Colleagues keep calling me 'lovely'

[lovelylovelyy]

I want to preface this by saying that I'm autistic, so I tend to overthink these kinds of things and I'm always looking for hidden motives or that I'm being teased.

I am very quiet at work, and keep to myself a lot. As a result, I don't think I make much of an impact on my colleagues and don't feel like I'm a very likeable person. I think I come across as boring.

A lot of different colleagues have described me as lovely seemingly out of the blue (all female colleagues around my age which is mid 20s). For example, one of them calls me 'Lovely [my name' whenever they address me. Then I'm moving projects and one of my colleagues said they're sad I'm moving as I'm so lovely.

Is it possible that I have given a good impression and I am liked at work or is it just a non-descript word to use for someone who has no personality and no other redeeming qualities?

Hi OP, I'm autistic too. I get called 'lovely' or 'sunshine'... 'sweetpea' by a select few at work. I think it's nice that they actually like me enough 😂. It's so difficult navigating every one at work when I really struggle to understand social interactions and their meanings so I do understand!

I think they say it because you are. No need to overthink it.

As you’re autistic (assuming they know this) I doubt they would intentionally wind you up.

I once had a job where a new boss called me “Wonderful Mirabai”, so my colleagues took to calling me Wonderful Mirabai too as a pisstake, it was funny. I shut it down eventually by telling the boss “I’ve dropped the Wonderful” now.

Could you do something similar?

I get called this OP!
I am a fucking legendary lovely person and my colleagues think I great. They like you, you are fabulous. Stop doubting yourself 😃

@lovelylovelyy they're saying it because you do something that you don't recognise you do that makes you lovely.
You may speak kindly, you may give thoughtful answers and problem solve without any judgement.
You may bring no drama to the table or just have a zen way about you.
I have autistic children and their ways are quite unique, but they don't see that.
Your colleagues see you in a way you don't, maybe years of trauma of being different to others and misunderstood have made you worried, but you are obviously liked and lovely is a very nice compliment.
Lovely people are what makes others have nicer days, you by being yourself, seeing it or not, make people feel happy to be around you.

Keep being lovely 💐

You must be lovely. Lovely people make life more bearable for everyone else. Your colleagues are calling you lovely because you brighten their day.

Reading this absolutely broke my heart, I am so sorry people did this to you! Awful.
OP, I have a couple of colleagues I call “Lovely XX”, I call them that because they’re lovely and they brighten my day. It’s always nice to know people will miss you when you move jobs 😊

Yep, exactly this kind of thing.

People who haven't been subject to it will probably find it hard to understand how much this type of bullying can undermine your ability to ever take others' positive overtures towards you at face value. When you've been repeatedly socially humiliated in this way as a child or adolescent for other people's amusement, been treated as arrogant and presumptuous and hilarious for thinking that when someone asked you to sit next to them, they ACTUALLY wanted you to sit next to them (when surely you must know that you're too unpopular/ugly/stupid for anyone to want you anywhere near them), it trains you to treat anything positive or friendly with suspicion — which, of course, only pushes genuinely friendly people away from you.

It's possible OP wasn't bullied like that, but this kind of treatment is one reason among many that someone might not immediately assume being called "lovely" is automatically positive.

Some people refer to others as lovely just out of habit. Like darling or love. But in the instance where the person said they are sad you are leaving because you are lovely there is really no other way to interpret it than they think you are lovely. I think they all probably think that, and it's because you are lovely. Enjoy the love they are giving you!

I am very, very sure that no one would call someone they didn’t like - or were even indifferent to - as “lovely”.

You are overthinking it bc of your autism op honestly. Please don’t overthink this - you must be lovely, and that’s a great thing to be!

I suspect you are genuinely lovely, @lovelylovelyy - I'm autistic too and we're all lovely! (Even if people think we're rude, just for being honest and not fannying around with pointless confusing nicey-nicey language.)

I get why you're worried though, it's hard to take this sort of thing at face value when you grow up never knowing whether people are being serious or winding you up.

One thing that would make me wobble a bit: if they're always directly addressing you as lovely e.g. 'Good morning, Lovely Blib!' then it's a bit weird unless they also address everyone else as 'Lovely [Insert Name Here]'. That feels patronising and maybe disingenuous. However being referred to in the third person as 'lovely' is usually a good thing. Unless they're being sarcastic of course... which I find easy enough to detect in verbal speech but impossible to detect in written speech... aaaaargh!

They genuinely think you are lovely IMO

I used to overthink things like this, possibly due to similar sorts of issues. Now I'm a bit older I am a lot less bothered. If they genuinely mean it- great. If they don't- they are not worth wasting my mental energy on and I'm going to continue to treat them politely and professionally anyway so it doesn't really matter.

Childhood bullying really does leave a mark but, on the whole, people are a lot kinder once they have grown up a bit and left the pressured environment of secondary school.

It is entirely possible that lovely equals being quiet, non-annoying and maybe even perceived as a good listener if you tend to nod and smile rather than talk. Or they may have decided you are shy and want to boost your confidence.

Thanks SnoringPains — it's lovely(!) of you to recognise how harmful this sort of stuff can be. I feel like a lot of adults must be carrying around the long-term consequences of psychological bullying of various types, maybe without even realising it.

OP: I would use "lovely" for someone who's genuine, honest, nice, and just a decent person. I would guess that's probably you.

It sounds like you have a nice way about you

People call me lovely a lot too. Little do they know that I'm secretly a raging arsehole.

Quiet people that are just nice to others and don’t cause drama are lovely - sounds like that’s what your colleagues think of you which is a great compliment

OK......

This 100%!

Yeah, they really like you.

You probably haven’t ‘shared’ much about your real life outside work with them ,which is fine, so they are making an observation about you based on what they have seen at work, which is that you are lovely.

I don’t know why your colleague always tags you as lovely, maybe she is very forgetful and needs to remind herself who you are! She probably mentally tags other people in different way, gardener Hermione, cake making Suzy, dog hating Araminta……….

Sounds as though they like and respect you.
Own it! Be proud of being lovely.

There’s a lot to be said for colleagues who are quiet, get on with the job and don’t cause drama. They mean it!!!

I would call someone lovely if I thought they were a good, kind person.

I understand the over-thinking (I have an autistic DD) but it seems to me that they genuinely like you and think you're lovely. Being quiet isn't necessarily a bad thing.