If you didn’t go to a private school, what do you think about those who did?

[hanginds]

Do you feel they had an unfair advantage? Do you care? Do you think they don’t know about the real world?

I really struggle to connect with colleagues who were privately educated as they seem almost entitled to the job. They seem fearless about finding alternative work if needs be, yet I just don’t have that confidence. I assume it’s their background as it’s the only difference between us in the academic/work context.

Anyway, my point is that it isn't as easy as "private school = immoral / state education = perfectly moral". There is a huge grey area in-between!

Hoover - on this thread - the words used to describe people who went to a private school are deeply offensive and judgemental.

My best friend is a nurse - she went to Roedean but there is no way you can just tell from the way she speaks acts, views etc. The only reason I know, is I was round at her place for coffee and she had a friend stay and I asked how they met.

To the mumsnetters here she is posh stuck up over confident arrogant, actually quite thick because she went to a private school - give over. Her grandfather was a miner, her father got into the grammar school, worked hard and chose to pay for his daughter to go to private school. I s she still working class?

The family environment has as much influence on the attitude and behaviour of the child as the school does. If you teach your child to believe in themselves rather than see themselves as a victim of their background - they start to believe n themselves. I am not British and did not go to school in the UK - bar when I lived in Australia - I have never seen so many people obsess about schools and their background. It is like a badge of honour to be working class but I see people earning over 100K call themselves working class

"My perception of the kind of people churned out by the private system and the like, is based mainly on the people I work with, at my company and others."

So basically, you are one of those admin busybody types with an inflated sense of self-importance?

I wonder what people in the company and others think if you?

I have friends who went to private school and they're very nice. I think we all play down our education though, so as not to appear arrogant or whatever. It was ages before I knew they were privately educated. Some private school colleagues stick out like a sore thumb and those are the less likeable ones who are full of themselves.

Having been privately educated myself I chose to send the DC to state schools for the social diversity. Like it or not, most private schools are selective on both income and academic achievement and the whole point of selection is to exclude people. I wanted them to meet people from all kinds of backgrounds. The schools here are ok though. I wouldn't have sent them if they were really awful, but in that case would have tried to move before going private.

No wonder dd mainly sticks with other privately educated kids, reading some of the attitudes on here.

How would you know? No-one who knows me, (except my husband and siblings) know I went to private school. In fact, I think if you asked a lot of my colleagues and mum friends they'd confidently say I didn't! The reason I don't mention it is because of stigma and prejudice, and people making massive assumptions about me which simply aren't true.

I wonder how people will judge my youngest, who will be going to an independent SEN school. He’ll never be able to work or live independently, but I guess I’m giving him an ‘unfair advantage’ over state children who go to state SEN schools.

No, but work colleagues talk to each other and all of my friends are people I went to (state) school with so I know none of them are. I could have met somebody in passing who went to private school obviously, but nobody I know on any personal level did.

You'd punish someone for the decisions their parents made?
Completely rediculous, I doubt you would even know what sort of school someone went to in most cases.

All of my friends are people I went to state school with, so I know they aren't. I've lived and worked in the same town all my life, so I know a lot of people here. My manager went to the same school as me, or so she told me unless she's lying.

So much hatred for those who are privately educated. I asked a close, state educated, relative who is privately educated in their team and they haven't got a clue. Neither do they care, why would they?

My dds don't have SEN. We are not working class. Our private school was head and shoulders above our local state school in every single way, and we could afford it, so we chose that. Dds friends are now mainly privately educated as her old primary state school friends think everyone who goes to her school is a snob. Their loss.

StarmanBobby

You say you work in education and you are trying to stop privately educated people from working in your business. What aspect of education? I’m trying to think of what aspect of education is overrun by privately educated souls.
Is it teaching?

Anyway, you didn’t answer my last question so I’ll try again:

Why on earth do you interview anyone privately educated since you appear to have a grudge against them?
Is it that you like the idea of wasting their time like the poster up thread who thought it ‘hilarious’ to apply for a private school just so they could say no?
Or do you like the opportunity to get a few digs in during the interview about how you despise posh people?

Probably Chartwells catering or something similar.

It would be nice if more state educated kids went to Oxford, Cambridge etc and were in the cabinet

Trouble is we're all informed by experience. Animosity sadly goes both ways. We were at a country music festival a few years back, and DC's choir won, beating the local private school. You should have heard the comments from parents - 'well they only won because they had the advantage of positive discrimination'. Errr no - they were just better (despite considerably fewer resources)

A couple of my son's classmates moved to private school, they were bright and seemed to absorb wider extracurricular activities, I could see how they could flourish in the private environment. they did very well in state primary anyway though but I could see how the wider better facilities of the private setting could have brought them on even further.
I don't think the private setting is a magical place where if you went you would get a better education, and better opportunities just because you are there, I do think the individual has to be able to embrace the private setting and they will only get out of it what they put in. An employee's girlfriend went to a private school and although articulate and confident, she ended up with poor results, didn't get into uni and had little drive or ambition so it's not a given that everyone will come out with it all handed to them on a plate.
Many years ago I worked in a state school, a boy joined in year 8 after attending a local private school he'd attended since starting school. He had no social awareness, he'd come from a very 'naice' environment into a very socially diverse school and when trying to make friends with a boy he asked him "Are you what they call a charver?" he came to the office in tears after the boy punched him, he couldn't understand as he was just trying to make friends. The puncher obviously got punished but I had to tactfully talk to the poor lad about basic social skills/social awareness, poor lad was clueless, which was a shame because he was really trying and was a really sweet kid on the whole.
So I don't mind private schools as such, but they won't be for everyone even if they can afford it and they do have their downsides.

Agree it would be helpful. It would mean perhaps more emphasis and funding on good state education across the board. Instead most cabinet members have no skin in that game

You do know that in 2020 68% of Oxford graduates went to state school??

Whenever I've worked with privately educated people, boy have I known about it - a lot of them never seem to stop bragging about it and judging others on where they went!
I've worked with people who had left school decades prior and were still bragging about being privately educated and went round the office loudly saying, "I like (name of colleague) because he went to private school... i dont like (name of other colleague) because she only went to state school..." or saying, "I'm not taking orders from (name of manager), he only went to state school!"
Some of the worst were those who had also gone to Durham Uni, they would openly say that they refused to speak to colleagues or customers who had the "wrong" accent or background.
State educated people just get on with the job in my experience.

And in 2021 over 72% of Cambridge graduates were from state school.

@Hoistupthemainsail still not really good enough though is it? And please remember that doesn't breakdown the grammar entrants and the large numbers who come from places like Hills Rd in Cambridge, the state sixth form which Cambridge academics favour for their children.
Grammars is cost in tiny pockets of the country.

I well that's part of my point isn't it? That's it's not just a case of private schools are evil and state school aren't when you then start bringing grammar schools into the mix and how elitist they are!

I don't think Grammars are a good idea either!

I know a few people were either privately educated or are parents who decided to privately educate. Honestly, they're a very mixed bunch but with one common attribute - confidence. Confidence in their abilities, confidence in their approach to problems, confidence to speak publicly. All very eloquent.

One went to Roedean and is just bloody horrible and universally disliked for being extremely difficult. One went to Haberdashers Askes, is the daughter of Bengali immigrants and a human rights lawyer. One used to be my boss and is, to this day, probably the best line manager I have ever had - extremely knowledgeable in the field of psychology, and generally a thoroughly decent man who did a stint in a food bank.

Yes, there's the Old Etonian boys' club, which has churned out endless (mostly Tory) prime ministers who completely lack any moral fiber. But from my own personal experience, also many good people who want to help others who have not been blessed with money behind them. I don't agree with a two tier education system, in the same way I oppose the creeping privatisation/ destruction of the NHS. But that's a point of principle I have with the system, not the people using it.