AIBU nursery worker stepped on my baby's hand

[2babies93]

DD is 12 months. She's been at nursery for a few months as I'm back at work. We've had a few problems there, mostly though, the manager's attitude sucks. We decided to look for, and have found, somewhere else, but they don't have space for 6 months. (This is because of other unrelated issues which are not relevant to this incident).

Last week I got a call from the nursery; "A carer was walking past DD and then she started crying. On review of CCTV we can't see what happened, but they may have stepped on her hand." Her hand was red and sore after, but not swollen. She was fine that evening when I picked her up.

They won't let me see the CCTV - is that normal?

I understand that kids have accidents. She's banged her head, fallen over, been bitten etc. and these incidents don't really bother me (much) because I know they will happen. Kids don't know how to play nicely and with staff ratios, they won't be able to prevent everything. I've never complained about an injury/incident before this - and I've not yet formally or otherise complained about this, but I think I might (help!).

I'm uncmofortable with the fact that the carer "may have" stepped on her. Surely you'd know? If it's just an accident, why not just admit it? Also, I feel like this type of accident isn't acceptable. This is not DD v another child, it's DD v an adult. An adult who's working in a nursery and should be careful where they are stepping, right?

I need some outside influence. My main concerns are:

1. The use of "may have", it feels like a cover up?
2. I can't see the CCTV. My older DD was at a different nursery (moved house) and we could see the CCTV of any incidents if requested.
3. The fact that she was hurt by an adult. I don't feel like stepping on a child is acceptable, even if accidentally.

AIBU to insist on seeing the CCTV? WIBU to I take her out early because of this incident? I don't know what we'd do for childcare, but I feel so uncomfortable leaving her there. I'm really upset...

Thank you, please be nice even if I'm being unreasonable. I'm here for help/to get perspective.

Because they aren’t doing what OP wants I think.

It's not "unacceptable" to have an accident. You don't choose when to have one; that's what makes it an accident. If she'd been larking around then yes, it's avoidable and "unacceptable". But just walking normally and genuinely accidentally stepping on a child's fingers? It happens. I'm absolutely positive you've had accidents at some point where something gets broken or someone gets hurt. They're only human and these things happen.

I wouldn't expect to be allowed to view CCTV footage either. If you believe that your daughter was deliberately harmed and you don't believe the nursery's version of events then surely your only sensible option is to remove her from their care and report the incident (not sure who to - the local authority?) so that it can be investigated if required.

Your child is hardly "hurt", she's probably already forgotten about it and there's no lasting damage. YABVU

There would have been agreement around sharingbcctv when you joined which you nondoubybsigned. The cctv is there for serious allegations of abuse and can be used by police it is not there so every Tom dick and Harry can see little Jimmy banged his head when he bumped into little Mary.

Stepping on.little fingers is obviously not very nice but I have stood on my own children's fingers by accident. What do you actually want to gain by pursuing this?

Of course I wouldn't mind. I really don't see why anyone would care if another parent needed to see the CCTV to review an incident relating to their child. I don't think I should get special treatment, I don't understand why any parent can't see the footage of when their child was hurt.

You are expecting special treatment though.

Because they aren’t allowed to show you

OP can submit in writing a formal request to view CCTV footage. They may or may not be granted access.

There are rules about circumstances in which cctv can be shown to other people in every sector arent there? I know when my friend went missing we couldnt ask to be shown cctv from premises along the route, only Gardaí could. Im v surprised the other nursery allowed every parent to see every incident tbh

I just want to be certain it was accidental. I'm not comfortable with them saying "may have" instead of just admitting it. Honestly, if they told me "Sorry, X stepped on her hand..." I'd have brushed it off, it was the whole thing about "We don't know, but maybe someone stepped on her hand" that's got me upset.

Well, any foster carer or adoptive parent could sure as hell tell you why. So could anyone who’s non-contact with a volatile relative or has orders against the other parent. Anyone who’s worked in criminal law and prosecuted (or even defended) child abduction/rape/torture/murder cases. Your ignorance of why protecting children is important doesn’t trump those children being safe.

If you believe for even a fraction of a second that they are covering something up, just remove your child. You clearly do not trust them.
Surely they wouldn't even have told you if it's a cover up

I think you'll be sorely disappointed then, it is a good enough reason, accidents happen.

Do you really believe that it's possible that one of the workers deliberately hurt your daughter?

If so, why would you take her back? If I thought for even a minute that the childcare provider looking after my child was deliberately hurting her there's no way I'd leave her there, even if that meant taking leave from work and scrabbling around trying to find an emergency solution.

Technically, you can ask to see anything you like. They’ll just almost certainly say no. For footage in a nursery, of children, only named safeguarding leads and management roles are permitted to view it, along with the police or someone with a court order.

OP - You clearly don’t understand the laws around GDPR & safeguarding. You are also clearly unhappy with the nursery so why have you not removed your child 🤷🏼‍♀️

As opposed to what? Do you think they stepped on your child’s hand on purpose, NOT accidentally? Why would they do that? Sorry, I think you’re BU .

There is most likely other children in the cctv and perhaps they can not get a clear image of exactly how your dd hand was hurt but have made a reasonable conclusion from what images they have reviewed.
Unless your dd has broken a bone I don't think they are being unreasonable, they have their own rules and regulations to adhere by, you don't get special treatment at the expense of these rules which are there to protect vulnerable and looked after children because you don't like management's rules.

I understand you are upset but you are making it more than it is, YABU.

I just want to be certain it was accidental.

Footage or not, this is a nursery where you think a staff member may have deliberately stamped on your daughter's hand! I wouldn't leave my children somewhere where I felt like that.

You can't see it because other parents have the right to keep their childs privacy and just because your a parent of a child at the nursery it doesn't mean that you would be a trusted adult to any other parent.

Any old parent can't just wander in and demand to see CCTV footage, don't be daft OP. If you think your child has been intentionally hurt then report it to the police who will review the footage.

What do you think you might see on the CCTV? A member of staff purposely standing on your child's hand? Another child standing on your child's hand?
If you're thinking this could be deliberate then you need to remove your child immediately but it's far more likely to just be a simple accident.

I would be absolutely livid and report them to Ofsted for negligence. Yes it was an accident, but they should not have been stepping that close to a baby, and they should have been extremely clear where the baby was at all times!

The CCTV I don’t think they’ll show you but I’d ask for a written assurance from the manager that it will not be deleted. Tell them you are considering a police complaint for criminal negligence and that the CCTV is relevant evidence.

Who stands on a baby ffs.

I wouldn’t leave my baby there another 6 months either.

Don’t get distracted by the CCTV issue, the point is that they negligently injured a baby they were looking after. Work out what action you want. I’d be pushing for an emergency Ofsted inspection.

Are you the OP? 😂

They are saying "may" because they don't know so presumably the cctv doesn't show it in sufficient detail to definitively establish what happened.

As other posters have said if you honestly think there is a chance that a staff member deliberately stepped on your child's hand then trust has clearly broken down between you and the nursery anyway so you should just remove your child.

If the policy says "cctv recordings are private and will not be shared unless requested as part of a criminal investigation" then sharing them with you is going against the policy, so you ARE asking them to make an exception for you.