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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding evening do tonight & covid dilemma

119 replies

Valerie65 · 25/03/2023 09:41

So, we're supposed to be going to an evening wedding do tonight. No issue with it just being the evening do, this was the norm when we got married in the 80's. But I was in very close contact with someone on Thursday night. She tested negative yesterday but positive this morning. She says I wouldn't get it from her as she was positive only this morning. I'm starting to feel a bit under the weather too, but not ill enough to stay at home & miss the do tonight.
If I test negative later today do you think it's fair that we still go tonight? I know we have to live with it these days & just crack on with it, but we should still protect each other, not sure what to do. The grooms mother is vulnerable if she gets it & she's a very close friend of mine, we'll no doubt be sitting with my husbands elderly aunt & uncle too, its a dilemma

OP posts:
WeCome1 · 25/03/2023 12:56

smashinggrapes · 25/03/2023 12:31

Ask the bride 🤣🤣🤣 Jesus. People really are socially inept.

☹️

I was just thinking that if she tests negative the key people might actually rather she was there.
It seemed compassionate rather than socially inept. Otherwise there is the risk of not attending and upsetting people, or attending and upsetting people.

It was just a suggestion, I wasn’t saying this is what she must do. I did put it with a question mark.

I’m responding to @jenjenlinks too, here.

You’ve both been really rude.

neilyoungismyhero · 25/03/2023 13:03

It's really your decision isn't it? Personally I wouldn't chance it especially if you're going to be close to CEV people and you're already feeling a bit off colour. I know we have to live with this now and we do but I also think we need to be mindful of others whether it's covid or flu.

Itsmyturnnow1 · 25/03/2023 13:07

I’d go anyway. We are meant to be living with it now. Most people don’t test, then you don’t know and have the dilemma! Funny how it’s all gone quiet in the news now isn’t it? It’s a non issue in my opinion… you could spread any virus at any point, you just wouldn’t know as we don’t swab for ‘normal’ flu!

gamerchick · 25/03/2023 13:10

I'd speak to the bride and ask her what she thinks.

ScreamingInfidelities · 25/03/2023 13:11

WeCome1 · 25/03/2023 11:01

Would it help if you ask the bride/groom to ask the vulnerable people what they think?

I would imagine the bride and groom will be pretty busy, what with it BEING THEIR WEDDING DAY. What a ridiculous suggestion.

Ketchupwee · 25/03/2023 13:13

As someone who caught Covid at their own wedding because a guest decided they were just feeling under the weather so should still attend, and had to deal with two weeks of texts after the wedding telling them that other people had also caught Covid and were annoyed, I implore you to give it a miss. It really spoilt our memories of the day

smashinggrapes · 25/03/2023 13:14

"I'd speak to the bride and ask her what she thinks."

It's 1pm. I'd imagine that the bride is pretty busy at the moment. The OP isn't even close enough to the bride to be at the day do. I really doubt a call to chat about her starting to feel a bit iffy would be welcome or appropriate

smashinggrapes · 25/03/2023 13:15

Wow @Ketchupwee your wedding guests are really rude. Did they actually spend your honeymoon period texting you to tell you they were annoyed?!

gloriousmulch · 25/03/2023 13:17

i’d say test, and if it’s negative and you don’t feel too unwell, go.

Ketchupwee · 25/03/2023 13:22

smashinggrapes · 25/03/2023 13:15

Wow @Ketchupwee your wedding guests are really rude. Did they actually spend your honeymoon period texting you to tell you they were annoyed?!

Well we weren't on honeymoon as we were both sick as dogs with Covid ourselves (lovely wedding present) but yes we got a lot of 'I've got Covid from your wedding, now I might not be able to go on holiday/go to work/ whatever other thing I couldn't give a toss about'.

Even months later whenever the wedding comes up, people go on to say 'oh that's where we caught Covid' or 'did you know x was really ill with Covid after your wedding' so it really has cast a massive shadow over the memory of it

Ketchupwee · 25/03/2023 13:27

So no, they didn't outright come and say they were annoyed, but it certainly felt like they were blaming us for it

smashinggrapes · 25/03/2023 13:29

That's crap. What's wrong with people these days?

Alittlestar · 25/03/2023 13:31

I wouldn't go. Your friend tested positive, you're not feeling well so have likely caught it but you're just not testing positive yet and you're going to be in close contact with vulnerable, elderly people. If I was in your situation I would stay home.

cartagenagina · 25/03/2023 13:35

As you would be in close contact with vulnerable people, no I wouldn’t go.

I know they could catch it anywhere, but I wouldn’t be able to cope with the guilt if someone died or was seriously ill and I had infected them.

BuffyTheCat · 25/03/2023 13:38

You’re not feeling well, you know you’ve been exposed to covid, and other guests are vulnerable. Why would you even consider gambling with other people’s health?

TheNoodlesIncident · 25/03/2023 13:39

I wouldn't go out if I was starting to feel unwell and had been in contact with someone who now has covid. Regardless of the how the law stands, it's just being thoughtful and considerate of other people.

It's a wedding reception, not a Nobel prize award. Send them a cheque in a card and wish them well, don't go and spread infectious disease instead.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 25/03/2023 13:41

Do you know how terrifying it is to be alone on a covid ward not knowing if you will live or die. Then having to cut your hours at work causing financial hardship due to long covid, because I do. Please don't knowingly do this to other.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 25/03/2023 13:43

Don’t go.

you’ve been in contact with a contagious illness that you know is dangerous to vulnerable people and you’re not feeling right.

You wouldn’t go (I hope) if you feared you were coming down with D&V, chicken pox, measles or anything else contagious.

jenjenlinks · 25/03/2023 13:46

WeCome1 · 25/03/2023 12:56

☹️

I was just thinking that if she tests negative the key people might actually rather she was there.
It seemed compassionate rather than socially inept. Otherwise there is the risk of not attending and upsetting people, or attending and upsetting people.

It was just a suggestion, I wasn’t saying this is what she must do. I did put it with a question mark.

I’m responding to @jenjenlinks too, here.

You’ve both been really rude.

Show quote history

Ruder than disturbing the bride and groom at their wedding? Ruder than putting the decision on elderly and or vulnerable guests, who will feel like they can't say no but also want to say yes?

Ruder than that? I think not.

It is not compassionate to disturb a wedding for an evening guest to make it all about them. They aren't even invited to the wedding, nobody will care if they don't come. They will however care if they give covid to their guests. Or maybe even to the happy couple as an extra wedding gift....

Go, don't go, whatever. Your choice. But if you go don't say anything gto anyone, and don't even consider calling anyone to ask! Bonkers idea.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/03/2023 13:48

If you're already feeling slightly unwell, Covid or not don't go
It's not worth the risk of passing anything on
My DS is currently positive for the 4th time and won't risk meeting me until he's clear

smileladiesplease · 25/03/2023 13:50

Unless you feel really unwell I would go but I think I am in the minority.

whateverwillbewillbewontit · 25/03/2023 13:52

Personally, I'd stay at home.
I had Covid last week and even though there's no more rules on isolation, I didn't go out. For the average person it might just be a bad cold but for someone vulnerable it can still be really yucky.

Put it this way, my dad is elderly and vulnerable and if he caught Covid from someone who was feeling a bit under the weather but went and sat next to him anyway, I'd be pretty miffed.

Hbh17 · 25/03/2023 13:54

I just can't believe that people are STILL testing for a minor illness.....

jannier · 25/03/2023 13:56

If you're feeling under weather you shouldn't be near a vulnerable person no matter what you have but more so if it could be Covid.

gloriousmulch · 25/03/2023 13:57

@Hbh17 it’s still possible to pass it on to people for whom it’s not a minor illness. So nothing wrong with a bit of caution / consideration.