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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is/ was my boss interested in me?

108 replies

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:01

I'm really bad at reading signs so I apologise. A few months ago I got a new mgr he was really attractive and ticked all the boxes, I have a long list and he ticked extra boxes I didn't know mattered, I literally felt like I fell right into the 50shades film. I made it clear that I liked him and he seemed to like it and hang around me a lot. And seemed to strut around me peacocking, he made up a nickname for me which I think was flirty, and he called it me all the time with a smile on his face. We laughed together and I really liked his personality. A few months of flirting ( and people around said he was flirting with me too) I find out he's in a relationship. I bring it up in casual conversation when I next see him as I feel really hurt and he acts strange, he laughs it off but then goes out for a long walk. He comes back and things are totally different. He is really quiet, he looks at me like he wants to say something but then stops himself. I ask him questions about his partner and he just dismisses them and is not speaking very highly of his partner. but Next couple of months he distances himself from me, he stops calling me the nick names and acts totally different with me. I don't understand. Unfortunately I didn't know he had a partner when I started to like him and now I do it's too late and it really really hurts. Please help me understand.

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovealcohol · 22/03/2023 08:37

Also I should add I'm suffering really badly with my mental health and have been for a while. I have very serious depression and these feelings of hurt and pain towards him could be towards him or could just be because of my depression. It's really hard to know what's real and what isn't anymore.

OP posts:
704703hey · 22/03/2023 08:40

Are you getting some help with this? It sounds like you need some to help clear your mind

firsttimemum1230 · 22/03/2023 08:41

Bottom line is, this man is 1. Your manager and 2. In a relationship. You are insinuating you would carry on if he continued to do as he was which is wrong. I really don’t know what you were hoping for on this thread and if it is so hard to handle look for another job and leave. You can’t get through life like this.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 22/03/2023 08:43

You know there's over 30 million women in the UK how is it going to be outing to give a little detail?

winningeasy · 22/03/2023 08:44

The stuff about not giving you references is really manipulative. I would be speaking to HR about this, he's not a good person or boss.

Shoxfordian · 22/03/2023 08:46

It sounds like you were both enjoying a flirt when you were both in relationships but he never meant it to go any further than that - find a new job and don’t shit where you eat

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 22/03/2023 08:56

firsttimemum1230 · 22/03/2023 08:41

Bottom line is, this man is 1. Your manager and 2. In a relationship. You are insinuating you would carry on if he continued to do as he was which is wrong. I really don’t know what you were hoping for on this thread and if it is so hard to handle look for another job and leave. You can’t get through life like this.

I would not carry on with someone else's man and haven't done so or even shown him that he is bothering me. Part of me wishes that he would just become single of his own accord though, but I realise that this doesn't happen. This is why I need to find a way to move on. Either by leaving or stay and try and get over it.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 22/03/2023 09:07

You've got really carried away with your 50 Shades fantasy and he's been all too happy to string you along for his own entertainment. Consider how the rest of the team might perceive you. If I were you I'd keep my head down at work and focus on improving my mental health and happiness.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 22/03/2023 09:10

The purpose of this thread was to help me see things for what they are/ were. Instead of asking myself all these questions. Sometimes just typing it and seeing other people's views can be a wake up call. Typing this makes me feel like I've been such an idiot.

OP posts:
704703hey · 22/03/2023 09:15

ilovealcohol · 22/03/2023 09:10

The purpose of this thread was to help me see things for what they are/ were. Instead of asking myself all these questions. Sometimes just typing it and seeing other people's views can be a wake up call. Typing this makes me feel like I've been such an idiot.

Can you access some counselling? You may even be able to access some through work. It's confidential.

Still apply for the transfer, he can't stop you and ignore the reference threat.

JuneBridie · 22/03/2023 10:33

The op posts a version of this nonsense every couple of months, either a limerence loon or a creative writing wannabe testing out her Poundland 50 shades. Either way it’s a tedious load of old shite.

AgnesX · 22/03/2023 10:37

He's your boss and you're both at work. It was so not a good idea on any level.

You need to lick your wounds and get over it or look for another job.

Consider it a life lesson and leave that stuff outside the workplace in future.

highfidelity · 22/03/2023 10:54

ilovealcohol · 21/03/2023 22:52

It was over 6 months of flirting not a few weeks.

This makes no difference. He shouldn't have behaved like this in the first instance. Stop wasting your time on this (or him). Move on.

firsttimemum1230 · 22/03/2023 14:32

Honestly I’m sorry but the way you come across is if you’ve got a difficulty.

Even if he did become single on his own accord which he won’t who’s to say he would want to Pursue things with you anyway?

ive had a situation before where a male didn’t want anything serious. He was using me. I knew it and knew it would end. I used to want to text him and I used to want to always be where i knew he could be to see him etc. i got a message once saying he loved that I didn’t give a shit. Because I wasn’t running around after him and texting him constant I didn’t. I decided to meet someone else and cut him off though and still to this day I wonder what could’ve been if we put into it but neither of us wanted to and both now moved in in our lives. You need to grow up. Pull your head out the clouds and get on with life. Stop wallowing and pining for something that will never happen.

firsttimemum1230 · 22/03/2023 14:33

@JuneBridie 😂😂😂😂

ilovealcohol · 24/03/2023 00:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ilovealcohol · 24/03/2023 00:54

I have spoken to other sites about transfer as I really wanna leave now, I think that would be the best solution, unfortunately I have to go through my boss and I don't even know how to bring this up. Also I booked a doctors appointment as my mental health is terrible this last few days( hormone related l) but can't even get an appointment for another month. So il just have to suffer😢

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovealcohol · 24/03/2023 00:57

firsttimemum1230 · 22/03/2023 14:33

@JuneBridie 😂😂😂😂

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂so funny

OP posts:
AnotherDayOfSun · 24/03/2023 04:13

Definitely take care of yourself and focus on your mental health for a while. Crushing on someone and then realizing they are not what you thought they were is so common, and we have all been there! You just learn from it and eventually move on to better experiences, hopefully with guys who are much nicer and single, too!

HappyBunnyNow · 24/03/2023 05:25

It's extremely annoying when men do this but you need to cut your losses, this is not a nice guy he is getting an ego boost at your expense. Some men who are not available feel entitled to flirt and lead others on at work unfortunately. He's behaving inappropriately and unprofessionally considering his position and the power dynamic. He's a time waster who has no intention of offering you a real relationship, even if you did get together you wouldn't be able to trust him. If you can't let go of the fantasy version of him, it might be best if you transfer to a different department or move on. Wishing you better for next time.

RedHelenB · 24/03/2023 06:22

toodlesofoodles · 21/03/2023 22:36

I tried to go for a new job. He looked bothered by this and told me my reference wouldn't be good, or would be ok but not amazing

So he's also blackmailing you? He sounds fucking lovely Confused

It might be true if OP is spending all her time mooning after him.

winningeasy · 24/03/2023 06:32

OP, you need to speak to HR, this is effecting your mental health now x

JuneBridie · 24/03/2023 06:53

ilovealcohol · 24/03/2023 00:57

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂so funny

Show quote history

Glad you found it funny too 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

EmmaDilemma5 · 24/03/2023 06:56

Oh dear OP. Time to move on. He's taken and clearly just wanted a bit of banter.

JuneBridie · 24/03/2023 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Your faux outrage is even duller than your purple prose. Why not punt this nonsense over at literotica, you can ramp up the content there with impunity op.

And to answer your specific op “is/was my boss interested in me?” No. No he isn’t/wasn’t.

Hope this helps 😀