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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Small theft by carer

81 replies

BlackFlyChardonnay · 22/03/2023 13:01

Wondering what you would do in this situation.

My nan lives alone but has a carer pop in to help with meal times and washing and dressing three times a day. We (myself and 2 other relatives) have put cameras in her home to keep an eye on her. She has fallen a few times so also has an alarm necklace. The cameras are a back up because she is so unbelievably stubborn that she rarely wears the alarm necklace. Last time she fell and wasn't wearing it and ended up laying on her kitchen floor for 4 hours. The cameras are an easy way to check she's got in and out of bed ok etc.

So, to be clear, she knows about the cameras and so do the carers.

The main carer is a registered nurse who is now self employed as a carer. I personally haven't warmed to her for a few reasons (she never stays the full hour that she's paid for, she has slagged off her other patients to me and to my nan which I think is unprofessional, and slagged off the other carers to us over minor things).

Anyway. My nan absolutely loves this carer and thinks she's amazing so that is the main thing.

Nan says to me today "you'll never guess what nurse did! That horrible old man she looks after was being such a nuisance yesterday that when she bought his shopping, she got a bottle of wine for herself" nan was saying this like it is brilliant by the way. I said "but that's stealing" and she said "she deserves it. He shouldn't be so demanding".

Nan sometimes mixes stuff up so I then looked back at the cameras and saw the actual conversation.

Nan was correct. This "demanding" patient of hers, who has dementia by the way so is allowed to be demanding imo, had asked her to go shopping so she put a £6 bottle of wine in the trolley for herself and used his bank card to pay. Apparently the niece checks all receipts but as her uncle regularly drinks wine and he can't reliably say how many bottles he's received, the niece will never know! Carer laughing away to nan about how it serves him right etc.

I know it's only £6 but it makes me feel ill. No matter how "demanding" he is, she has stolen. You know what - my nan can be demanding, should she be stolen from too? I asked nan this and she just repeats "well he's demanding she deserves a treat" etc.

What, if anything, would you do about this? Nan really likes this carer, and has hated at least 2 previous ones. I haven't told my relatives yet. I don't know if I'm overreacting but it makes me think we shouldn't trust her at all.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
thehappyhaggis · 22/03/2023 13:06

This is not only theft but speaks to her morals and values as a person and a worker. She is taking advantage of a vulnerable person which is horrific when you are in a position of trust.

She should be registered with a governing body (in Scotland it's the SSSC). This can be reported to them. Alternatively, you could hand this information to the police with the video footage and they can deal with it with the other family. I 100% would not trust her with my loved one. What happens if your relative becomes 'demanding'.

This is such a breach of trust and she should be struck off.

Boopeedoop · 22/03/2023 13:08

Go to your local council safeguarding team and report it!
Make sure you save the footage.

ValenciaOrange · 22/03/2023 13:08

I also would report this to the police. She could be doing this to other clients too and a bottle of wine might be just the tip of an iceberg.
It's a total breach of trust.

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:09

she never stays the full hour that she's paid for, she has slagged off her other patients to me and to my nan which I think is unprofessional, and slagged off the other carers to us over minor things)

on the basis of this alone OP, I would have asked her to leave by now.

how long has she cared for your nan?

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:10

May I ask how you know btw?

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:12

I then looked back at the cameras and saw the actual conversation.

the audio must be amazing

AskAwayAgain · 22/03/2023 13:13

You may not be able to do anything. We had major issues with the carer who was employed by my father. Because my father had capacity there was nothing we could do. There are no carer registers or ways of being struck off.
You can report it to the police but they may do nothing for such a small theft.

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 22/03/2023 13:14

She should not be doing that job. She intentionally harms the people she is supposed to care for in a pre-meditated and calculated way in order to avoid being caught. What makes you think she wouldn’t do that to your nan if she became “demanding”? Aside from that, she does her job badly and is unprofessional.

If I were you, I’d report her to everyone I could and publish everywhere I could. These people always start off small - if left unchallenged then it escalates.

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:14

nan was saying this like it is brilliant by the way

so your nan thinks stealing ok?!

AskAwayAgain · 22/03/2023 13:14

By the way speaking to others, thefts by carers are not uncommon.

chunkydunk382 · 22/03/2023 13:15

Haha @Lovelyveg80

Ishefuckingkiddingme · 22/03/2023 13:15

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:12

I then looked back at the cameras and saw the actual conversation.

the audio must be amazing

Or it might be completely standard… any cameras recording inaudible audio wouldn’t be fit for purpose🙄

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:17

Very peculiar for the carer, who will be very much aware of the cameras, being so candid about her theft then

doubtfulguest · 22/03/2023 13:18

You are not overreacting. If she did this then she is a thief and is financially abusing a very vulnerable elderly person. If she is making up 'funny' stories then she is being wildly inappropriate. This is a safeguarding issue and you should report it as such to local safeguarding team or the police. I wouldn't have her near my relative.

SNWannabe · 22/03/2023 13:20

If she is a nurse you can also report her to the NMC and find her PIN number online with just her name.

weightymatters73 · 22/03/2023 13:22

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:17

Very peculiar for the carer, who will be very much aware of the cameras, being so candid about her theft then

I imagine she doesn't realise there is audio....

iaapap · 22/03/2023 13:27

Difficult. If your Nan likes her carer, I wouldn’t disrupt the situation. But the carer is scum for stealing from someone with dementia. Also note that she did not steal pasta to feed her kids or similar, she stole wine that she didn’t need.

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:28

weightymatters73 · 22/03/2023 13:22

I imagine she doesn't realise there is audio....

Show quote history

Even at home, you cannot record someone else's conversation without their knowledge or permission. So if you have visitors, you'd better inform them that there is a CCTV camera recording audio.

well then the OP will have breached the DPA

TinyTear · 22/03/2023 13:29

Anyone else wondering if @Lovelyveg80 is the carer?

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:30

Bizarre.

what post would indicate this?

Lovelyveg80 · 22/03/2023 13:31

Perhaps the one where I said I would have sacked the carer on the basis of her bitching about other clients and carers? 😐

Quitelikeit · 22/03/2023 13:34

Report

Viviennemary · 22/03/2023 13:37

That is shocking. And then to boast about it. I wouldn't have her in the house again and report her to social services. Petty theft is how it all starts. An agency is better I think.

Bearpawk · 22/03/2023 13:39

well then the OP will have breached the DPA

@Lovelyveg80 home cameras are not covered by the DPA

Roundandnour · 22/03/2023 13:42

I would report to safe guarding.
There’s no telling how many vulnerable people she is robbing.

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