If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

I’m in both camps.

Grew up on a council estate. Come from a background where social services were heavily involved.

Parents scrimped and saved to put me in a small independent school (modestly priced compared to others). I felt pressure to succeed to make good on the investment. At same time my Dad was a known abusive alcoholic, so I saw both worlds growing up. Classmates used to comment on my upbringing and house size (council estate) and I couldn’t make friends on council estate who would spit on me for going to private school. Regular embarrassing moments like not being able to afford things and have people look down on me. I worked to clothe myself from 15 and if they got jobs it was because their parents told them to for life experience. They travelled abroad regularly, I didn’t, etc.

Put my head down and worked as hard as I could but was constantly riddled with self-doubt. Biggest impact was confident, trouble-free friends who entered graduate schemes confident. It rubbed off on me and still does. I have a much better job than I would otherwise because of private education, but I still worked from nothing to get here.

My confidence comes from those articulate, outspoken and lovely friends that I made that were not snobs. They were there for me when stuff about my Dad came out (historic sexual abuse) and we’re still close. I went through more mental health problems in twenties than they did. Life is presenting them with challenges now we’re late thirties but also growing them as people.

There are so many lovely people who were privately educated but there’s a difference between being nice and building close relationships.

We will probably send DD to private school if that’s an option for us.

It's 'Public school' not 'Private'.

I avoid inverted snobs at all costs, it suggests ignorance.

Sort of irrelevant. This won’t end up being a moral issue if it comes to it; it’ll be argued on entirely legal and practical terms.

Public schools are a subset of private schools. Not all private schools are public schools (but all public schools are private schools)

@TheHoover please tell me again that there is a state alternative for my kids who have been bullied, traumatised and failed by the state system that is completely unable or unwilling to offer what they need..a small, quiet environment with naturally occuring quiet places, not special "units" where they can go when overwhelmed. Have a hop onto some of FB support groups for parents of children with EBSA and read what a great time they are all having being threatened and harrased by teachers, EWOs and LEAs who are more concerned about attendance figures than the fact their pupils are self harming at the thought of attending. Putting VAT or abolishing private schools will not change that, but would leave kids like mine in the wilderness. I am constantly juggling debt to keep them in private and I would beg borrow or steal to keep them there if I had to. So piss off with your flippant "there's an alternative". No, there isn't.

Yeah, there is an alternative for us, but we don't want to use it as my dds private school is loads better in every way.

"It's 'Public school' not 'Private'.

I avoid inverted snobs at all costs, it suggests ignorance."

It doesn't suggest ignorance quite as clearly as not understanding the difference between the terms "private school" and "public school" on a thread devoted to the subject.

I went to a private school - it killed my confidence and I suffered severe low self esteem for over a decade.I have had to work twice as hard as many of my non privately educated peers to hold my own, and know my worth as I felt great shame for just being me.

Not everyone’s experience is the same so please don’t judge as such. I would never send my children to private school but understand my parents did what they felt best.

To judge a whole group of people based on a decision they had no say in is completely unethical and unfair.

@CurlewKate I work in an indie and I'm not sure of the difference to be honest. They get used interchangeably by staff, teachers, parents and the general public. It doesn't matter, everyone knows that either refers to a fee paying school, whether their historical roots are different is irrelevant

And no I don’t have a high paying job, I worked
in the nhs as a midwife before having children. I then took an apprenticeship and retrained at 30. I am happy now but threads like this break me a bit

Public schools are a completely different entity in the UK. I'm a bit confused that the staff at your independent school don't know this.

I'm saying the terms are used interchangeably to mean a fee paying school as opposed to a state school. In my 25 years working across both sectors that has been the case.

Well, they aren't interchangeable at all so that's bizarre.

Late to the thread but don't really relate to many posts.

I grew up in a working family in Spain. I went to state schools and to Uni without any kind of complex about private schools. Both queen Letizia and Pedro Sanchez (Spanish Prime Minister) attended state schools (Ramiro de Maetzu in their high school years).

I'm aware that in Australia and the UK, attending the "right" private school worth thousands every year will have an impact on who gets to the best positions in government and private companies. But, maybe because of my background, I've never felt I was less than "them"

I have great friends in OZ that were educated in expensive private schools and are the same as me. We all have similar worries.

'Both queen Letizia and Pedro Sanchez (Spanish Prime Minister) attended state schools'

can you IMAGINE our Royals going to a normal school. Not in a million years.

'The fact that you say they “do things to protect charitable status” shows that their motives are not charitable,'

They're businesses, pure and simple. No-one with half a brain would believe they are not.

It doesn't matter if you 'believe' they are or not. The private schools that have charitable status have it legitimately.

I can only assume that @BibbleandSqwauk must have worked exclusively in public schools and has acquired very little awareness of the rest of the sector. I don't imagine that anyone working in one of the many independent schools that aren't public schools would be labouring under the misapprehension that the terms "public school" and "private school" are used interchangeably.

It's rather astonishing that someone working in the sector would have such limited awareness.

The Charity Commission and it’s decision makers must be lacking those requisite brain cells, then.

I agree, very bizarre. A close friend member is a headmaster at an independent school (non public school) and there is no way he’d use those terms interchangeably when they are fundamentally different things.

To be fair, Charity Commission regulation is extremely light touch to say the least. There is very little checking that goes on.

Well, it's all we have.

Yes, and therein lies the problem.

Well not really? Or are only some charities deserving of approbation?

'It doesn't matter if you 'believe' they are or not. The private schools that have charitable status have it legitimately.'

Not for much longer hopefully. There's a difference between what's legally allowed and morally right, but we're currently governed by a bunch of mainly wealthy, privately educated, Tories who care more about protecting their privilege and those of their friend.
Not much will change until they go.