To be pissed off at this comment

[Outoftouchinconsiderate]

Due to extremely difficult circumstances we’ve both had to give up work. We had tried part time and outsourcing things (eg got a cleaner) but it still wasn’t working so I became a sahp full time - still didn’t work so dp gave up too.
DC have multiple complex health and SEN issues.

At no point have family offered support or practical help . We’ve now been on the receiving end of judgemental comments now neither of us are working .

We’ve been told we should be volunteering to give something back to the society that is ‘keeping us’ 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

Honestly had enough

I honestly don't know how people have the nerve to ask 'Did you really both need to give up work?' when they have no idea of what is actually required in order to look after your children with their specific needs. Breathtakingly insensitive and arrogant. My children have no SEN and threads like yours remind me how fortunate I am and that anyone having children could end up in a situation like yours. You deserve nothing but sympathy and admiration, OP.

If you are doing what you have to do it doesn't matter what other people think so just keep on doing what you are

If you both need to not work then just do it, we don't have to get it

But you cant control how other people think or feel, if they comment tell them they are wrong

How old are your kids op?

@BluetheBear
Yes, thank-you, that's pretty much what I meant. I don't doubt for one moment it's hard. I understand her frustration but it sounds like she's angry at her parents (the world?) when it's not their fault...and in the nicest way, not their problem.

@MeMyCatsAndMyBooks People
who lack understanding are commenting to help OP understand why others might lack understanding or be judgmental. This is directly to the point of OP's thread.

Do whatever you need to cope and ignore others judgemental comments. Stress, breakdown etc rates are high amongst parents having to cope with disabled children day in day out, not to mention marriage breakdown rates being high. You need to do whatever you need to do to get through.

@Outoftouchinconsiderate

Hi. Mum to ADHDer and small twins, so know to some extent about the troubles you face, although all situations are different.

I think you have to balance the whole "I don't have to explain myself to anyone" and constantly sticking to that, Vs "if I shared more, they would understand more."

It annoys me when you get threads full of "it's none of their business, judgemental arseholes" when it's actually, they call it how they see (however misguided) largely because the OP does nothing to facilitate a better understanding, all on the premise "I shouldn't have too." Technically, no you shouldn't. But it's this constant circle of they don't know how hard it is, but I don't educate them, on principle, so they continue not to know.

With eldest ADHD, I had similar, with comments of being lucky to receive so much DLA, what would I spend it all on. As though suddenly I had a free holiday fund. Of course that pissed me off. So I have two options. Do nothing to change the misconception that I had hundreds to blow on manicures courtesy of the government, or explain, how frequently I needed to replace carpet, furniture, clothing, cover the hours I spent with doctors, the school, therapists. The former, I keep my principle that I shouldn't have to explain. The latter, suddenly people become aware, more sympathetic, more educated, want to help, and critically don't have the sheltered thought process they had before when they meet someone else in a similar situation.

The second option, basically everyone wins. It astonishes me how so many people actively choose the former, because "principle" and "it's not my job to educate." Fine. But if you're going to abdicate any part of assisting a situation that you want to complain about, when it's in your hands to do something about it, then take some accountability for keeping the situation in the state it is.