AIBU baby shower gift request

[Jeffsmama]

DPs brother and partner are expecting a baby. We were not sent the Amazon baby gift wish list to choose a gift/ gifts. MIL (DPs mum who has very kindly bought DPs brother and partner a pushchair > £1k) asked us to purchase a baby monitor @ £190 and seemed quite put out when we declined and firmly said we would happily purchase a gift of our choosing in our price range.

We can afford to buy the baby monitor but don’t feel it’s our obligation to buy something on the more expensive side for the baby/ parents - they have chosen to have a baby and we don’t feel it’s our responsibility to meet their expectations of gifting. Should we buy the baby monitor or stick to our guns?

Me too. I would never have had a baby shower. Mortifying.

Bonkers.

Just buy a cute outfit or something.

What a weird thing for her to do.

@ElonsMusky

Fair point but would you be ok with your mother telling you what to buy him?

That seems odd to me but then my family don't have high expectations for gifts.

Who the f### spends £1000 on a pushchair? I bought a car that cost less than that.

And £190 for a baby monitor is crazy too.

I would do the same as you - buy something off the gift list within the budget you find appropriate. If your budget is £200, get the monitor. If it isn't, get something else. I mean, I love my siblings but would never spend that much on them for any reason 😅

My SIL is like that though. Whenever we ask what their kids want for their birthdays we get sent the exact item to buy... It's never less than £60, usually more around £80, which is genuinely more than we'd spend on any one gift for our own kids.

Oh god baby showers have wishlists now? 💀

Missing the point completely but I didn't have £190 to spend on a monitor for my own baby let alone someone else's.

Personally I absolutely wouldn’t!! I’ve never spent anything like £190 on a baby present for anyone, although I’m in London professional circles so fairly well off (and as others have said, £190 for a baby monitor is completely ludicrous anyway).
Can’t wait to find out what the MIL has asked everyone else to buy though… 🍿

I don’t really like baby showers at all and think a £190 monitor is pretty overpriced. However, in terms of “expensive gifts” it sort of was the norm in our family for the first baby. My DP bought the pram system (and then wrapped gifts for me and baby) and my DS bought our first car seat. She fell pregnant 4 months later so we reciprocate and got her her car seat. My cousins also all got quite high value gifts for their first babies from their immediate families (parents and siblings) things like bedroom furniture, cots, car seats, prams etc.

Oddly we do not ever buy high cost gifts for other occasions ever and no lists but for first babies this was the norm. Not sure why really. So just another perspective if your parents family is similar way inclined. Obviously no you shouldn’t be told what to bug or be expected to give a high value item (and I’d never spend that on a monitor!!)

My go-to gift for a new baby is a selection of books that they can read to the child over the next 2-3 years. most of what they get will be grown out of very quickly

Agree 100%
baby showers are just cringey . Do not ‘buy into it ‘

To be fair, that is what travel systems cost these days. I imagine it wouldn't just be a pushchair, it would be a carry cot, car seat, isofix base and some litre extras. You'd be hard pushed to find all that for under £800. I know - cause I tried!

That's crap u can get a pram with car seat and carry cot for under that it's just people are fussy and want all things highend

That's a really good gift!

Partner and I are on the same page - we think there is a limit on gifting as it’s their choice to have a baby. We’re not ruling out being involved as auntie and uncle as much as we can be (we are going to set
up an investment account for baby for birthdays and Christmas so when 18 they have a nest egg to help them). That said I had a friend who fell pregnant in her teenage years and I did help financially as I knew she was struggling (I lived at home with a full time job so could afford to and she was a long term friend who I thought really needed the help)!

Lol @ £190 on a monitor 😂😂.
Yanbu. There is no need for that amount of money to be spent. Fwiw we recently had a new baby niece. We bought 2 babygrows (nice ones!) some chocolate and a £50 just eat voucher for the new parents.

Parents can buy baby monitors themselves or grandma to be can cough up!

@inky1991 you're probably right. I didn't buy anything brand new as that way madness lies IMO and I had a hand me down stroller - it did my two kids, my cousin's two kids before hand and it's currently on the 4th baby since I handed it on. We didn't have a big house so didn't use a baby monitor when they were small but did when they were a bit bigger so we'd leave them in the car asleep while we'd go into the house for a cuppa

@Jeffsmama

Are they likely to struggle with money once the baby arrives?

Even if they are, I wouldn't agree that you should buy a £190 monitor (it's totally unnecessary) but it might explain why the MIL is trying to dictate what you buy.

@whatthebejesus

We bought 2 babygrows (nice ones!) some chocolate and a £50 just eat voucher for the new parents.

The perfect new baby gift!

You say you can afford it, if you couldn't that's different but.... here goes

All my siblings/spouses, Grandparents, Parents put in big money when we welcomed our kid. There are other Grandkids in the family too - and it's all been the same.

No one in my family is struggling for money per se, I.e no one wouldn't have been able to buy their child everything they need. But when a child is born into the family it's part of the wider family and I wouldn't blink at buying a £200 monitor.

I'd be fully wanting to spend that sort of money so I'd be asking the parents - what can we get? How about £250 John Lewis vouchers or is there something you specifically need?

Baby showers are naff though as are gift lists.

So I guess I'm asking - are you annoyed about spending the money, or was it the expectation that you could simply be tossed an item to buy and told to get to it? Rather than being the people who approached and asked the parents-to-be - because I completely understand why you'd be miffed at that, it does come across entitled and I would be resentful too!

I'm tired not sure if my post makes sense, haha. But hopefully you see what I mean.

If they are short for money then don't have a baby it's as simply as that if u can't afford a baby don't have one

I'm going to go against the grain - a little - here.

First, as a PP pointed out, it was MIL that asked, so don't hold that against BIL.

On both sides of our family, the siblings have bought bigger gifts than they would for friends - we bought my sibling a Tripp Trapp chair when they were expecting their first. No obligation on anyone, just the way it's done. It may well be that MIL was genuinely surprised that you weren't giving a generous gift.

Provided it's dropped by MIL and BIL, I'd forget all about it and move on.

@kirsty2023

In general terms I agree with that but money being tight enough that you appreciate some help from family for a couple of years isn't the same as not being able to afford to support a baby at all.

But I do agree that no one should expect their family to pay for this stuff, I just wondered why the MIL might be suggesting it.

This would be a HELL NO! How cheeky.

It reminds me of when my neighbour's son was having their first grandchild and the DIL insisted that everything bought for the baby must be approved by them and must be purchased from one of two overpriced baby boutiques she liked. She wanted a crib for example. Let's call it the Mama and Papas XYZ. In the boutique it was £260 but in Argos the very same Mama and Papas XYZ was on sale for £140. She wouldn't accept the Argos one despite it being the exact same item. Not a knock off, not a similar model, not the same one but different colour, it was the exact same one. They had to buy it from the boutique and they did not do non-faulty returns either so it wasn't for the cash or credit.

What was really funny was that the DIL and DS were skint. They lived in a £300ish pcm Council house, barely made the rent and couldn't even afford groceries most weeks. When my neighbours offered to help on occasion, they turned their noses up at the co-op detergents and Aldi food items stating that they couldn't possibly use those and demanding they buy this and that name brand stuff. My neighbours were disabled and retired living on the breadline themselves. One week they bought a few bits and when they left, DIL called and said, "Did you forget something? There's no formula tins in these bags!"

CF stories when it comes to baby gifts always remind me of those two. Sad for the neighbours at the time but Christ, the stories were entertaining!

I'm sorry but if u plan on having a baby make sure you can pay for the baby it's not down to family to buy stuff family can support by helping with cooking and stuff but buying big main items for baby is down to them end of sorry

@kirsty2023

I don't know why you're saying sorry to me, it's not my baby!