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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

482 replies

Dangelis · 26/03/2023 11:22

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

OP posts:
WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:22

@Villssev They'd all started to wander off and weren't paying attention.. or so they claimed. I suspect the truth is they saw, they thought 'oh shit, Widdlin's going to be furious' ... lets see what happens next!'

What happened next was not exciting as it wasn't my house and they weren't my guests - I just made another and hissed 'are you SURE you don't want another go at eating my breakfast' and she fluttered her eyelashes, big sad puppydog eyes, verge of tears stuff and claimed she had nooooo idea she'd done anything wrong, which everyone ignored and then they bogged off out and I neeeeever saw her again.

I think they'd already had breakfast by the time I surfaced, as yes, who wouldn't want a bacon and mushroom butty?!

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:24

@Ofcourseshecan Why thankyou! Glad someone gets the gravity and drama of the situation!

SirTarquin · 26/03/2023 16:24

You are right it is weird.

The best bit about this is that 6 years later it is still bugging you. I think most of us can identify with something like that - trivial, mildly irritating something you should really have totally forgotten about but is the mental equivalent of a pebble in your shoe.

Villssev · 26/03/2023 16:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:22

@Villssev They'd all started to wander off and weren't paying attention.. or so they claimed. I suspect the truth is they saw, they thought 'oh shit, Widdlin's going to be furious' ... lets see what happens next!'

What happened next was not exciting as it wasn't my house and they weren't my guests - I just made another and hissed 'are you SURE you don't want another go at eating my breakfast' and she fluttered her eyelashes, big sad puppydog eyes, verge of tears stuff and claimed she had nooooo idea she'd done anything wrong, which everyone ignored and then they bogged off out and I neeeeever saw her again.

I think they'd already had breakfast by the time I surfaced, as yes, who wouldn't want a bacon and mushroom butty?!

That was one heck of a long per you took

Villssev · 26/03/2023 16:26

Wee

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 16:31

I still feel very resentful about going round to a friend's house in 1987 thinking it was a brief stop off on the way to moving on to a pub and being ambushed into an Ann Summers party at which I was expected to buy something and contribute to the warm wine.

I bought the cheapest thing - choc boobie drops - we never did go out and it wasn't even nice chocolate. I avoided that girl forever more.

I was reminded of that hellish night recently on the occasion of the passing of Jacqueline Gold, supremo of Ann Summers. I am sure she is much missed by her loved ones but that business model of coercing friends into buying useless shit (whether edible panties or inedible broccoli pasta bake) leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 16:44

TheShellBeach · 26/03/2023 16:20

OP, can you message your friend and say you have just realised you never paid for your share of the pasta and ask how much you owe. I think a lot if us won't sleep without knowing

I absolutely second this comment, OP. Do it. Go on - you know you want to.

Also, get the recipe.

TulipsLilacs · 26/03/2023 16:44

I agree. Sales pitch parties where the host isn't upfront about what they are are the worst. Especially when the host would never socialise with you normally.

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/03/2023 16:44

Villssev · 26/03/2023 16:26

Wee

Wasn't a wee - I didn't think for the purposes of the story I needed to detail what exactly I did in the loo, the morning after a drunken party. I wasn't that long, but she did eat fast!

Beastieboys · 26/03/2023 16:48

Think you are a bit sad in thinking that the faux sophistication of a couple of packets of cheap plastic tesco meat counts as a charcuterie board is quite insulting to the other guests......As a "small towner" I would at least have made a proper effort of going to a delicatessen counter, unless it was a deliberate put down.
Greasy meats & crisps and bloating diet pop, dead classy 🤣🤣
And the nerve to slag off anothers badly prepared offering is just unbelievably rude
And to hold a grudge for 5 yrs, your life in London can't be as exciting as you think it is .

SettlingForANewPassword · 26/03/2023 16:54

TBH I could do with a diagram, OP. Wink

I have a Visit To Wagamama story that pisses me off some 5 years later.

Short story is that people we have hosted in our home annually for a weekend for the entire length of our marriage (20 years) and who never bring so much as a bottle of wine sat back the single and only time we stayed at their house and when we went out to dinner at Wagamama sat back and told us it was going to be our treat to them because they had put us up for the night.

Beastieboys · 26/03/2023 16:57

This story is funny and not overly invested in the carrot cake but in the dizziness of the participants ...👍🏼

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 16:59

SettlingForANewPassword · 26/03/2023 16:54

TBH I could do with a diagram, OP. Wink

I have a Visit To Wagamama story that pisses me off some 5 years later.

Short story is that people we have hosted in our home annually for a weekend for the entire length of our marriage (20 years) and who never bring so much as a bottle of wine sat back the single and only time we stayed at their house and when we went out to dinner at Wagamama sat back and told us it was going to be our treat to them because they had put us up for the night.

How did you keep a straight face?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 17:02

SettlingForANewPassword · 26/03/2023 16:54

TBH I could do with a diagram, OP. Wink

I have a Visit To Wagamama story that pisses me off some 5 years later.

Short story is that people we have hosted in our home annually for a weekend for the entire length of our marriage (20 years) and who never bring so much as a bottle of wine sat back the single and only time we stayed at their house and when we went out to dinner at Wagamama sat back and told us it was going to be our treat to them because they had put us up for the night.

Omg did you speak up?

Beastieboys · 26/03/2023 17:04

I've got a great vintage lentil soup incident circa 1978 ,45yrs on but hilarious piss take of myself rather than another!

SettlingForANewPassword · 26/03/2023 17:10

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 16:59

How did you keep a straight face?

DH Just paid it. I was shell shocked.

i went fucking bananas afterwards in the car home though.

They stayed about twice after that as DH said i was being silly. They did not stay during covid (unexpected joys of lockdown). Last week they rang out of the blue for a chat which tends to happen about a week or so before we get a second phone call asking to stay. i have put my foot down this year (and every year going forward) and they are not staying. I will tell them.

They stay for a long weekend annually as it coincides with a sporting event the DH is involved with.

My blood pressure has just gone nuts just talking about it. Grin

Fancylike · 26/03/2023 17:11

Very much enjoying all the food stories, shame there’s a few of those MN fight to the death weirdo pedants on the thread ruining the flow.

I had a very casual boyfriend insist on cooking for me when I was a teen. I wasn’t exactly a gourmand then but watching him dump a dented tin of tomatoes, hacked up capsicum and tomatoes, and a sieve of already cooked penne into a saucepan, I knew it was going to be crap. Tried my best to be nice and choke down this soggy, watery, unseasoned slop, and halfway through the meal, he does a grand reveal that all the ingredients were actually from a supermarket bins diving excursion the night before. He thought it turned out really well, and he’s glad he decided to cut the mold off the capsicums and tomatoes and use them anyway.

Was too polite for my own good then so waited for him to go to the loo before dumping the contents of my bowl into the back garden and scraping my tongue.

CalpolDependant · 26/03/2023 17:11

IMO it’s funny that you still think about this. Not weird. Perfect the story and do an open mic stand up with it. It could make you famous and be the best 50p you ever spent.

Blip · 26/03/2023 17:14

Bearing a good grudge is really underrated imho.

StayGoldenPonyGirl · 26/03/2023 17:19

Blip · 26/03/2023 17:14

Bearing a good grudge is really underrated imho.

Amen to that, sister. Those people who pretend they don't have them don't know what they are missing.

Lesvacances · 26/03/2023 17:29

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 26/03/2023 15:36

I've never heard the word "parsimonious" before but I have a friend exactly like yours. Over the years she's let on she has about 300k in savings.
Dont think she's ever bought a round of drinks..

I would say ‘just think how many rounds you could buy with that money twatty friend’

limitedperiodonly · 26/03/2023 17:29

Peachy2005 · 26/03/2023 13:52

@Edinvillian Lasagne reheats pretty well though, doesn’t it? Pasta bake really doesn’t, I’ve noticed recently.

There is a creation called pasta pie which can be made either with bolognese sauce or passata. Kids and adults seem to love it, it slices like a cake and reheats pretty well so might be fun for future fishing trips/group events…use rigatoni pasta though and put a tray under the springform tin to catch any overflow 😋

@Peachy2005 I concur with pasta bake, especially when containing broccoli, but I like cold lasagne the best. I could say it was because I want to let the flavours develop but I would be lying. I just eat it mindlessly with a spoon while staring out the kitchen window and contemplating the wreckage of my dreams.

the80sweregreat · 26/03/2023 17:32

How the wealthy stay rich. Don't get a round in at the pub and charge for the grub at a bbq your hosting. Ever thus

AliceOlive · 26/03/2023 17:35

So you have to put up with the wife while the husbands go to sporting event? I’d be out of town this time.

Annoyingwurringnoise · 26/03/2023 17:36

I think pasta Bake is dismal and the idea of it being suitable for a treat night out is bonkers. She sounds utterly weird, but then people be weird, so…

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