To be pissed at having to wait half an hour

[Cobfused]

Big argument between myself and boyfriend.
We agreed last night to go out for lunch today. I said I had lots of things to do today, so needs to be early. I said, "at around 12, no later." He said, "ok."
(That is important because we have had misunderstandings in the past about being late because times/places weren't confirmed when I thought they were).

I message him about 10 today asking where to meet. No reply. Message again about 11. No reply. I decide to head into town to do shopping and then meet him at 12. I call him at quarter to 12, half wondering if he was still asleep in bed. No reply. 10 minutes later he messages me to confirm the place and the time for half 12.

So I'm very annoyed that he left it so late to tell me that time, annoyed that I'd said no later than 12, and most of all annoyed because we said 12 and he said ok!!!!! I can't bear being left waiting, he knows this. I am never ever late for him. So I have to hang around for half and hour with my bags, it was cold and boring.

I'm very cross when he turns up, also very hurt that he obviously doesn't value my time.

So now we're arguing because he says I ruined the lunch by being 'grumpy' and I should have held it in if that's how I felt because he had said sorry (I prompted him heavily that he needed to say sorry). Also, he points out that I said 'around' 12, not exactly 12.

So, who is the one being unreasonable?

This sort of thing annoys me too but it sounds like you didn't agree a time and place so it wasn't a done deal. Half 12 isn't that much after 12 but if that was a deal breaker you should have just left and gone home when he said it would be later.

he sounds like an ex friend of mine! She was exactly like this would agree to meet etc and the whole day would go before she had hot out of bed or been to the gym or whatever. She was a total flake and I’m just to organised and type a for that kinda malarkey. We are not friends anymore thank goodness.

*got

? He explained that the agreement was open to interpretation and so thought 12:30 was within what they had agreed. He also apologised to OP. But she was still angry and held a bit of a grudge.

I have bad anxiety so need to have an actual time to meet. I just need to know what is happening when.
around 12 is too vague and could mean anything within an hour window.

I'm a bit like this. I would have just agreed the time and place the day before. Leaving it to the day you're meeting makes it more likely something like this will occur. If he knew you were meeting at 12 at specific place then he might have been up and ready.

I don't get along with flaky people though.

Noon is far too early for lunch anyway.
I absolutely love prescriptive comments like this! Random Mumsnetter Has Spoken: you may not eat lunch when you care to, regardless of appetite, breakfast time, whether or not you have a morning snack, or circumstances. It is Too Early.

Around 12 not later?

Why not just say we have to meet exactly at 12?

YABU. 12.30 is fine for ‘around 12’.

i wouldn’t have been waiting in the cold without a firm plan.

Around 12 doesn’t mean 12.00 on the dot.

Next time sit in a café with a drink to wait for him. Surely you can find something useful to do for 30 minutes on your phone? :)

Another one post wonder from op.

I used to have a friend like this 730 was any time between 720 and 745. He'd moan if he'd turned up at 720 and I'd kept him waiting or if I had the nerve to be 2 minutes late. But he didn't get my issue at having to wait 15 minutes after our agreed time. He lived 5 minutes away so no excuse with traffic

Why on earth did you wait? If 12.30 didn’t work for you, then a breezy “that’s no good for me as you know I’ve got stuff I need to get back for so couldn’t do later than 12. Let’s catch up later/another time, have a great afternoon” would have been the response.

Plus, by 11.45 I’d have messaged to say that it looks are if 12 is no good for him, so you’re heading off home.

"lets meet at 12 at this place".

Done.

You say there’s a problem with communication. But what you said was was vague. People can take what you said different ways as you see here.

If you are trying to make communication better, you need to less vague.

This would do my head in. Why the fuck is it up to him to decide the time and place? Why didn't you just message him at 10 and just say I will meet you at XXX at 12 and, bearing in mind you have had communication misunderstandings in the past, I would have also added "I will be leaving at 12.30 as I have things to do"

I think you are both being unreasonable, but not over the time. The time was a bit of a misunderstanding from what it looks like in your post.

I think he is being unreasonable for not answering before he did, and I think you are being unreasonable for still having the lunch while in a bad mood.

Personally if he'd not replied to me I'd have just gone and had lunch alone, or gone home. I wouldn't have waited. I also wouldn't have stayed and had lunch in a bad mood as that would not have been enjoyable for you either.

Sounds like a big drama over nothing tbh. 1230 would be fine for around 12 for me.

I'm guessing op meant 12 at the latest...but still hung around because she hadn't heard from him, out of some obligation, whilst seething.I kind of get it, I would've been the same back in the day! Definitely a communication issue going on between them and/or something else.

You both need to communicate better.
that aside if you don’t feel valued in the relationship, move on because it will only sour.

I think it seems like an awful lot of fuss over a minor miscommunication. I wouldn't have the energy to be in a huff over this for such a long time. You'd have been better off just going "no sorry that's too late for me, maybe we can meet later in the week?" and go get on with your day, rather than getting yourself in a mood and then sulking through the lunch anyway making the entire endeavour a bit pointless.

I agree.

If you want to meet at a specific time state that time clearly and without woolly 'arounds or abouts'.

I’d take ‘Around 12, no later’ to mean you’re aiming to be there for 12, but not being militant about it & accepting traffic/life/whatever might mean you get there close to 12, but not exactly.

Tbh if I hadn’t had a reply by 11, I’d have sacked the whole thing off and just gotten on with my day though.

can I ask why do you set off without him answering you from 10am not confirming whether the plan was still on?