To be pissed at having to wait half an hour

[Cobfused]

Big argument between myself and boyfriend.
We agreed last night to go out for lunch today. I said I had lots of things to do today, so needs to be early. I said, "at around 12, no later." He said, "ok."
(That is important because we have had misunderstandings in the past about being late because times/places weren't confirmed when I thought they were).

I message him about 10 today asking where to meet. No reply. Message again about 11. No reply. I decide to head into town to do shopping and then meet him at 12. I call him at quarter to 12, half wondering if he was still asleep in bed. No reply. 10 minutes later he messages me to confirm the place and the time for half 12.

So I'm very annoyed that he left it so late to tell me that time, annoyed that I'd said no later than 12, and most of all annoyed because we said 12 and he said ok!!!!! I can't bear being left waiting, he knows this. I am never ever late for him. So I have to hang around for half and hour with my bags, it was cold and boring.

I'm very cross when he turns up, also very hurt that he obviously doesn't value my time.

So now we're arguing because he says I ruined the lunch by being 'grumpy' and I should have held it in if that's how I felt because he had said sorry (I prompted him heavily that he needed to say sorry). Also, he points out that I said 'around' 12, not exactly 12.

So, who is the one being unreasonable?

YABU.

You didn’t say 12, you said ‘around 12’, which 12.30 is.

I totally get how annoying late people are (I’m an early person), but based on your message I can see why you’ve had misunderstandings.

'Around 12, no later' would mean the absolute latest I wanted to start lunch would be 12. However, the first response shows different people perceive what you said differently. Going forward, I would make exact plans. 'The table is booked at x for y' - 'I will meet you in the car park of x at y time'

I think you shouldn't have waited for him - you didn't have a solid plan until last minute. He should have messaged you sooner or you should have arranged exact time and place yesterday.

If you were that angry I don’t know why you waited around and didn’t just go home and tell him to meet up another day as you were too busy.

Also, try not to get pissed at noon and wait until at least the early evening.

You weren't direct enough, it was open to interpretation. Therefore I am on side on the boyfriend.

I would say 1145-1230 counts as around 12.

How can 'around 12' possibly mean 12 on the dot? That makes no sense

Also not sure why you didn't just shop for a bit longer rather than waiting outside.

But ultimately it all seems like a load of drama over nothing.

At the quarter to 12 point, and him not responding to texts and a call, I'd have messaged to say I was giving up and going home. And I'd have left.

It's not just the 'around 12, no later' thing - it's the repeatedly being uncontactable so close to 12 o'clock and you not knowing if he was asleep, on his way, in traffic, away with the fairies. I don't have the patience for it these days, especially for the phone nonsense.

I think he misunderstood the ‘around 12’ part. I don’t think it’s anything to fully argue about. In the future you’d be best to say I will meet you here, at this time…

I can see why you're pissed off. Mind, I would have gone into the lunch place and ordered a large glass of wine instead of standing outside in the cold with bags

Some people’s lives seem so complicated.

You said around 12, no later. I would think anytime between 11.30 - 12.30 was acceptable.

Around 12 no later isn't actually a time though is it? I appreciate he was still later than 12 o'clock but it doesn't sound like you had actually set a time.

If you were that annoyed but still waited around for him and had lunch, you shouldn't have been sat there in a mood either. You had the chance to just cancel but chose to wait.

You sort of just chose to be in a mood didn't you? You could have said a specific time, continued running errands when you didn't hear from him, or move onto your next thing and tell him too late. Instead you waited about and got yourself into a mood, making it a pointless meet up. What a drama over nothing.

I mean I agree with him in the sense that being outwardly huffy and grumpy about something is just immature. It’s annoying if someone is late but what are you trying to achieve by huffing all the way through the meal to the point of ruining it?
If you hadn’t heard from him by 11:45 I probably wouldn’t have assumed you were meeting at 12.

If you meant 12, you should have said 12. “Around 12” means “or thereabouts”, and 12.30 fits the bill. Him being uncontactable and only confirming last minute is a bit irritating but the initial miscommunication came from you.

I wouldn’t have waited.

Are pathetic too lol

I should have held it in if that's how I felt because he had said sorry (I prompted him heavily that he needed to say sorry).

He’s a twat, you said no later than 12, which means around 12 but BEFORE 12.

The fact that he wants you to hold back how you feel is a red flag.

Next time he is late, just leave. No texts, calls - just leave.

And if he gets angry or doesn’t change, then dump him.

I loathe lateness, and even I think you're wrong on this one. 12.30 is "around 12". If you wanted to meet at 12, say you want to meet at 12.

At least OP isn’t being nasty. Why comment if you both have nothing useful to say.

Agree completely with this.

If you wanted to meet at 12 or before then you need to say that. Using loose terms like around 12 is too vague and open to interpretation.

You are - 12.30 is around 12.

You also had the option of saying no I need to go home.

But anyway the two of you sound incompatible. I would knock it on the head. Can you imagine 40 years of this. For either of you.

Agree with this