To be pissed at having to wait half an hour

[Cobfused]

Big argument between myself and boyfriend.
We agreed last night to go out for lunch today. I said I had lots of things to do today, so needs to be early. I said, "at around 12, no later." He said, "ok."
(That is important because we have had misunderstandings in the past about being late because times/places weren't confirmed when I thought they were).

I message him about 10 today asking where to meet. No reply. Message again about 11. No reply. I decide to head into town to do shopping and then meet him at 12. I call him at quarter to 12, half wondering if he was still asleep in bed. No reply. 10 minutes later he messages me to confirm the place and the time for half 12.

So I'm very annoyed that he left it so late to tell me that time, annoyed that I'd said no later than 12, and most of all annoyed because we said 12 and he said ok!!!!! I can't bear being left waiting, he knows this. I am never ever late for him. So I have to hang around for half and hour with my bags, it was cold and boring.

I'm very cross when he turns up, also very hurt that he obviously doesn't value my time.

So now we're arguing because he says I ruined the lunch by being 'grumpy' and I should have held it in if that's how I felt because he had said sorry (I prompted him heavily that he needed to say sorry). Also, he points out that I said 'around' 12, not exactly 12.

So, who is the one being unreasonable?

You had a lot on?but we're waiting for texts,filling in time with shopping then waiting around?
I don't think you were busy.
Do you find it difficult to not be in control?
A lunch,and probably the rest of the day ruined over this half hour?
Do you think this reflects an issue that needs to be looked at more closely?

Could you not do some of the stuff before meeting him 🤷🏻‍♀️, all sounds very complicated and stressful for a weekend. I'd dump you for being pissy about half an hour and badgering me to apologise if we agreed on 'around 12' Life is too short to spend it with people who make the smallest thing an issue and sulk about it like a petulant child,

You need to practise saying you were annoyed that he wasn't answering and then quickly move on to positivity - leaving old grumps behind.
You are responsible for your own happiness so you could have had a lovely lunch. Practise your inner zen.
Remind yourself to be more specific next time.

I would have had lunch on my own at 12 and then ignored him for the rest of the day, but that’s just me.

I’m just so surprised so many people hear “around 12, no later” and think “between 12noon and 1pm”, rather than “11:45-12:15”.

it’s interesting that so many think “around a time” means that’s the earliest you’d meet, rather the middle point in the meeting time window.

OP, never say “around” a time to this man again, say “meet at 12“. Give exact times. allow a maximum 10 minutes for stuck in traffic then leave. As a former regularly late person, knowing someone won’t let you be late is actually pretty important to make you focus.

I like to eat my lunch early, but even I would never even consider arranging to meet for lunch at 11:45am!

It sounds like you miscommunicated and then went out earlier than you needed to; life doesn’t have to be this difficult

I got so sick of late friends that I have a 20min lateness cutoff where I just go home. There's nothing worse than waiting for these pricks.

@Aprilx - but if that’s meeting, it’s unlikely you’d have walked to the restaurant, ordered your food and had it served before 12:10. Perhaps it’s because I hear “early lunch” and think “late brunch” !

Why are you still with this man child? He doesn't respect you or value your time.

The fact he messed up and ignored what you said then was angry that you were miffed says it all, it smacks of him being self important.

You said 'around 12' 12.30 is perfectly acceptable

If I hadn't heard back by 11:30 I'd have just text saying I assume lunch is off and got on with my day. Leaving you guessing is more bloody rude than the half hour later thing.

In this instance it sounds likes you wanted to control this particular meet up because you had a busy day( fair enough) , but you didn't organise or communicate well enough. You had the urgency, you should have sorted booking etc. and told him what to do.
He probably didn't get your urgency and therefore didn't think anything of not being in touch earlier in the day. You said around, so presumed that 12:30 was reasonable time.

A word of advice from someone married for more than 25+ years:
Don't try to go against nature, it's only an up hill struggle. If you are a naturally organised person who likes to be in control, often fitting multiple things into the day, then try to remember that you can't transform someone who isn't naturally like this. They will piss you off with their spontaneous and seemingly haphazard ways, and you will annoy the hell out of them with your insistence in planning supposedly pleasurable activities like a military operation.
Either you let your partner be who they are or take turns in how things are organised and go along with it. Or, you find a partner who is similar to you in this aspect.