To not be over what happened to me during covid/lockdowns

[ifyougochasingrabbits]

Just a few of the things I went through

Losing my cleaning business i had built up over years overnight due to everyone cancelling us

Being humiliated by the headteacher at DC school shouting at me in front of other parents because I refused to wear a mask outside . My little girl being made to start school late and finish late because I was unable to wear a mask to collect her (school run was all outside I may add and I had no problem wearing masks in shops etc but I drew the line at in the fresh air outside)

watching thousands of pounds of income disappear at an alarming rate. while wondering if we’d still have jobs and be able to keep the house we’d worked our arses off for for years to buy. Going through six months of trauma with H furloughed and depressed because his work could not guarantee he'd still have a job at the end of it. He was on half pay as furlough was only paid up to about 30k salary iirc and if you were on more it was employers discretion to pay the full salary which his work didn't. He was even applying for jobs at supermarkets and delivery driving etc and getting no where despite having a high level job at a major house builder.

Watching selfish morons stockpiling at the very beginning

“Friends” dumping me, one Cos I dared voice out loud that I wasn’t personally scared of covid and was struggling with restrictions and did not agree with them.

Having to deal with the fact that many of my (remaining) friends had views I completely don’t agree with and accepting they probably feel same about me.
And having to cope with the fact they supported restrictions that were destroying our lives and mental health

Having my business absolutely trashed all over social media and being called a dirty bitch and worse by local people. Fake bad reviews etc. The “reason” was they took exception to me saying on a local page post that I didn't believe in masks in school (this was due to my kids really struggling with them) My 14 year old said he agreed and some of them then found him on fb and messaged him insulted his looks and called him stupid and a fucking moron etc. This was actual grown adults.

a random person inboxed me on Facebook due to seeing my business ad and threatened to "smash my face in" because she thinks i was “endangering lives” by working

My neighbour reporting us to the police for having an illegal gathering. This "illegal gathering" was me, my H and our 3 dc having a bbq in the garden. Needless to say we all live together

Being put on medication for panic attacks and anxiety in fact I minimised it to the gp. I was actually suicidal and the only reason I am still here is because of my kids and the fact my husband and parents had the same views as me. But I would secretly hope to die in my sleep and almost every day I would wake up and cry because I was still here.

Watching my 3 Kids completely fall apart due to schools being closed. While not only having to deal with seeing posts all over fb about how well other kids were doing and coping doing all their work, managing great. And knowing some people I care about actually wanted schools shut. One of my kids is still very unwell mentally and it all started with lockdowns

Oh and to add final insult to injury, in November 2021 I had to pay £5700 (which was part credit card and part all of our savings) privately for an operation that should have been freely available on the nhs. But cos covid they could not give me a date and I was getting more and more poorly and could not wait.

I am still angry and maybe I should get over it. But I can't. And There's probably more but these are the stand out moments. I'm doing okay now and I have a new business and I'm doing well, H has a new job as he could not trust his old place after covid. but I've been very low again recently with the anniversary of it all

This. Every word. 👏🏻

An excellent post. Godwin's law might be being referenced here, but the parallels in human behaviour are striking.

Everyone suffered during Covid. People forget that, at the start, it was more deadly and we didn’t know exactly how deadly due to China being uncooperative.

Most of what you suffered was because of your own stupidity. Don’t plaster anti mask stuff over Facebook when people are scared. I suspect that you were partly responsible for your children’s mental health issues due to you ‘woe is us’ attitude.

I lost my business and my husband had to reapply for his job at the start of Covid. My dad was diagnosed with cancer on the day of lockdown so we all had to shield until he had had his vaccination. But do you know what…we made the best of it! We were positive and talked to the children about curveballs that life throws at you. How we were shielding to protect grandad (who is still here!). The children missed out on a lot but gained so much in other ways. None of us now have mental health problems due to Covid.

I look back at Covid and shake my head. Not really about most of the rules, scientists were thrashing about in the dark, history shows us pandemics usually run their course over a couple of years. The thing I’m left open mouthed at is the attitudes it brought out, I should be really surprised I guess. Every disaster in history has seen roughly the same. Some people blindly follow rules, some people blindly don’t follow rules. Rules that were first out in place for practical reasons then become a badge of morality. Once that happens the practical aspects of the rules become less important, it no longer matters if the rules don’t make sense as society changes because the important thing now is the morality of the rules. What you experienced is the age old witch hunt. People who feel morally superior (usually bolstered by numbers/media(being the new church) and justified in acting like complete cunts because god/the media/scientists are on their side. Society seems to be full of almost religious zealotry, prob more so than at any point since the Enlightenment. Everything is presented as black and white. Critical thinking has long left the town/planet.

Im sorry you went through so much, you were a victim of covid, covid claimed many victims who suffered in many different ways. People only seem to think about body counts directly as a result of covid.

I would recommend getting some counselling. As crap as everything was, you got through it, you need to be more present. If counselling is not achievable in the short term try some mindfulness techniques. I would also esp recommend things like yoga (ideally yim yoga) as a lot of trauma is stored in the body - see The body keeps the score by Bessel van der Kolk

It’s easy to look back now and say what should and shouldn’t have happened but at the time it was terrifying and the totally unknown.
I lost my Mother in April 2020 to Covid, she was in a care home and when I got the call to go to the hospital (either me or my sister, we couldn’t both go) the terror I felt going in their was just indescribable. Yes looking back we can see things differently but at the time we just did the best we could.
I also have a son who worked in ICU throughout and he has definitely been impacted by his experiences- he saw fit, young people die before him - no one back then knew who would live or die, surely wearing a mask wasn’t a lot to ask even if it only helped a tiny, tiny bit?
You got away lightly OP, be grateful for what you have.

Completely agree, the way the British public seemed to lose any powers of critical thinking en masse was astonishing. Have lost respect for a lot of people I know due to their blinkered sheep like attitude.

Ah, the wonders of hindsight. We were dealing with something unprecedented in anyone's experience, but for which governments all over the world were taking similar measures. Indeed, many were imposing even more draconian measures. But you think British people should all have decided that they knew better.

What do you suggest was the alternative? Should we just have let the pandemic rage and watch the NHS collapse?

Hate threads like this when the op doesn’t reply to different points of view and just the ones who agree with her!!

You like having your opinions agreed with, but call others who didn't agree with you, or do things that you wanted, morons? You're a raging hypocrite.

Exactly. I was broadly in favour of the essence of lockdowns.

But how people invited extra rules, policed each other, failed to think critically etc was quite astonishing to watch

I saw people criticised on social media for failing to stand on their doorstep and clap the NHS FFS.

Use above name for covid related things…

Empathise with everything you have said it was absolutely horrific. We had 12 bereavements of close friends and family, husband furloughed, child SEN barred from school (waiting for diagnosis at that point), lost all of our dreams and aspirations essentially. And I now have a permanent disability due to lack of access to medical treatment….

All totalling traumatising.

Where I have no comprehension of your calling out for sympathy is with the masks. Unless you have some sort of medical or life sciences qualification and can prove otherwise it would be wise to follow the guidelines set by people who are actually qualified.

The rules were/are there for a reason. We lost 2 people specifically because of others not following guidance. One was in their 30s. Another friend ended up in intensive care 12 weeks due to this.

Please do not think that you are more qualified to make public health decisions than people who have trained and worked within the sector.

Its the equivalent of somebody untrained trying to give a Swedish massage, gel nails and eyebrow wax… They haven’t a bloody clue and make a balls up for other people.

Everything relating to the masks was entirely self inflicted.

For the other valid trauma, seek therapy.

I am so sorry for what happened to your husband and I hope you and your children are doing ok

I was a (very new) junior doctor at the beginning of the pandemic. I have never played 'pandemic top trumps' and was happy to sympathise with my friends who were struggling with furlough and isolation. However, it is so so frustrating to read some of these dismissive takes, particularly as posters are now posting with the benefit of nearly 3 years hindsight. There was no big conspiracy we were all in on. This was a novel virus. We were all so scared. We were terrified of passing it onto our patients, of bringing it home. There were no vaccines and no treatments. We didn't have adequate PPE. It was a case in China and then Italy and then in a hospital on the other side of the country and then suddenly it was everywhere and it seemed impossible to predict who would do badly. Of course the government had to take extraordinary measures, we didn't know what we were dealing with! It would have been incredibly irresponsible to let the virus run its course.

One of the most frightening things was checking the number of ITU beds each day; I work in a big teaching hospital and some days there were no beds. Anyone could need an ITU bed regardless of COVID - car accident, serious operation, head injury etc. We had to create hospital capacity. Sadly, this did involve cancelling operations. It doesn't matter how many actual beds were in the hospital - if there aren't ITU beds, for example, a lot of operations can not go ahead.

I doubt anyone enjoyed lock down or would do it again. It decimated our training experience and left a lot of staff burnt out. I can't claim to have had anywhere near as bad an experience as friends who worked on the COVID wards in London and have been diagnosed with PTSD. I think it is possible to both agree lockdown was rubbish and affected people in many ways and to agree that, when faced with this unprecedented situation, it was necessary.

Sounds like you brought a lot of it on yourself OP.

Note you’re only answering people who agree with you.

And that’s great you came out of it without mental health issues, but it doesn’t make you stronger/better than people who suffered mental health problems as a result of covid. It’s such an out of touch view that mental health is due to something that the suffer did wrong or wasn’t strong enough. Just like your Dad was susceptible to cancer, he wasn’t weak or bad, even though someone who lived exactly the same life didn’t get it. Mental health outcomes from the same scenario vary widely dependent on biological factors/past experiences:innate personality types etc. People who have to deal with poor mental health are some of the strongest I know. You were just lucky.

Why did you draw a line at that? We sometimes have to do things that have been deemed good/necessary for all of us even if it doesn't suit us personally. I can't imagine how upset your child must have been at your causing a scene at school and then being late every day because you put your "line" before your child. No wonder your kids struggled. As parents we put our kids first and try not to stress them. Of all the children and teenagers I know only one out of dozens has had any issues post lockdown and she quickly got over it very quickly and one teenager I know who was suffering anxiety before lockdown completely recovered when the pressure was taken off for a few months and has flourished since.

I was made redundant in an industry that couldn’t ‘work’ during Covid. DP lost his business. I couldn’t see my parents for 18 months because my dad had lung cancer. My anxiety ridden daughter struggled. My sister was transferred from being a Sister in theatre to Covid wards and Covid operating theatres. She spent the Covid months working such long hours in full Covid protective clothing.

I’m not minimising your experience but it was hard for many people. You have to accept it happened and move on from it.

I agree with you OP, especially after seeing Matt Hancocks messages about wanting to frighten the pants off everyone with the new strain. Funny how the government flouted the laws but everyone else was expected by abide by them.

I think after all you went through which resulted in poor mental health the worst thing you could have done is post about it on mumsnet AIBU!
You should do yourself a favour and step away from social media, especially as a lot of these issues were Facebook based.
It's okay to have unpopular opinions but sometimes it's wise to keep them to yourself and be seen to be towing the line, or else be aware there are consequences of being an outlier.

And your qualifications as a supermarket checkout worker allowed you to conclude that the lockdown was ridiculous. Amazing!

The OP went through some awful things, that doesn't detract from others, but she has a right to say you know what this really affected me.

absolutely - we all had different covid experiences. For the most part mine wasn't awful, didn't lose friends/family and live in the country so got out a lot.

But i lost my job, one of my DCs mental health is completely wrecked and we got stir crazy.

Other people had it (much) worse, others had it better. And it is ok to talk about our experiences. But it would be better if there was less mud slinging and more empathy and understanding. Just talking often helps.

But how people invited extra rules, policed each other, failed to think critically etc was quite astonishing to watch

this is fodder for all sorts of dissertations and theses for evermore i think. There was a singular disability for some people to behave like actual grown ups. It ranges from screaming at 15 year olds who couldn't wear a mask (I'm sorry for the pp who went through that) to police stopping people having a, socially distanced, walk outside with a takeaway coffee and everything beyond and between.

Critical thinking is something that probably ought to get back on the curriculum.

But i agree with pp about the rules: if the rules were made, they were there to be kept by everyone. And where necessary/desirable challenged (writing to MPs or whatever). It was a big hot mess and part of it is because (not just the British) governments weren't prepared. I hope they are disaster planning now for the next thing, and will have a better grasp of what is necessary and what works.

Covid affected people in so many different ways - some good, some bad, some devastating. Sounds like you had it tough OP - and perhaps you are suffering from a bit of PTSD? It's a lot to go through for anyone. YANBU for feeling the way you are, and please don't minimise your feelings because others posters have lost loved ones, or were 'bagging bodies'. It's not a competition. The affects of the pandemic will probably last for years, but if we look back at history, people have overcome wars, famines, natural disasters etc and have lived to tell tale. It's about moving forward now the best we can and having things to look forward to. I think many of us are still rebuilding our lives but it will get easier and things will get better as time goes on.

Please make a visit to see your GP and talk things through with them about how you're feeling.

OP you lost money and your dignity. You did not behave in a dignified manner. Dignity is difficult to get back. Especially to others who lost so much more.

You seem unable to imagine how much extra stress you put teachers etc under at a stressful time for everyone.

Masks work. It isn’t difficult to understand. They stop so many virus particles circulating. So the viral load another person breathes in isn’t as much. Which is a factor on how severe a disease they get.

No YANBU. It was a shit time . We were frightened & judged , many lost loved ones , businesses and incomes .
Our children missed out on valuable education and social activities and to top it all we now found we were lied to whilst others partied and profiteered
I feel aggrieved too . My darling mother was told she was dying all alone in hospital . By the time I was allowed to see her she was unconscious. I never got to say goodbye or tell her I loved her
The name calling , particularly on social media was horrific . We all dealt with lockdown differently according to our individual circumstances. No one had the right to judge
I really hope things pick up for you Op. 💕

Two people I know died of COVID, both younger than 60, and lots of people who took months, if not a year or more to recover fully.

I don't know anyone who has died from the vaccine, or suffered long term effects.

Stopped reading when you refused, for a non medical reason, to wear a mask outside.

Sorry you lost your business.

And this is why we'd be fucked if something similar happened again.

The General Public, thinking that they know more about a virus than Chris Whitty.

In a Global Emergency, why can't people just do as they are fucking told?

Yes, with reflection things could have been done differently, but of course hindsight is always 20/20. But when you're in the thick of a virus that you don't know much about, at least fucking listen to the experts that have decades of knowledge between them, and do as you're asked until further notice.