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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleagues keep calling me 'lovely'

85 replies

lovelylovelyy · 22/03/2023 15:18

I want to preface this by saying that I'm autistic, so I tend to overthink these kinds of things and I'm always looking for hidden motives or that I'm being teased.

I am very quiet at work, and keep to myself a lot. As a result, I don't think I make much of an impact on my colleagues and don't feel like I'm a very likeable person. I think I come across as boring.

A lot of different colleagues have described me as lovely seemingly out of the blue (all female colleagues around my age which is mid 20s). For example, one of them calls me 'Lovely [my name' whenever they address me. Then I'm moving projects and one of my colleagues said they're sad I'm moving as I'm so lovely.

Is it possible that I have given a good impression and I am liked at work or is it just a non-descript word to use for someone who has no personality and no other redeeming qualities?

OP posts:
Verbena17 · 22/03/2023 16:27

Where I’m from, people use ‘lovely’ as an endearing term, like ‘sweetie’.
We would say something like ‘right then Lovely, are you coming into town for lunch?’. Or ‘morning Lovely!’. Or ‘how are you doing my lovely?’

Marsyas · 22/03/2023 16:29

I think it is nice. I know a "Lovely Laura" and a "Lovely Lou", people tend to call them that when speaking about them but probably not when speaking to them. (yes to the more likely with an L-name!). They are both lovely, it isn't sarcastic!

I know where you are coming from, as I attended a course once and at the end the course leader thanked me for my input throughout when I went to say goodbye - I felt I hadn't spoken up much during the three days and still wonder if he was being sarcastic - he probably didn't even remember who I was though.

LuckyPeonies · 22/03/2023 16:39

lovelylovelyy · 22/03/2023 15:18

I want to preface this by saying that I'm autistic, so I tend to overthink these kinds of things and I'm always looking for hidden motives or that I'm being teased.

I am very quiet at work, and keep to myself a lot. As a result, I don't think I make much of an impact on my colleagues and don't feel like I'm a very likeable person. I think I come across as boring.

A lot of different colleagues have described me as lovely seemingly out of the blue (all female colleagues around my age which is mid 20s). For example, one of them calls me 'Lovely [my name' whenever they address me. Then I'm moving projects and one of my colleagues said they're sad I'm moving as I'm so lovely.

Is it possible that I have given a good impression and I am liked at work or is it just a non-descript word to use for someone who has no personality and no other redeeming qualities?

Your colleagues consider you a lovely person, and like and appreciate you. They sound like very nice colleagues, you are lucky. 🍀

Moononarooftop · 22/03/2023 16:40

Regarding the autism / literal interpretation:
“hi lovely “ a common way people may address those they are more familiar with - not much value given to how they view you… however
“ lovey ( your name) “ the value is placed heavily on the word lovely as an adjective / a descriptive word to describe you.

they like you and value your company

I hope you’re doing ok and not feeling the need to mask / have opportunities to have some breaks.

x

Americano75 · 22/03/2023 16:42

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

Well, no one could accuse you of being lovely.

KatMcBundleFace · 22/03/2023 16:46

They like you op, they really do.

I bet you are lovely too x

KatMcBundleFace · 22/03/2023 16:48

Marsyas · 22/03/2023 16:29

I think it is nice. I know a "Lovely Laura" and a "Lovely Lou", people tend to call them that when speaking about them but probably not when speaking to them. (yes to the more likely with an L-name!). They are both lovely, it isn't sarcastic!

I know where you are coming from, as I attended a course once and at the end the course leader thanked me for my input throughout when I went to say goodbye - I felt I hadn't spoken up much during the three days and still wonder if he was being sarcastic - he probably didn't even remember who I was though.

We have a lovely Laura at work too, and she is absolutely lovely.

YearsOfStagnation · 22/03/2023 16:50

Do you like the name Lovely OP? If they mean it, is that ok with you?

After reading this, I am a bit sad nobody calls me Lovely YearsOfStagnation

Lostmarblesfinder · 22/03/2023 16:51

I think the poster who quibbed back that I’ve dropped the wonderful title has a great idea if you are finding it too much.

I suspect they mean it though.

MotherOfHouseplants · 22/03/2023 16:53

It doesn't sound like there's any hidden unkindness here, OP. I think you can assume that they are being genuine.

Cb1987 · 22/03/2023 16:55

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

The OP has stated that they are autistic. A common trait of autism is not being able to process the tone of languages. For example understand if someone is being sarcastic, angry, happy etc. She is asking a valid question and not complaining, she is asking for a reasonable judgment.

MushMonster · 22/03/2023 16:57

They 100% like you and do mot want you to leave/ wil miss you.
I would make an effort to keep in contact with them if I were you.

ChilliHeelerFanClub · 22/03/2023 16:58

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

Well no one’s going to be calling you lovely any time soon, are they? 😐

Twiglets1 · 22/03/2023 16:58

They like you. I wouldn’t describe someone at work as lovely unless I thought they were lovely.

Bergan · 22/03/2023 16:58

I think they like you too, I have a tendency to say “ hello lovely” or “hello my love”, I only say it to people I like x

Bearpawk · 22/03/2023 17:00

It's probably a bit of both - habit/ patronising of them and that they actually like you. But you can guarantee they wouldn't call you lovely if they didn't like you!

Conkersinautumn · 22/03/2023 17:00

Sounds like the sort of sarcasm I get levelled at me with my autism. Sorry op. I think theyre being "funny"

WashAsDelicates · 22/03/2023 17:02

Perhaps you're lovely because your quietness brings a peaceful influence into your place of work.

Happy, energetic and engaged does not necessarily mean noisy or extrovert. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/03/2023 17:06

I get called this a lot, 'Lovely Widdlin...' 'ask the Lovely Widdlin...' etc

It's part familiarity and habit, but it is also because they genuinely like you - if they didn't they would drop the habit and familiarity bloody quick!

CambsAlways · 22/03/2023 17:11

It’s a lovely thing to be called lovely op and you are obviously a really nice person.

TheOrigRights · 22/03/2023 17:15

Is it possible that I have given a good impression and I am liked at work

Yes.

qwertykeyboards · 22/03/2023 17:17

girlfriend44 · 22/03/2023 15:22

omg stop complaining its nice, do you want them to call you something horrible then?

Did you totally miss the part where she says she’s autistic?

Sluttypants · 22/03/2023 17:19

It is absolutely ok to like yourself, rate yourself highly and be positive about who you are as a person.

Sluttypants · 22/03/2023 17:21

The above is to @Crazyshihtzulady
The quoting failed

MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 17:22

Op, people only call a person lovely when they really like them a lot. It is a term with a lot of affection and fondness attached. Enjoy the good will your colleagues are showing you ❤️