AIBU baby shower gift request

[Jeffsmama]

DPs brother and partner are expecting a baby. We were not sent the Amazon baby gift wish list to choose a gift/ gifts. MIL (DPs mum who has very kindly bought DPs brother and partner a pushchair > £1k) asked us to purchase a baby monitor @ £190 and seemed quite put out when we declined and firmly said we would happily purchase a gift of our choosing in our price range.

We can afford to buy the baby monitor but don’t feel it’s our obligation to buy something on the more expensive side for the baby/ parents - they have chosen to have a baby and we don’t feel it’s our responsibility to meet their expectations of gifting. Should we buy the baby monitor or stick to our guns?

This.

My friend threw me a baby shower and I refused to have a gift list because I just don’t like telling people what to buy me. I’m very glad I left it up to the guests because they got things that I never would have thought of and that I needed and used.

My brother was most put out and begged me to tell him what to buy. I was a bit annoyed at him at the time so I told him I was going to get a particular item of furniture which was quite expensive (around $200) and if he wanted then he could buy that but I understood if it was beyond his price range.

I didn’t expect him to spend that much but he did, quite happily. It was late arriving though. Typical of my brother!

Sounds like Mil is just over excited about her first grandchild. No need to make it a thing. Baby showers are not traditionally part of British culture, but neither are they naff or tacky. Such a xenophobic point of view.

I think baby showers themselves are very grubby, without sending lists of gifts they want.

£190 for a baby monitor! Is it made by NASA?

I made a baby blanket out of some quilted material and batting, and then tied the top with yarn. I did pretty well for somebody who doesn’t sew and flew by the seat of my pants.

My niece used it her whole life, and now she and her kids fight over .who gets to use it while they watch tv.

Niece turned 45 this past February, so that little “quilt” is about 6.months older than her.
Most successful baby gift ever.
And Not very expensivecan give/instructions I I can give basic instructions/directions if you’d be interested or you’d like to try one.
i’d guess you could make one for $100.

Well it would depend on what I was going to spend anyway, but it's a bit rude to be told what to buy (I'd be happy to spend this, and if it was what they wanted then fine)

I always gift nappies. Not glamorous but all babies need them.

I'd agree with you if she was doing the actual childcare, feeds, naps, playing etc but if she's not then I think it's a great idea. Being a mum seems to be 80% housework, so if you can outsource that, why not?

well yes! If you can afford the luxury! I would love to be able to pay someone to do my housework 😂

How did we get onto this thread?

The whole concept of a baby shower and a 'gift list' is both tacky and grabby, particularly if their list is comprised of such ridiculously priced stuff
Buy something from B & M or Aldi; the baby won't give a shit becaue fortunately, it has not yet learnt to be grabby

Sheer greed.

Surely baby shower gifts are something like a soft toy or clothing?

Why? @TomatoSandwiches is entitled to her opinion, as are you. Most here are agreeing with this opinion

I'd buy the baby monitor if I could afford it. No one is saying it's your responsibility to buy stuff for their child, but it's the kind of money that no one outside of family is likely to spend, and in your shoes I'd like to get them something they really want. Having a first baby is expensive and I'd want to help out my sibling.

What I wouldn't be doing is starting a savings account - this is something a parent does and has the potential to go wrong with issues around who controls the money, who is expected to contribute etc.

Honestly, you are coming across as resentful. Maybe it's just the natural irritation at mil attempting to spend your money on your behalf (which I totally get). But you seem to be critical of her choice to buy the pram - do you maybe think she ought to be giving your dp an equivalent sum of money? Or that all her focus will be on the new family to your dp's detriment?

I think she's just excited and eventually things will settle down. It's a big deal becoming a grandparent and often mothers of sons feel left out - I think she's just making sure her family (inc you) are prominently involved and not left out. Maybe in her head that means showing the other son/dil love via spending money?

£190 for a baby monitor? Does it get up and resettle the baby for you? Ours was £25 and has lasted through two kids so far. They’re being very grabby and entitled.

I'm 70 years old and in the USA.
190 pounds seems a bit pricey, but not outrageous.

You are under no obligation.

Since their wish list is with Amazon, I would suggest an Amazon gift card for whatever amount you are comfortable with. In the memo line say "Congratulations! Maybe you can use this towards a baby monitor."

Possibly others will do the same. (You can discreetly suggest it.)

I know things can be more formal in the UK, but in the USA, cash and gift cards have not been considered tackey for years.

Can you ask for the Wish List and tell them you'll choose something else ?

Neither were baby showers a thing until recently. I'm glad they didn't exist when mine were born. Just another way to extort money /gifts from people rather than letting people choose what to buy.I was glad anyone bought me anything!