How much time should I spend playing with our children?

[sunisbetterthanrain]

I'm a SAHM with three under 5. DH has suggested (not in an unpleasant way) that I don't spend enough time playing with the kids but honestly I just find playing with toys utterly boring.
I do very odd bits of arts & crafts, sit with them whilst they colour or use play-clay, I am hopeless at baking, painting is too messy and the role play stuff I just think they can do on their own. I do take them to lots of classes, clubs and plan fun days out but I will admit that when it comes to playing with toys I switch off after 5-10 mins.

AIBU to just think they should be able to play on their own and do the creative stuff at pre-school?

Honest responses - how much time do you spend playing with your children?

I never said anyone else should
spend 6 hours. But there are people
on here that refuse to play with their children at all. Which is shit. I just can’t comprehend having children and then not playing with them at all. I don’t know any parent that doesn’t play at all in real life.

I’m not sure where the floor comes in to it. I certainly don’t spend a lot of time on the floor, we have novel things like tables and chairs and sofas here. The sofa is frequently a bus, a fire engine, ambulance etc

I do spend all the time I can playing with DD, as before I know it she will be at school and that will put an end to most of it as she will be more independent. For now I really love it. But she has 4 long days a week with other children to play with too. The 12ish hours a week I do is hardly excessive and DH does his part too.

But I’ll still have the playmobil, lego and the like on the go when DD has outgrown it. I still love toys age 45.

Rather than worry that you're not playing enough you should be asking your oh who the fuck he thinks he is

I think it’s really good for children to have time To play on their own, and actually sometimes be bored! They can also be involved with your daily tasks like laundry, cooking etc.

I never said anyone else should
spend 6 hours. But there are peopl
on here that refuse to play with their children at all. Which is shit. I just can’t comprehend having children and then not playing with them at all.

^ baffling to me too. Definitely not six hours. But from what I have read in books, it's the quality of the interaction that is most important anyway, not the length of time.

I was bored out of my head playing with my dc.
But I did it because I know how important it was for them.
About 3 hours a day.

I think it just depends on your child's personality from birth tbh! My DD is 4.5 and just like yours and always has been. DS is 1.5 and often plays by himself much more happily than she does now at her age! It's absolutely baffling. I don't think there is anything I could have done about it, I'm sure it's genetics tbh.

Haha I had DS1 and then very, very unexpected DTBs when DS1 was 2.5 and I FEEL YOU. They are older now but the memories of the mind-sapping boredom and bone-melting exhaustion persist. Bloody Octonauts. Do whatever you need to get through.

I think you have to tailor what they see as 'play' to what doesn't drive you insane (or even, what you might enjoy).

I hate pretend play. I cannot cope with it. This is because pretend play is boring and repetitive. For these purposes I prefer to enlist another child (aka 'play date').

I also hate mindless crafts. I much prefer cooking or baking, which at least has a good outcome. DIY and gardening are excellent substitutes too: you can introduce a child to the idea of stripping wallpaper or planting bulbs, and they will love you.

The more you can involve them in real work, the better they will like it, and the less stressed you will be.

I don't think I ever played with toys with my dcs. They played with each other.
I took them out loads, read books, baked, did jigsaws, some crafts, watched films with them, went on bike rides and walks.
I put my feet up or did the cooking and cleaning when they played with toys.
I don't think it's up to your dh to dictate this to you. If he thinks it's important to play, then he should do that.

I'm totally with you on this OP. I could never engage with the toy playing, I just never felt comfortable doing it. With the exception of building Lego 😁

Does your DH play with your children? If so, I think it's perfectly acceptable that he has that role, whilst you do the other things with your children that you mentioned.

There is no onus on you to be literally everything for your children if you are co-parenting with another adult.

I'm surprised so many are pro-Lego, I was a fan as a kid (back when I had an imagination) but now I just find it absolutely mind numbing.

I think things like Lego, magnatiles etc help adults to structure their play with children. Most people lose the interest in free imaginative play as adults but can still find enjoyment in following instructions to build a Lego house or whatever.

Totally agree. I would much rather do role play

Completely agree with this.

And we are all different. If someone is imaginative and loves playing with toys at 45 then great, but that's not everyone's thing. Lots of people enjoy sports I gather, but I don't.

I have learned to enjoy pointless crafts as more of a process driven exercise than a results driven one, so that's helpful.

I think things like Lego, magnatiles etc help adults to structure their play with children. Most people lose the interest in free imaginative play as adults but can still find enjoyment in following instructions to build a Lego house or whatever.

Ah yes, I'm fine with the one's with instructions, it's when it's just random building and I'm supposed to come up with something that I can't abide it anymore.

I have always hated construction toys - Lego, Meccano, Sticklebricks. And worst of all, Airfix models.

If, after I die, I am adjudged to have been a very, very bad person, I shall spend eternity in a small room with central overhead lighting, on a diet of bread and honey, faced with an enormous Airfix box containing a superdeluxe 5000 piece kit for a Star Wars spaceship. Oh, and with The Smiths piped in on a never-ending loop.