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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleagues keep calling me 'lovely'

85 replies

lovelylovelyy · 22/03/2023 15:18

I want to preface this by saying that I'm autistic, so I tend to overthink these kinds of things and I'm always looking for hidden motives or that I'm being teased.

I am very quiet at work, and keep to myself a lot. As a result, I don't think I make much of an impact on my colleagues and don't feel like I'm a very likeable person. I think I come across as boring.

A lot of different colleagues have described me as lovely seemingly out of the blue (all female colleagues around my age which is mid 20s). For example, one of them calls me 'Lovely [my name' whenever they address me. Then I'm moving projects and one of my colleagues said they're sad I'm moving as I'm so lovely.

Is it possible that I have given a good impression and I am liked at work or is it just a non-descript word to use for someone who has no personality and no other redeeming qualities?

OP posts:
Ktime · 22/03/2023 15:21

They clearly like you. I wouldn't describe boring people as lovely.

PeekAtYou · 22/03/2023 15:22

I think that they like you. I can't be specific because I don't know you but I would assume that you don't do the things that annoying colleagues do which makes you lovely and someone who will be missed.

Quiet is not always a bad thing OP. 😀

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

Stickmansmum · 22/03/2023 15:23

It’s good. Lovely people are very valuable.

JarByTheDoor · 22/03/2023 15:23

I know just what you mean about overthinking when people say nice things. I'm autistic too, and a popular way to tease fairly guileless or gullible kids like me was to say nice things, pretend to like me, invite me to things etc., then laugh and mock if I seemed to believe they were genuinely being nice or actually liked me or really wanted me to come to their thing. It does something really damaging to your deep instinctive response to people being nice — a kind of lifelong mental injury. I don't know how to fix it, sorry.

Woahtherehoney · 22/03/2023 15:24

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

She’s literally said she overthinks these kind of things and as she’s autistic she struggles with knowing what people really think (a very common autistic trait) - she’s just asking a question, be nice.

TeaStory · 22/03/2023 15:24

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

Maybe you should re-read the first sentence of OP’s post.

FannyFifer · 22/03/2023 15:25

They like you because you must be lovely. Flowers

JarByTheDoor · 22/03/2023 15:25

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

OP is probably struggling with the legacy of cruel childhood bullying. Bullying can have lifelong consequences on its victims and how they move through the world.

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 15:26

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

She’s not complaining she’s just doubting herself. Are you always so fucking horrible?

PinkBuffalo · 22/03/2023 15:26

JarByTheDoor · 22/03/2023 15:23

I know just what you mean about overthinking when people say nice things. I'm autistic too, and a popular way to tease fairly guileless or gullible kids like me was to say nice things, pretend to like me, invite me to things etc., then laugh and mock if I seemed to believe they were genuinely being nice or actually liked me or really wanted me to come to their thing. It does something really damaging to your deep instinctive response to people being nice — a kind of lifelong mental injury. I don't know how to fix it, sorry.

This!
also autistic and had so called friends at school who looking back were 100% just pretending and I feel so sorry for past me when I see that
as an adult I have found people are now genuinely my friend. Did take until my 30s to find that mind, but I have actual friends now and I am so grateful for them

in answer to the op, I would say they are being nice 🙂

Magicmagician · 22/03/2023 15:27

Sounds like they like you to me too - sounds like you are the opposite of nondescript and boring!

YearsOfStagnation · 22/03/2023 15:27

I promise they think you are lovely!

I notice people do it more if your first name starts with an L. Does yours? But even then, people only do it to those they like!

Genevieva · 22/03/2023 15:27

It is a light comment. You come across as likeable.

Where I was brought up pretty much everyone addressed you as "my lovely" or even "my lover" (which is dying out) without a second thought. You could be male or female, young or old and you would receive the same greeting.

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 15:28

In my experience OP people don’t actively describe someone as lovely unless they genuinely think it. If they thought you were bland and uninteresting they might describe you as “nice” but I think when someone uses the termly lovely it has a genuine warmth to it.

Sortyourlifeout · 22/03/2023 15:28

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

There's always one

Harping0n · 22/03/2023 15:29

I will say Hello my lovely to my children. Of don’t worry my lovely to a friend who is worried about something.
Its a term of endearment.
You could write then a card when you leave saying that you have enjoyed your time with them and wish them luck and happiness for their future.

highintheskypurple · 22/03/2023 15:31

I'm not autistic but this happened to me. Invited into a friendship group to be mocked and asked 'do you really think we want to be friends with you?'
It impacts your view in peoples motives. Sometimes I still think my dh of 10 years with 4 children and a 25 year mortgage might be in on a long joke with my old bullies.
He's handsome and clever, I don't know he would want 'disgusting me' as a life partner. If I wasn't bullied at school I wouldn't think twice.
It hits your self esteem.

It could be, OP, that you really are lovely. But if I were you I also be suspicious, especially about the 'lovely your name' nickname.
We tend to see ourselves in a less flattering light than others, but it is hard to undo your feelings of yourself.

astarsheis · 22/03/2023 15:37

I can assure you that I only call 'lovely' people lovely. And I also use it with people I really like...I would for example say 'hello lovely' or 'thank you lovely'
They obviously do really like you.

NHStyptypey · 22/03/2023 15:38

I'm autistic and I love being called lovely. 😊

TellySavalashairbrush · 22/03/2023 15:40

I use this word to describe people who I genuinely think are 'lovely'. It is not meant with sarcasm. I am sure that your colleagues feel the same way I do, otherwise we would not call you anything near to this.

Lovingmynewbicycle · 22/03/2023 15:41

Colleagues who are quiet and don't annoy anyone are treasured - and may therefore be referred to as being lovely.

It's a compliment, @lovelylovelyy 💐

Beamur · 22/03/2023 15:42

I often say this about my favourite colleagues. Unless your colleagues have been horrible to you in other ways in would assume they mean it. It probably translates as you being seen to be good at your job and easy to get along with.

MissMissive · 22/03/2023 15:43

It’s a nice thing Flowers

Comefromaway · 22/03/2023 15:46

It is a term of endearment, think of it as an alternative to dear. Round here we call everyone duck or shug (sugar) but where dd has moved to she gets called my lovely.