03/2023 17:58

Well she sounds a bit of a CF for sure! Obv Pasta Bake in her world was seen to be passed off as a nice supper before going out.I think she must have misread the room somehow .To actually ask for money for such a basic meal is unacceptable .

Fluffodils · 26/03/2023 18:03

Are you sure there weren't drugs in it?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 26/03/2023 18:06

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 26/03/2023 13:22

Dh once called my gravy brown water. I’m a widow now but I’m still happy in my decision to not talk to him for 2 days and making the next gravy so thick the spoon stood up in it while dh said “I’m just going to add some hot water to the gravy”. It’s not like I worked full time, had a 3hr commute and did all the housework in a rural house with a cat intent on bringing the outdoors inside or anything.

My mom once made a red mullet recipe for my dad, who is usually a great lover of fish. It wasn’t nice and he wasn’t shy about saying so. Unfortunately, he has a tendency not to let things go, so kept going on about it the next night; was she trying to poison him and other OTT nonsense. In the end my mom threatened to shove his dinner in his face.

The next night, she cut the picture of the red mullet recipe out and put that on a plate instead of any dinner. He stopped moaning after that 😆

JMSA · 26/03/2023 18:09

So incredibly bizarre that you are writing about this 6 years on.

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/03/2023 18:16

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 15:54

Oooh...

There's the Empanada Incident

Driving home from Far Away Northern City - carrying a precious container of the most delicious vegan empanadas I have ever had (even my sister declared them amazing and she's usually pretty derogatory about veggie and vegan things), left overs from our takeaway at a friends house.

We're on our way to a rural Midlands Shire... an epic trek, and it is 2am, as a result of wittering late into the night and a distinct inability on sisters part to stop faffing and get in the frigging car.

At some point down the M5, I decided to eat one of the empanadas. It's an unlit section of road, there is a dippy sauce, these are generously filled and fairly large too - I get everything balanced nicely .... or so I thought.

Just as I finish up and reach to pack away the remaining food and dip, sister brakes sharply to avoid smashing into the rear of some nob who can't look before changing lanes (or some such event, it obviously wouldn't be her fault as shes The Most Amazing Drive Ever (tm. her claim, not mine).

There is an avalanche, slow but impossible for me to stop, and the tray and remaining food-gasmic empanadas sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide from my (not particularly spacious or useful) lap and towards the manky disgusting horror-show that is the footwell of my car.....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I can feel the tray on my foot. I fumble for my phone, sister urging me 'check, see if it's really on the floor! Hurry!'....

Lighting up the footwell with my phone I can see the remaining empanadas, still sat on their thin plastic shroud, on the inside of my foot (I sit with my ankles flopped over... weird I know). No part of empanada is touching floor or shoe!

There is of course, dip all over the bloody floor... because no one is THAT lucky.

Unfortunately as I have similar proportions to an inflateable t-rex (round, very short arms) there is absolutely fuck all chance I am reaching down to save the empanadas.

We (briefly!) consider the hard shoulder but after some debate decide this does not in fact constitute a real emergency and delicious as the empanadas are... they don't warrant getting smashed flat by a dozing HGV driver.

So sister caaaaaaaaaaarefully drives us to the next motorway services - torn between going fast to get there quicker, or going slow to avoid the empanada falling to its DOOM...

My leg is cramping, I now need a wee, the empanada is slipping.... will we make it?

We arrive and just in time I remind her NOT to swing into a parking space with the usual flourish and stamp on the brakes that is her typical style...

She gets out, comes round to my side and lo.. the empanada is still sat on my foot, still safe, still not in contact with any... filth...

So we ate it. The end.

Also there was the time, the morning after a house party at a friends, where I asked those sat at the table if anyone wanted a bacon and mushroom butty as I was making one. All said no, no thankyou, all full up. Including New Girlfriend of an old friend.

I made. I had urgent need for the loo so set my sandwich aside and dashed off....

NEW GIRLFRIEND ATE IT. I returned to find her stuffing the last crumbs into her mouth. Bitch.

Old friend dumped her shortly after, citing this as one of the final straws.

NEW GIRLFRIEND ATE IT. I returned to find her stuffing the last crumbs into her mouth. Bitch.

@WiddlinDiddlin - friend would not have had the chance ro dump her if she'd eaten my sammich! I'd have eviscerated her myself.

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/03/2023 18:20

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 16:11

The Lentil Soup Incident Of 1995

My mother died in 1995 and as we all lived in London and her seven sisters all lived in a tiny village in Scotland, we had two funerals - the London one, then the Scottish village one.

I will skip past my oldest sister's insistence that we should attempt to get a different urn for the ashes while we were in Inverness. Suffice it to say that we failed to find one. Suffice it also to say that as I had a three-week-old baby at the time, I was exhausted anyway.

However. As we had another hundred miles to go, we set off in a hired car. I am the only one of my four sisters who can drive, so I had to do it all.

I will skip past my youngest sister's outrage when we had to stop for me to breastfeed the baby - twice. I am not sure what she expected me to do, but anyway.

We arrived at our destination and my youngest sister made sure that all our aunties were told that she was a vegetarian. I confess that the aunties were a bit flummoxed by this, being very much of the "meat, cabbage and potato" school of dining. I do not mind what I eat as long as it isn't pasta fucking bake.

Fast forward to the Wake. My sister had left strict instructions about the lentil soup. It was not to contain meat, or meat stock cubes. So far, so good. Someone agreed to make it. They also said they'd make Scotch Broth (which does contain meat).

Well, we were jolly hungry by the time we arrived at one of the auntie's houses for the Wake.

To my sister's dismay, someone ladled out some of the Scotch Broth into a bowl, then put the ladle into the lentil soup. According to my sister, this contaminated the lentil soup with meat, so she refused to eat it.

Cue all the aunties talking in corners about entitled nieces, and my sister going off to sulk, outraged, in the garden.

Oh well. At least she wasn't asked to pay anything towards the lentil soup.

I was a vegetarian for many years, and I would have eaten the lentil soup.

I am on your aunties' side.

Nowadays, I would be he first in line for the Scotch Broth.

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/03/2023 18:22

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:15

Well, it was funny at the time.

You'd need to see me to see why I can't bend over but believe me when I say, I cannot (I mean why the fuck would I lie!)

I believe you. I am (probably) a similar shape - years of good living and even better drinking have given me a tummy that could double as an airbag if necessary.

There is no way that I can bend forwards in the middle.

Emotionalsupportviper · 26/03/2023 18:29

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:44

Wasn't a wee - I didn't think for the purposes of the story I needed to detail what exactly I did in the loo, the morning after a drunken party. I wasn't that long, but she did eat fast!

Of course she ate fast!

She was greedy, not stupid. She knew she had to get that sammich down her neck before you cam back or you would pull it physically out of her jaws. What a b*tch!

Bearing a good grudge is really underrated imho.

Damn right @Blip ! FIVE YEARS IS NOTHING!

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:33

donttellmehesalive · 26/03/2023 15:27

It won't be. I don't drink so rarely worry what I'm eating before a night out. But I do know people who eat stodgy food - as pp have said, 'lining their stomach.'

@donttellmehesalive Oh come off it. We all know what is meant by "lining your stomach" before a night out. Even though you don't drink, what do you think is the intention? Do on, have a guess?

I am a drinker but I wouldn't want watery pasta and broccoli bake before a night out and I'd take a dim view of being charged for it.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:39

Villssev · 26/03/2023 15:29

And? How the heck did they respond?

@Villssev they just left thinking WTF? and resolving never to return as polite people tend to do

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 18:50

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 16:11

The Lentil Soup Incident Of 1995

My mother died in 1995 and as we all lived in London and her seven sisters all lived in a tiny village in Scotland, we had two funerals - the London one, then the Scottish village one.

I will skip past my oldest sister's insistence that we should attempt to get a different urn for the ashes while we were in Inverness. Suffice it to say that we failed to find one. Suffice it also to say that as I had a three-week-old baby at the time, I was exhausted anyway.

However. As we had another hundred miles to go, we set off in a hired car. I am the only one of my four sisters who can drive, so I had to do it all.

I will skip past my youngest sister's outrage when we had to stop for me to breastfeed the baby - twice. I am not sure what she expected me to do, but anyway.

We arrived at our destination and my youngest sister made sure that all our aunties were told that she was a vegetarian. I confess that the aunties were a bit flummoxed by this, being very much of the "meat, cabbage and potato" school of dining. I do not mind what I eat as long as it isn't pasta fucking bake.

Fast forward to the Wake. My sister had left strict instructions about the lentil soup. It was not to contain meat, or meat stock cubes. So far, so good. Someone agreed to make it. They also said they'd make Scotch Broth (which does contain meat).

Well, we were jolly hungry by the time we arrived at one of the auntie's houses for the Wake.

To my sister's dismay, someone ladled out some of the Scotch Broth into a bowl, then put the ladle into the lentil soup. According to my sister, this contaminated the lentil soup with meat, so she refused to eat it.

Cue all the aunties talking in corners about entitled nieces, and my sister going off to sulk, outraged, in the garden.

Oh well. At least she wasn't asked to pay anything towards the lentil soup.

I had visions of lentil soup being poured into the urn with your mum from the way that story started!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 18:51

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:33

@donttellmehesalive Oh come off it. We all know what is meant by "lining your stomach" before a night out. Even though you don't drink, what do you think is the intention? Do on, have a guess?

I am a drinker but I wouldn't want watery pasta and broccoli bake before a night out and I'd take a dim view of being charged for it.

Why are you having a go at that poster? She is agreeing even she, as a rare drinker, knows what lining the stomach means.

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:59

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 15:36

I've never heard the word "parsimonious" before but I have a friend exactly like yours. Over the years she's let on she has about 300k in savings.
Dont think she's ever bought a round of drinks..

Haven't you? Welcome to cheese-paring. That's my favourite.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 19:00

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:59

Haven't you? Welcome to cheese-paring. That's my favourite.

Well maybe but not that I can recall and I think I've always wondered how to describe my friend and now I know, parsimonious is perfect

Throwncrumbs · 26/03/2023 19:01

How strange…the advert beneath your post was some woman making cheesy pasta bake !

Spangasspikeywig · 26/03/2023 19:03

OP, your description, tone and responses are unpleasant and the fact you are harping on about it 5 years later is absolutely bizarre.

Don't get me started on "charcuterie". That's just pretentious lunchables. A glorified "picky plate". They are famous on here don't ya know!

Throwncrumbs · 26/03/2023 19:05

EyesOnThePies · 26/03/2023 11:48

Sounds like a Mike Leigh play, and something that would become an in-joke amongst friends.

In reality a thoughtful gesture to those who had had a 3 hour journey.

I remember when Pasta Bakes were the most oft repeated ‘recipe’ on MN. You should be grateful it didn’t have tuna in it.

Bet her names Abigail😂

Villssev · 26/03/2023 19:07

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 18:39

@Villssev they just left thinking WTF? and resolving never to return as polite people tend to do

i am “polite”

but someone trick me in to eating canned dog food and passing it off as a pie?

Bloody odd to just leave politely!

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 19:28

I will bow to no one about how fantastic my parents were. But when my SIL's face crumbled when she described the lovely day trip to Capri from Sorrento and eating lunch in a restaurant and was scolded by my mum saying it would have saved my brother money if she'd have taken a packed lunch I really felt for her.

My mum wasn't a bad woman - far from it. She was so kind but counted the pennies. And my SIL wasn't a waster and loved my mum probably more than her own mum. And I'm sure my brother enjoyed his lunch and actively wanted it but didn't say.

My mum should have held her tongue that day. We all make mistakes but a watery pasta bake is shit in any language when it's supposed to be a night out.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/03/2023 19:37

"Only if you are planning to run a marathon or an evening of heavy drinking."

I don't think even moderate drinking is a good idea without having eaten a meal.

Throwncrumbs · 26/03/2023 19:39

waterlego · 26/03/2023 13:12

I think your mistake was skimming past the messages about the pasta bake. Had you seen them, you could have said then: ‘Thank you for the offer, but count me out of the pasta bake, I’ll sort my own food out’. Then the chef would have known not to include a portion for you and not to expect any money from you. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sounds like the word ‘chef’ is overstretching it a bit!

Vitriolinsanity · 26/03/2023 19:42

I get it. Twenty years have passed, but I can still summon a shudder at the memory of SIL's "World Famous" Cous Cous studded with hard pieces of pepper and onion which made an appearance at every family gathering.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 26/03/2023 20:08

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 12:23

I think my main mistake was using a big word like "charcuterie" when I should have said "pig bits" or something to avoid being accused of thinking I'm The Queen.

you sound really funny and I’d rather go out on a night out with you and eat your salami and share your tinnys than a dry manky pasta bake! Surely no one was that skint they needed to eat a bog standard week night dinner that had festered in the boot for a few hours?! Sounds similar to a friend of mine who arranged a weekend in Brighton, I was buzzing and looking forward to chips on the pier, donuts and all that crap and she suggested we make some pasta to take with us and flasks of tea.. ruined the idea for me if I’m honest! I still went but ensured I had said chips and donuts!