Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating a man who lives with exw and kids

80 replies

beriol · 21/03/2023 13:06

Even though it's common knowledge that the marriage is gone and they have agreed to separate lives but coparent and cohabit for financial reasons ?
Really hope I get a lot of replies as the bigger the response the more overwhelming the reasons will be to inform my decision.
Thanks for reading.
Fwiw, we both want casual but exclusive in a relationship.
Nothing long term.

OP posts:
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 21/03/2023 13:10

Maybe give some more information on your actual situation rather than a vague hypothetical followed by Really hope I get a lot of replies as the bigger the response the more overwhelming the reasons will be to inform my decision.

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:15

What should I add???
I'm separated , 50, three teens.
Met a man on line. He's separated with three kids who are young.
They can't afford to run two homes at the moment.
They share parenting roles .
My children have no contact with their father.
I have very little free time.
I would like to meet a man for friendship and fun once a week . Coffee: lunches/ walks / weekends away now and again .
Low Commitment . Exclusive.
He wants that also.
I have found out that it is common knowledge that he is indeed separated and that this is his set up.

OP posts:
lazycats · 21/03/2023 13:16

If you both want it as 'low committment' then I assume you've no plans to move in together in future, in which case there's little problem. You see him at yours and/or out and about. Seems fine if you like him otherwise.

Harriyet · 21/03/2023 13:17

There's still no actual questions in your posts! What's the question?

Whatalovelypair · 21/03/2023 13:19

I don't know what common knowledge separation is, he could get his mates to lie but assuming it is a genuine separation and I only want occasional hotel sex then it's fine. You could have enabled voting and that would have given you a good snapshot.

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:24

Oh thank you @Whatalovelypair !! I didn't know how to do that

OP posts:
Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:25

My question is ...

Would you date a separated man who lives with his wife and kids ?

OP posts:
ZebraPyjamas · 21/03/2023 13:26

Absolutely not.

Iam4eels · 21/03/2023 13:26

If it was me the unless I 100% knew they were no longer a couple, I'd be suspicious that the co-habiting thing is a cover and he's looking for an affair.

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:26

Can I ask why not @ZebraPyjamas ?

OP posts:
PennyForearm · 21/03/2023 13:27

You met him online, the only 'common knowledge' you have is what he has chosen to tell you.

I would have thought any woman who had "looking for casual, nothing long term, friendship and fun once a week" in her OLD profile would have enough interest to not need to choose someone who is living with his wife.

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:27

I don't ' need' to have something with him, I'm considering it.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 21/03/2023 13:28

If you know for certain that he is genuinely separated and you only want a causal hook up situation then go for it. I'm a similar age to you though and would personally run a mile, very fast, to get away from a man of a similar age with young kids.

Does his wife know he's seeing other people? Is she seeing anyone?

emmetgirl · 21/03/2023 13:29

I couldn't do this. Sounds too complicated.

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:30

She's not dating as far as he knows and she doesn't know he's dating her r at least said he didn't volunteer to tell her

OP posts:
ZebraPyjamas · 21/03/2023 13:30

@beriol Just too much potential for complications, even for a casual relationship I wouldn’t go near a man in that situation, I would need things to be much more clear cut

Darby3785 · 21/03/2023 13:33

I would be suspicious that he's looking for an affair. Unless you are happy to risk being involved in something like that then that is your decision , but I would have ran a mile by now! It has the potential to end up really complicated!

SavBlancTonight · 21/03/2023 13:33

Well, I'd be suspicious about his "separated by co-habiting" thing unless I had 100% ironclad proof.

Personally, no, I wouldn't date such a man because it's too complicated and difficult.

But if you're 100% certain he's telling the truth and you genuinely just want to basically be FWB, then sure, go for it.

PermanentTemporary · 21/03/2023 13:34

It sounds complicated and tricky.

I wouldn't absolutely rule it out. I have a friend who lives with her husband, they are divorcing and they both date away from home. They're nice people. So it's not an absolute no but he'd have to be the best bloody artist in the sack going to make up for all that.

Flowerblooms · 21/03/2023 13:34

No I wouldn’t date the man in this situation. Even if he is telling the truth about his home life it’s still too complicated.

Runningonempty01 · 21/03/2023 13:34

Ask to meet her and confirm the situation!

Harriyet · 21/03/2023 13:36

I dont see the issue if you only want some fun. If you want something long term and serious then no.

poetryandwine · 21/03/2023 13:37

I personally would not, because I think there is likely to be a continuing emotional entanglement with the ex and quite possibly a physical one. Even if I began a relationship thinking that I just wanted a good time, I would want the freedom for it to take its own course. That’s how DH and I ended up together.

But you seem to want something different and if you are sure that you cannot see this relationship progressing, I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t think it will develop beyond anything casual while he is living with the ex, so be sure you are okay with this.

B0g · 21/03/2023 13:37

Absolutely not. There’s nothing appealing about that whatsoever. A woman looking on the internet for a casual sex partner has the world at her feet, why pick some bloke laden with baggage?

Original poster
beriol · 21/03/2023 13:38

@Runningonempty01 ... Ask to meet her ???? Christ he's cute but I dont want him to father my children Confused

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread