Would it BU to ask if it’s ok to do this at my daughters school?

[FamilyBusiness]

Hi all, it’s my little ones birthday in April, she will be six. Her birthday falls on a day she’s in school. My oldest son (10) is in same school, he is booked in for a feeding tube to be fitted (Cystic Fibrosis related) on the 18th of April. So we will be celebrating my daughters birthday a week early. But, WIBU to ask their school if I could pay for an educational animal visit for my daughter & her whole class for her birthday it’s a one hour visit.

As she has Autism & is going to be distraught that her brother is going in hospital (I’m dreading it) & I think it would really cheer her up & take her mind off it especially going in to school on her Bday knowing her brother isn’t there that day. Even though we will be celebrating together the week before, he will be in hospital at the time & so she won’t see him in school that day.

I don’t want to email the headteacher if it’s a bad idea, it will be an educational visit with bunny’s, birds, insects, etc etc. Thanks

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. IF the school were to take Op up on her kind offer they would deal with all of that, as they do on a regular basis.
Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that many who actually work in schools say it would be fine to ask, Op has been put off doing that by the vipers.

Don't be so bloody ridiculous. IF the school were to take Op up on her kind offer they would deal with all of that, as they do on a regular basis.

Whether or not they do it on a regular basis, it's still extra work every time. I'm speaking as someone who takes animals into schools.

@FamilyBusiness Yanbu to ask the school. They can either say yes or no. It’s a lovely idea and very generous. They might actually appreciate your offer.

I originally thought YABU but I've changed my mind now, having read your subsequent posts and the replies I still don't think it's a great idea to ask them to do it for her birthday even if you're paying, but YANBU to consider it. And YANBU to send treats in instead. That's totally normal in my DC school on a birthday! Parents and kids don't expect it but it's always appreciated. In our school teachers can't give them out in class but parents can pass them round the playground.

I understand you just want to do something special for your little girl who's having a tough time. Which of us wouldn't? You're just throwing some ideas out there.

You sound like a lovely mum, trying to juggle both DC needs at this really difficult time for your family.

Hope the day goes well for you all

Sorry for typos and terrible punctuation

Thank you so much for your lovely words. It really was just an idea & id have been more than happy to do it anonymously to the rest of the school/parents. But definitely cake & a party bag instead for each of her class mates. Thanks again xx

You know what? I've been thinking about this and I don't think there's any harm in speaking to the head teacher, explaining the situation and your thoughts. Even if the head then says no, we couldn't possibly do that, they may have an idea of how to look out for your dd on a potentially difficult day.

@LondonPretty what a stinking attitude. Shes not trying to take over the school, what is wrong with people like you

I’m probably not going to ask the school now just because, judging by some of the comments I wouldn’t wanna put the teacher on the spot. Wasn’t my intention, just basically a treat for my little girl to enjoy with her whole class/whole school if they’d like that too for her birthday. Albeit I would have been fine to do it without saying to everyone it’s my daughters birthday. I’ll give it some thought for the next few days. Either way, I’ll ask if she can bring her cupcakes in each & a party bag that her class would’ve all been given anyway if we would’ve had a party. They’re a brilliant school so nothing would be to much of an ask.

No she isn’t asking anyone to be a party planner, she’s asking if she can fund a visitor to school.

I was an early years teacher in an infant school and I’d have been more than happy to accommodate this request as it would have enriched the lives of all the children. Having a visit is almost zero work for the teacher - they may do some planning around it, but not different to what they usually do. There will already be school risk assessments in place for this type of visit that they’ll just update the date and contact details on.

op - please don’t be put off asking the school about it

You know that part of the work that school staff do is to enrich the learning experience for the children? In other words, if an activity is deemed to be useful then it's part of their job to do risk assessments etc.

I was going to say this, but it’s much more eloquently said here.

No. Someone could suggest an enriching opportunity to me for every day of the week - none of that makes it my responsibility to say yes to them.
I will have planned appropriate trips and "enrichment opportunities" at the start of the year, and used my time accordingly.

Speaking as a teacher - lovely idea, coming from a good place, but it will be a polite but hard no.

Imagine if every parent wanted to do something like that? And it's not just an hours activity. It's risk assessments, some liaising between the school and the activity provider, moving the classroom around to accommodate, changing the timetable, dealing with hyped-up kids the rest of the day.

Not once did I say I wanted to take over the school. One hour isn’t taking over a 6 hour day.

Actually it is, because whatever else the teacher had planned for that day would have to be rearranged around it, to accommodate an animal visit. With the best will in the world, external visits always take more time than booked; they need access to bring stuff into the classroom and set it up, maybe furniture has to be rearranged, and at the end they have to pack everything and take it all away. Which is distracting to the class of 6 yr olds.

Fucking hell the cereal-pissers are out in force today!

My Dad has reminded me of the time he called my primary school to tell the office that the local railway had just reopened its long shut line and a fantastic steam train would be making a trip through our village (his office was other end of the line), and if the school acted fast, we could all go and see it chuff past...

The whole school (admittedly, not that many kids possibly only 45) was taken out of lessons and we marched down the road in a long crocodile and up the steps and onto the platform and watched the first steam engine to travel that line since something like 1970's

I think we had about an hours warning. School were pleased to have something fun, educational and related to the community and local area to show us.

I realise things have changed a smidgen since the late 1980s but the OP's suggestion seems perfectly reasonable, practical and achievable, despite some peoples determination to read things that simply have not been suggested!

What is that quote - "The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there"

If you're already celebrating your DD's birthday a week early, you should just arrange to do this at home, on another day. It's not an appropriate request to make of the school.

Strangely plenty of other teachers on here have said it’s worth asking, and I described how my DS’s school had happily facilitated something very similar for us a few years ago. Maybe your school would say a hard no, but clearly it’s not true of all schools, so it is therefore worth asking. I do despair of people sometimes - the negativity on this thread is 🤯 particularly in view of the OP’s difficult situation.
If you’re still reading OP, I do hope you do ask - the worst they can say is no, then at least you tried.

I cant believe how nasty some posters are. Ugh!

OP, all the best with your son’s op. I’m sure your daughter will have a lovely birthday, sharing cupcakes for her classmates.

Our primary school does similar for birthdays, mostly sweets but cakes too. The children always come out with an extra dose of excitement on classmates’ birthdays.

I think it would’ve have been a nice experience for the children, provided the teachers get enough notice to consider how to fit it in. I do understand you’ve been out off by your experience here so you might no longer want to ask.

It’s a lovely thought.

Now you’re being imaginative. I didn’t say the teachers had a responsibility to say yes to Op did I? What I do know is that there are headteachers and staff who would consider something like this. Not with the label of it being a birthday celebration I suspect, but as an activity, definitely.
This is a nasty, negative thread. The obvious answer was simply that there’s no harm in asking. Instead so many have lived up to the MN nest of vipers reputation. Any opportunity to squash someone down and they’re all over it.

How is this relevant?

45 in the whole school? That's just over one class. There are 700 in my daughters primary. Should her school be expected to do the same?

I think it's a lovely story and shows how sometimes getting to do something unexpected in school creates life long memories

Op I think there's no harm in asking, if the school say no then fair enough. As others have said, I would maybe play down the birthday aspect and maybe think carefully about what you want to say to your DD about it - as she may repeat it in school (assuming she's verbal).

All the best of luck with everything 💐

I think it’s a shame you’ve been put off even asking. You said the school have had this company in before so they obviously aren’t against the concept. I think what’s putting people off is that they are picturing a “it’s little Rose’s special birthday today isn’t she so special look we are having a special treat just because it’s her birthday. Everyone make a fuss over little Rose and her amazing mummy who paid for this”. When actually that doesn’t sound remotely what you’re looking for - it sounds like you just want something different and nice on her birthday at school so she’s got something to focus on other than missing her brother.

If you are happy for it to be anonymous, not linked in any way to her birthday and (for me this is also critical) for your daughter NOT to know you organised and paid (this would lead to the class finding out and linking to a special treat for her birthday and also not sure good for your DD to link birthday treats to school events) then I’d go to the school and explain exactly that. Given they’ve had the company in before they might really appreciate you paying for this. Children love this type of thing and remember it well yet schools don’t have the budgets now. I really don’t see the harm in offering to fund provides it’s not a direct link to
the birthday and is just you paying for a whole class/year treat anonymously.

Also it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and the timing of operation and birthday is sadly clashing. Please don’t feel guilty over this. You are planning to have family celebrations early and at 6 your DD will probably be quite okay going to school as normal with a big badge on and giving out her cakes (or whatever is norm for her class) and having the class sign happy birthday. Sometimes kids are okay with what we’d consider “low effort”. I know she’ll be missing her brother but it’ll be for a few weeks not jusg one day so her 1-2-1 and teacher should be helping her adjust to this. PleaSe be kind to yourself and forget at concept of “guilt”.