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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU baby shower gift request

92 replies

Jeffsmama · 22/03/2023 19:41

DPs brother and partner are expecting a baby. We were not sent the Amazon baby gift wish list to choose a gift/ gifts. MIL (DPs mum who has very kindly bought DPs brother and partner a pushchair > £1k) asked us to purchase a baby monitor @ £190 and seemed quite put out when we declined and firmly said we would happily purchase a gift of our choosing in our price range.

We can afford to buy the baby monitor but don’t feel it’s our obligation to buy something on the more expensive side for the baby/ parents - they have chosen to have a baby and we don’t feel it’s our responsibility to meet their expectations of gifting. Should we buy the baby monitor or stick to our guns?

OP posts:
LongRoadtoNowhere · 22/03/2023 19:43

Jesus Christ that’s so grabby! I don’t think my DB got me anything when I was expecting 🤣

Stick to your guns, 100%. I’d never ask anyone for a gift that expensive.

Dacadactyl · 22/03/2023 19:44

Stick to your guns!

That's outrageous behaviour. And unless they live in a mansion, I wouldn't bother with a baby monitor full stop.

LooksLikeASugarInAPlum · 22/03/2023 19:46

So grabby, buy a babygro or blanket.

Walterwhiteswifey · 22/03/2023 19:47

The cheek!! Stick to your guns!

LindorDoubleChoc · 22/03/2023 19:48

Ha! I've heard it all now.

This op has everything - a baby shower, grabby parents, grabby MIL. Enough to get everyone frothing! 😂

anotherscroller · 22/03/2023 19:48

Awful. If you can, try to explain your point of view. Show them this thread maybe?

where did these attitudes come from?

TomatoSandwiches · 22/03/2023 19:48

Baby showers are the epitome of naff and tacky and I wouldn't be seen dead at one. I'd wait until the baby is here and pop a voucher in a card when you visit them.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 22/03/2023 19:49

What?! The clue is in the name - gift. It's a no-strings present, not an obligation. Doubtless you'll be buying other stuff as your DN gets older. I usually buy first-time parents a room thermometer for where the baby sleeps. Not expensive and something they often haven't thought of and do appreciate.

BeaLola · 22/03/2023 19:49

Buy what you would like. I think they are just one more "event" to get extra gifts

moveoverye · 22/03/2023 19:49

URRGH I am so glad my family and friends are not this materialistic and grabby.
YANBU OP. And if and when you expect a baby, stay classy.

Twizbe · 22/03/2023 19:50

No way.

I was brought up that it was unlucky to celebrate a baby before it was born. I hate baby showers.

Stick to your guns and gift what you want to, when you want to.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 22/03/2023 19:50

Send a door stopper.. That way they can jam the door open and hear the baby!
Cfers!!

BluetheBear · 22/03/2023 19:53

No you should do exactly what you want to and it's not for anyone to dictate what you give. Sounds like they're getting a lot already!

GoodChat · 22/03/2023 19:55

Why do they need a £190 baby monitor?! I think ours was about £30...

Lovingitallnow · 22/03/2023 19:59

Just remember they didn't ask you to, MIL did.

Gagaandgag · 22/03/2023 20:01

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 22/03/2023 19:50

Send a door stopper.. That way they can jam the door open and hear the baby!
Cfers!!

Hahaha

drpet49 · 22/03/2023 20:02

TomatoSandwiches · 22/03/2023 19:48

Baby showers are the epitome of naff and tacky and I wouldn't be seen dead at one. I'd wait until the baby is here and pop a voucher in a card when you visit them.

@TomatoSandwiches oh get over yourself 🙄

SquigglePigs · 22/03/2023 20:06

YAdefNBU. When we had DD my SIL bought some cute outfits and a cuddly - exactly what an auntie should be buying IMO.

The only time I'd say otherwise is if the parents-to-be were really struggling for money and your family was particularly well off then it would be a kindness to buy them something on the more expensive side that they really needed. You can get a decent baby monitor for £40-70 though so even then there's no need for £190 monitor!

Original poster
Jeffsmama · 22/03/2023 20:10

What a relief! Glad we have the same thoughts and views. We don’t have children (we have a dog, irrelevant but explains the user name!) and this is the first baby in the family so we are really unsure of what the expectation is. MIL is very excited as this is the first grandchild and is planning the shower with DPs brothers partners mum (grandchild’s other grandma)!

OP posts:
Anotherturnipforthebooks · 22/03/2023 20:11

SquigglePigs · 22/03/2023 20:06

YAdefNBU. When we had DD my SIL bought some cute outfits and a cuddly - exactly what an auntie should be buying IMO.

The only time I'd say otherwise is if the parents-to-be were really struggling for money and your family was particularly well off then it would be a kindness to buy them something on the more expensive side that they really needed. You can get a decent baby monitor for £40-70 though so even then there's no need for £190 monitor!

I agree with this. The only time I would consider spending that kind of money is if the parents were struggling financially, but in that case I'd be looking to buy a decent essential item, not a £190 baby monitor.

Shinyandnew1 · 22/03/2023 20:13

Your MIL is taking the piss!

strawberry2017 · 22/03/2023 20:14

The only way I would spend that much money on someone is if I've chosen to myself! Not because it's expected!

sanityisamyth · 22/03/2023 20:14

TomatoSandwiches · 22/03/2023 19:48

Baby showers are the epitome of naff and tacky and I wouldn't be seen dead at one. I'd wait until the baby is here and pop a voucher in a card when you visit them.

This with bells on.

ElonsMusky · 22/03/2023 20:19

Are you and your brother on the same page? If he's with you on this then I don't see the issue.

Personally, if my brother was having a baby I'd happily and enthusiastically buy the monitor and then a bunch of other stuff. If my husband had a problem with that I'd be mad.

If it was YOUR sibling having a baby, would you still think the monitor too spendy?

kirsty2023 · 22/03/2023 20:20

Jeffsmama · 22/03/2023 19:41

DPs brother and partner are expecting a baby. We were not sent the Amazon baby gift wish list to choose a gift/ gifts. MIL (DPs mum who has very kindly bought DPs brother and partner a pushchair > £1k) asked us to purchase a baby monitor @ £190 and seemed quite put out when we declined and firmly said we would happily purchase a gift of our choosing in our price range.

We can afford to buy the baby monitor but don’t feel it’s our obligation to buy something on the more expensive side for the baby/ parents - they have chosen to have a baby and we don’t feel it’s our responsibility to meet their expectations of gifting. Should we buy the baby monitor or stick to our guns?

I don't do baby showers waste of time and money I always think if ur having a baby them buy what u need it's not for other people to buy it a simply gift after baby is born is fine I've had 5 kids and never had a baby shower for any and told family if they wanted to get something for baby then to make it small I would tell MIL to buy the baby monitor herself it's not ur job to buy them

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