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Original poster

Is/ was my boss interested in me?

108 replies

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:01

I'm really bad at reading signs so I apologise. A few months ago I got a new mgr he was really attractive and ticked all the boxes, I have a long list and he ticked extra boxes I didn't know mattered, I literally felt like I fell right into the 50shades film. I made it clear that I liked him and he seemed to like it and hang around me a lot. And seemed to strut around me peacocking, he made up a nickname for me which I think was flirty, and he called it me all the time with a smile on his face. We laughed together and I really liked his personality. A few months of flirting ( and people around said he was flirting with me too) I find out he's in a relationship. I bring it up in casual conversation when I next see him as I feel really hurt and he acts strange, he laughs it off but then goes out for a long walk. He comes back and things are totally different. He is really quiet, he looks at me like he wants to say something but then stops himself. I ask him questions about his partner and he just dismisses them and is not speaking very highly of his partner. but Next couple of months he distances himself from me, he stops calling me the nick names and acts totally different with me. I don't understand. Unfortunately I didn't know he had a partner when I started to like him and now I do it's too late and it really really hurts. Please help me understand.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 21/03/2023 22:03

Back off and forget about him.

It doesn't matter whether he liked you or not, he's taken.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:05

Dacadactyl · 21/03/2023 22:03

Back off and forget about him.

It doesn't matter whether he liked you or not, he's taken.

A bit harsh, if I'd have know this in the first place I would have done but when you like someone for months not that easy

OP posts:
Brightshinylight · 21/03/2023 22:06

He was on a power trip, got caught out, and is now on damage limitation trying to salvage some of his ego.

Forget the whole thing and move on.

Dacadactyl · 21/03/2023 22:08

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:05

A bit harsh, if I'd have know this in the first place I would have done but when you like someone for months not that easy

Show quote history

Didn't mean to sound harsh.

I do think that he's shown you who he is and you now know what he's like. I totally agree he's in damage limitation mode. Forget about him.

youshouldnthaveasked · 21/03/2023 22:08

Count yourself lucky you haven’t taken it beyond flirting.

Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 22:09

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:05

A bit harsh, if I'd have know this in the first place I would have done but when you like someone for months not that easy

Show quote history

But you do no now, so time to back off. He enjoyed the flattery of someone flirting with him, and clearly isn’t great boyfriend material as he flirted back with you. Time to both move on.

Dotcheck · 21/03/2023 22:09

He was actively flirting with you but has a partner. He’s a slippery one.
I’d revise your list so that ‘honest’ features close to the top.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:11

He didn't actually say he was single and I was scared to ask because I liked him but he definitely tried to imply it by the things he did say. Don't wanna be too outing

OP posts:
getafringenotbotox · 21/03/2023 22:13

Think about how he's been with you and then imagine he was your partner. Would you be happy with that?

If not, forget him. If he's been disrespectful to his partner now, you won't be any different to him and how he treats anyone he's in a relationship with.

Thisismeyeah · 21/03/2023 22:16

Almost certainly, he fancied you, he also almost certainly would not leave his partner for you. He enjoyed the flirt, the chase, he isnt actually interested in you. If he was he'd still be flirting. Sorry OP but you are better off moving on. I know loads of blokes like this as I work in a male dominated environment better to move on.

Weeviking · 21/03/2023 22:17

Dacadactyl · 21/03/2023 22:03

Back off and forget about him.

It doesn't matter whether he liked you or not, he's taken.

This with fucking bells on.

Having been through this very recently as the partner, it will hurt her much more than you.

I don't mean to be harsh but it is raw.

Affor · 21/03/2023 22:20

It doesn't matter that you didn't know, it matters that either he wants to cheat, or he doesn't like you. There are no other options.

I say this with no judgement - I have been the OW and trust me you do not want to go there.

Conkersinautumn · 21/03/2023 22:21

Single and honest need to be on your checklist, itnappears your priorities are off as they're not already.

Findyourneutralspace · 21/03/2023 22:24

Did the fact he’s your manager not put you off? Even if I thought my boss was hot I’d never do anything about it because professionally it could be a disaster. Maybe once I’d left the company, but not while he was my boss. It’s immediately a weird dynamic.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:24

When I asked him if he'd been with his partner long he just said no quickly and then went quite as if to say I don't want to talk about this

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 22:26

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:24

When I asked him if he'd been with his partner long he just said no quickly and then went quite as if to say I don't want to talk about this

So? What exactly are you hoping to achieve here?

ToBeOrNotToBee · 21/03/2023 22:26

I can't emphasise this enough.

Don't shit where you eat.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:29

I have tried distancing myself from him and I think he knows that and can see he's hurt me, he distanced himself too then he will say one little thing that pulls me back in ( unintentionally) but I'm trying hard to not feel like this and it's so tough

OP posts:
EmmiJay · 21/03/2023 22:29

Yeahhh, no. It's better you found this out now. Also, he's your boss😬 I've always believed "don't shit where you eat" (crass, I know, but so true!) Shake off the crush, thank God you found out he was a greedy pig before anything and move on.

GingerBoot · 21/03/2023 22:31

OP, you're giving the impression that if your manager was willing, you'd carry on with the flirty behaviour even though you now know he's not single. Does it really matter how long he's been with his OH, only that he is in a relationship and has made it patently clear he no longer wishes to carry on with the flirting? Yes, he's an arsehole to have done so from the beginning but you'll be the arsehole if you push the situation now.
Follow his lead and just stop with the banter, flirting and stop bloody asking him stuff bout his OH and their relationship when it's blatantly obvious he has no intention of sitting down to have an intimate chat with you about it. You're embarrassing yourself, I'm afraid.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:31

It's not just been 5 minutes, it's been month of flirting and thinking he liked me. I know what you are all saying but it's not that easy to forget. That's what I wanna do but, I really thought he was single and genuinely liked me

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 21/03/2023 22:31

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:29

I have tried distancing myself from him and I think he knows that and can see he's hurt me, he distanced himself too then he will say one little thing that pulls me back in ( unintentionally) but I'm trying hard to not feel like this and it's so tough

Remind yourself he is an asshole that led you on, and be annoyed at him, you need to change you’re state of mind. He is taken, it’s a done deal, nothing is going to happen here. So protect yourself and move on.

getafringenotbotox · 21/03/2023 22:33

What do you want from the bus thread op?

He's showing you he thinks of you as aside chick.

Bin him off. Find a new job. Don't make him your problem

toodlesofoodles · 21/03/2023 22:34

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:31

It's not just been 5 minutes, it's been month of flirting and thinking he liked me. I know what you are all saying but it's not that easy to forget. That's what I wanna do but, I really thought he was single and genuinely liked me

Ok but he wasn't single and if he likes you or not he's a shit for flirting and leading you on. Google limerance and dust off your self esteem, you deserve better than a slimy man who is pretending to be single in order to flirt with his subordinate.

Dotcheck · 21/03/2023 22:34

Is he much older than you?

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