To be pissed at having to wait half an hour

[Cobfused]

Big argument between myself and boyfriend.
We agreed last night to go out for lunch today. I said I had lots of things to do today, so needs to be early. I said, "at around 12, no later." He said, "ok."
(That is important because we have had misunderstandings in the past about being late because times/places weren't confirmed when I thought they were).

I message him about 10 today asking where to meet. No reply. Message again about 11. No reply. I decide to head into town to do shopping and then meet him at 12. I call him at quarter to 12, half wondering if he was still asleep in bed. No reply. 10 minutes later he messages me to confirm the place and the time for half 12.

So I'm very annoyed that he left it so late to tell me that time, annoyed that I'd said no later than 12, and most of all annoyed because we said 12 and he said ok!!!!! I can't bear being left waiting, he knows this. I am never ever late for him. So I have to hang around for half and hour with my bags, it was cold and boring.

I'm very cross when he turns up, also very hurt that he obviously doesn't value my time.

So now we're arguing because he says I ruined the lunch by being 'grumpy' and I should have held it in if that's how I felt because he had said sorry (I prompted him heavily that he needed to say sorry). Also, he points out that I said 'around' 12, not exactly 12.

So, who is the one being unreasonable?

If you mean meet at 12 you need to be specific and say exactly that..... About 12 is too vague!

So you didn't arrange an exact time or place to meet? I can understand the misunderstanding in this case.

YABU

12:30 is around 12 so YABU

You've got only yourself to blame

Firstly, you said "at around 12:00, no later"

For you that might mean 12:00 but for somebody else it could mean 12:30

Secondly, you mention something about it happening before. If that's the case why are you being so vague about what time to meet?

You need to agree an actual time

Not an "at around"

I don't think he was unreasonable but can also see why you were annoyed as you said no later than 12. I'd suggest firming times beforehand or accepting you have different approaches to this!

Around 12 isnt exacly 12. If you meant 12 sharp you should have said so. Anyway far to early for lunch., YABU.

probably should have been a bit more specific ie "I want us to be arriving at the place about 11:50 so that we can be actually ordering our food around 12"

but yanbu as you specifically said "no later" and 12:30 is definitely later.

Didn't you already post this about a week or so ago? Because this is majorly similar to what I read

"at around 12, no later."

That isn't a specific time though, for me "around 12" means 11:30-12:30 is fine; any time before 11:30 is too early and any time after about 1pm is too late.

TBH if I was busy and short on time I would not have been leaving the specifics until the day of. It would have taken a few seconds to message him the night before to say "I'll meet you for lunch at 12pm at Cafe Fancie, let me know if that doesn't work for you, otherwise see you tomorrow"

If he had then not turned up at 12pm then you would not be unreasonable to be annoyed, but that isn't the case.

I can understand your perspectives op, I'm guilty of lateness

Yabu. Also if you were going to be stroppy about him being 30 minutes later than you expected because he’s not telepathic, I don’t get why you just didn’t make other plans. You paid money to sit there eating in a shit mood, and put him in a shit mood too.

If you're American I will assume you weren't pissed but pissed off.

I’m surprised that most people think that YABU. Your fella knows you hate waiting around and yet made you wait around for over half an hour with no excuses, explanations or apologies. He also ignored 3 of your messages. I would have been bloody pissed off too!

Yeah, the 12-12.30 wouldn't have annoyed me. What's irritating about this is you having to hang around all morning with him not answering calls and messages not knowing what was going on so you get on with shopping. Then he decides to pick a time. I'd have told him off for not being in contact sooner so you could plan your morning but then let it go.

Would you be silly enough to wait around for someone who had been ignoring you all morning though?

if you wanted to go at 12, not 12.30 you should have said that and cracked on with whatever else you had planned - not gone to lunch and been grumpy the entire time.

You should have been more specific. "Around 12" to me is anywhere between 11.30 and 12.30, and I'm quite a stickler when it comes to time.

Noon is far too early for lunch anyway.

She wasn’t left waiting around, she chose to wait around. They didn’t agree a specific time the day before, there were no firm plans in place or time until 11:50am and then for unclear reasons she chose to turn up thirty minutes early and stand outside, rather than perhaps continuing to browse the shops.

If she really could not start lunch any later than midday, then she should have just texted back that she didn’t have time today and gone home. Better than sulking through lunch.

It sounds like you are pussy footing around him a lot. You didn’t have to wait. That was a choice you made. You should have been firmer about the time. You are right to be annoyed that he kept you hanging all morning.

It sounds like you aren’t really compatible. Why not look for a boyfriend who values your time as much as you do?

This. Its the lack of confirmation of the plan that's annoying.

I would have left personally because he couldn't be bothered to let me know what he was doing.

You are both unreasonable and probably not compatible

YABU
”"at around 12, no later." Usually means anytime during the hour of 12. As in 12:00 to 12:59. So meeting at 12:30 is smack in the middle of 12.

If you meant “no later than 12” or “at 12” you should have said that.

You can’t really be upset with him for taking your words at face value. This miscommunication is on you.

The op said “around 12, not later” the “no later” would mean could be before 12, but not after.

where you went wrong was waiting. When he said 12:30, you should have responded “that’s too late, we agreed 12, I’ll get something quick on my own and we’ll do something another time.”

if you wait for late people they don’t learn they can’t be late - and I say that as a semi-reformed late person. I know which things I can flex by a 10 minutes, half an hour, or not at all. You have allowed him to mentally pigeon hole meet ups with you as flex by half an hour.

you need to make completely firm plans with a habitual later - “12 noon at x” if they aren’t there by 12:10, you leave.