To be cheesed off about the pasta bake incident five years on

[Dangelis]

This is as light hearted as it gets, I'm not actually fuming about this! I am interested in some perspectives though.

In 2017, five friends from East Anglia and I got an Airbnb in London so we could all go to a late night event nearby. I was the first to arrive (I live in London but was bunking in with them anyway) so I went to a supermarket and got a few bags of crisps, soft drinks and some small charcuterie type stuff - enough for everyone, but mainly because I like having this kind of stuff around while I'm getting ready to go out, so I paid for it myself. I figured the others could order delivery if they wanted anything bigger.

On my friends' group chat, I'd noticed a few references to a "pasta bake" and some requests for money over the past two weeks, but I'd skimmed over these.

When my friends turned up, one of the couples (who I barely knew) arrived with THE pasta bake. I was surprised as I thought it had been a joke - and practically speaking, it sort of was. There were two huge ceramic oven dishes full of the coldest, most wet and cheese-less penne bake I'd even seen, and they'd been sitting in the back of someone's car covered in foil for over three hours, all the way from Kings Lynn to Southwark. They were carried in with GREAT fanfare by the woman of the couple, who proceeded to re-heat this huge beige thing in the oven, and then ladle big, sad, stodgy bowls of it out to everyone (not what anyone wants to try to hold and shovel down while trying to put on makeup and get into a cocktail dress!!!). She talked about the cooking process and recipe too, as if we couldn't work it out. The way this woman went about it, you'd think she thought she'd rescued the whole night from disaster and starvation. I think I attempted to navigate my way around an undercooked piece of broccoli and watery pasta for a bit before hiding it in my room. It was honestly so bizarre to watch this performance happening while the rest of us were enjoying the vibe of getting ready to go to a quite expensive and elegant night out.

So far so bland. But the next morning, the woman went around telling everyone how much the ingredients (penne pasta, broccoli, not enough tomato sauce, and cheese In Name Only) had cost and calculating how much each person in the house owed them for the privilege of being involved in THE pasta bake. I honestly can't remember if I paid up or not - I think one of my mates who was closer to them paid for a few of us out of embarrassment.

This couple are divorced now, and I haven't seen the woman since the event. I've never brought it up with my friends, but I find myself thinking about this all the time. Was I being snotty about what was, in theory, a nice but misguided gesture? Am I overestimating how much small-towners know about food availability in Central London after dark? Or was this genuinely weird and off base?

I’m glad you survived the chicken, Bellisina! That’s so much worse than just soggy pasta. I’ve got a cold so I have no appetite anyway, and I’m sort of glad after reading some of the stories here …

Weird as fuck! But I often find that people that big up their own cooking are the worst cooks.

Pasta bake is foul muck regardless of whether it's freshly made or sitting in someone's car for hours.

Why on earth didn't you just say no thank you when she offered you a bowlful of the stuff.

Had you done that, you wouldn't have had to hide it in your room, and no doubt, have the disgusting smell of it lingering for the rest of your stay, you wouldn't have had to pay for it and you'd have probably, by now, put the whole episode behind you, instead of wasting 5 years of your life thinking about it.

@Testina *
*
"You sound like a north Lynner who’s been to Peterborough once (let alone London) and come back up their own arse 🤣"

That made me die! 😂😂

we came to the conclusion they did it to get a reaction. I feel sorry for their kids.

@EmmaEmerald this thread is reminding me of so many dinner date weirdities.

A friend's wife is a seriously good cook. She's not a chef but food is her job. She's not famous, but she's done some cookery books and has written food columns in places like the Times and the Daily Telegraph and won awards. It really is a treat to go round to their house.

We worked with this odd bloke. He'd done various things to piss us all off so was pretty much shunned but this one friend insisted we were being mean to him and he was just misunderstood.

Oddball invited my friend and his wife round for a dinner party. They arrived to find it was just them and him. He served a meat pie which was horrible. At the end he asked them what they thought of it. They praised it out of politeness. Then he pointed at my friend's wife and said: "Ha! Call yourself a food writer! It was Kennomeat in that pie."

Dog food and not even the good stuff. Why would anyone do that? The sort of person who would serve children vegetable sandwiches, that's who.

It’s silly, but these are the types of things I think about.

I don’t think it’s a nice gesture at all if you’re only doing it to gloat and get attention…and to then demand money for a flipping pasta bake no one asked for.

I have a friend who is a terrible cook (he only eats oven food and never cooks), who insisted on cooking us a curry when we visited. He’s freely admitted on many occasions he’s a terrible cook- and I know he is because he’s cooked for us before. Not just in a ‘ugh watery pasta’ type way, in an actual I’d rather go hungry than eat this way. I offered to help, to which he offendedly refused. His flat mates tried the meal beforehand and told him it was terrible, which he admitted to us. So he cooked a curry. I watched in horror as he cooked quorn chicken in tomato paste and cream, adding powdered ginger and gram masala (and nothing else!). It was horrid, I was starving. We were in a place where I could have ordered anything I fancied. I had to go to bed ravenous out of politeness (and I knew I would). It still irritates me.

I have a pasta bake story too and it dates back far more than five years but is something DH and I have the occasional giggle about. I have a friend who is lovely but very parsimonious but also very well off. I went to stay with her in her lovely flat for a weekend and she said she was cooking a sardine lasagne. Later on in the day she said it would be just as good without the sardines and cost less to make. We just had lasagne in cheese sauce.

I hate people, generally shit cooks, who take it upon themselves to bring a vat of tasteless food and expect you to pay for it!

I’m still bemused by my dh’s db and dw who 20 years ago, commanded us to arrive for an anniversary lunch for dh’s parents.
We had a long journey and on arrival dh went to make us a brew and was told no, we’d missed it. I got a glass of water to sip until the lunch was ready!
I was also told that the cutlery in the dishwasher, that I needed to set the table, was clean the marks were due to it being cheap. The cutlery was a wedding gift from us and not cheap. Still makes me chuckle thinking how many years dsil had waited to have a dig.😂

My dh is still narked about a fish dinner 28 years ago, on holiday in a shared house with friends. So you are quite correct to keep this going. 5 years is nothing.

Is it fleecing though? Remember that in all this detail, the OP can’t remember how much her share was. Except that it was a pounds-and-pence number which implies it was an exact split of cost, so not fleecing.

@Testina In a court of law you'd probably win your case. But I'd still look askance at a pasta broccoli bake with not much cheese in it.

😂
I get it @Dangelis
Weirdly I have 2 pastabake anecdote/resentments.
•mollycoddling friend who insisted on talking me step by step how to cook macaroni cheese (I’m a good cook) for her fussy eating daughter. I passive aggressively made an amazing dish with a bread crumb and Parmesan topping (not suggested) and managed to break a tooth on it leading to months of pain and £££
•I hosted appallingly behaved family on holiday at great expense. They cooked one night- pasta tuna and chopped tomatoes barely cooked through. Another family member named it cat food pasta.
But…
We’re off to mollycoddled child’s v swish wedding summer and appalling family member is 99% of the time lovely.

Or just read the group messages?

I do know people who like to have stodge before a night out actually.

@donttellmehesalive I used to work with someone who said that. Only went out with her once. She might actually be you.

There's a friend in our group chat who never reads anything properly and then wonders why she doesn't know what's going on.

It's annoying AF to be honest, and I can imagine would be even more so if she went on to turn her nose up at the plans she'd had every opportunity to object to.

I guess I'd owe double for having extra

Some really like eating, others really like cooking,.it's a mix at times @Dangelis

How much did they charge for pasta bake, surely can’t have been more than a pound?!

Similar here - at a family gathering and we ordered fish and chips to be delivered. They arrived and I took the dog out in the garden while they were plating up so he'd be out the way. Came back in to be informed my order wasn't included, but it weirdly worked out because XDH couldn't come at the last minute so i said I'd have his order, but it was too late, cousin's greedy husband had put it on his plate and was tucking into his double order while I had nowt. Yes, I did say something but got told off for making a fuss and my mum offered to share her portion, which I didn't take, just left. I haven't said a word to him in 12 years (very rarely see him and always in family gathering) - no one has noticed but I know! Double fish dick.

It won't be. I don't drink so rarely worry what I'm eating before a night out. But I do know people who eat stodgy food - as pp have said, 'lining their stomach.'

The op can’t remember this actually interesting detail

but she thinks another friend paid something

So your friend told you a way of making macaroni cheese that her daughter would eat and you decided to change it?

And? How the heck did they respond?

Yep, I think most people I know have been known to line their stomach before a knowingly boozy night out.. it's sensible!