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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate contact from British Gas engineer?!!

426 replies

PandaEyed13 · 21/03/2023 11:31

Bit of a weird one!

Has anyone had a gas/electric engineer respond to a call out at their property - and then had the engineer call and text their personal mobile number weeks after the work?!

Had a problem with my gas meter at my house last month and British Gas sent multiple engineers on varying dates to try and fix the issue, 4 engineers in total on 4 separate dates over the past few weeks, the issue got fixed and resolved last week, job done, lovely stuff!

Over this past weekend though I had 2 missed calls from a mobile phone number I didn't recognise. I didn't answer because it's just my personal philosophy not to answer to unfamiliar numbers, I assumed they were cold calls and forgot about it.

Yesterday morning though, I got 2 more calls from this number. Then a text - "Hi there B, (not my real name) it's 'Dan' (not his real name) from British Gas, call me back..'

Erm...that's weird right?
So when I cast my mind back, 'Dan' was engineer number 2 from visit number 2 about 3 weeks ago!

I can remember him being very friendly, really helpful - to the point of being almost above and beyond. He didn't cross any boundaries on the day. He was a teeny tiny bit vibey, like the absolute smidgen of a flirt, but not in a way that made me uncomfortable, he was just treating me a bit 'damsel in distressy,' which I didnt think much of at the time, I just wanted the work done! He even offered to call my DH for me at his work and explain what work he was doing at the house so I didn't have to bother trying to suss out the jargon to relay back to him. I said no thanks, but me being married became known information!

Fast forward 3 weeks and he's called my personal mobile number from his 4 times and sent a text asking me to call him. This is weird, yes? Boundary crossing? Call-out engineers never do follow up calls right? None of the other 3 engineers who came to my house have contacted me! I called my mum right after and DH on his work break and both freaked out, like "what if he's a nutter, he knows where you live!" etc etc.

My mum advised to reply to his text saying "no thanks, I won't be calling as the work has been completed at our property now, but thanks for your help on the day" and then to block his number if he replies to that or calls again. So I sent that text this morning and no reply as of yet. DH wants his number to call him though and ask what the F he wants! I spoke to British Gas this morning and they said it's not commonplace for call-out engineers to make contact with residents of properties they have attended or to make follow up calls and do I want to start an investigation. I said I didn't know because I haven't heard anything else since I sent my "thanks but no thanks" message a few hours ago, so they said call back if I get anything else.

I don't want to get anyone in trouble if it's all innocent, or antagonise anyone if it's not!

And DH is chomping at the bit for me to pass his number on so he can ring him, which I'm also reluctant to do?

Ideas, opinions? Anyone else had the 'friendly engineer' hit them up? I tried to Google whether engineers do this and there's absolutely nothing, so I'm thinking - no, they don't! Even if he is just following up on the day, it's still inappropriate and boundary crossing right? How he got my mobile num, I don't even know, he's a call-out engineer not a call centre agent with account access!

Didn't know where else to post this so went with AIBU, although I don't think I am to be freaked out!

OP posts:
Original poster
PandaEyed13 · 22/03/2023 09:49

I do appreciate all posts, even the cruel and scathing ones have value. This became a separate issue a few pages in that I can take a lot from and use in totally separate areas.

I'm a TA at a primary and we've been having problems with the YR6 girls. They're bullying and excluding each other, they've all got phones so they're whatsapping each other to kill themselves because boy A spoke to girl B for longer than he spoke to girl C that day, or because another girl wore eyeshadow for the first time at an after school disco so 'who does she think she is,' etc etc. They're making group chat campaigns of hate against each other, making spiteful memes about each other and it spills over into school, they're fighting at breaktime and calling each other names I can't repeat. It's been going on pretty much since school year started last Sept, at least once a fortnight there's a little girl sobbing in the office. They're 10 and 11 years old, it's devastating. Every month we're having assemblies with the girls and inviting their parents in to join, to talk about how unacceptable girl-on-girl venom is. We try to get them to see that their female peers should be their allies and to support each other and back each other, 'sisters in arms' sort of thing.

This thread and parts of it is valuable in being able to demonstrate how far woman to woman ridicule, scorn and mockery can go, even in potentially dangerous circumstances. I can definitely take from this in a lot of different ways.

OP posts:
Ktime · 22/03/2023 10:01

What a load of fuss and thousands of words written by a damsel in distressy OP over nothing. My elderly mum just had a boiler fitted by BG and the guy from BG called me to ask if she was happy with the way it was working (Hive etc). I should have reported him to the police clearly.

puffinpetra · 22/03/2023 10:39

PandaEyed13 · 22/03/2023 09:49

I do appreciate all posts, even the cruel and scathing ones have value. This became a separate issue a few pages in that I can take a lot from and use in totally separate areas.

I'm a TA at a primary and we've been having problems with the YR6 girls. They're bullying and excluding each other, they've all got phones so they're whatsapping each other to kill themselves because boy A spoke to girl B for longer than he spoke to girl C that day, or because another girl wore eyeshadow for the first time at an after school disco so 'who does she think she is,' etc etc. They're making group chat campaigns of hate against each other, making spiteful memes about each other and it spills over into school, they're fighting at breaktime and calling each other names I can't repeat. It's been going on pretty much since school year started last Sept, at least once a fortnight there's a little girl sobbing in the office. They're 10 and 11 years old, it's devastating. Every month we're having assemblies with the girls and inviting their parents in to join, to talk about how unacceptable girl-on-girl venom is. We try to get them to see that their female peers should be their allies and to support each other and back each other, 'sisters in arms' sort of thing.

This thread and parts of it is valuable in being able to demonstrate how far woman to woman ridicule, scorn and mockery can go, even in potentially dangerous circumstances. I can definitely take from this in a lot of different ways.

Op are you an ally to the women you called hags? Ffs don't preach about sisterhood after some of the derogatory, misogynistic insults you've thrown about to people who disagree with you.

I agree you've had some shitty responses. Toxic femininity is alive and well on MN. But you are just as guilty so get off your high horse.

Ktime · 22/03/2023 10:41

gives the cruel hags something to latch onto. "See - your sensitive! Poor engineer bloke!"

Wow I missed that gem. If reported OP would be deleted but better for it to stay and everyone to see this.

704703hey · 22/03/2023 10:45

You've jogged a memory of the plumber calling me one evening, he didn't leave a message.

The work was completed so I just shrugged and didn't call back.

It's a bit weirder that your husband called back and he hung up but I wouldn't bother about it.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 11:14

Thingshavegonetoshit · 22/03/2023 09:10

I think this post highlights how toxic women can be to other women. Women calling other women derogatory names, mocking them and calling them sex offenders (I realise the ones containing offensive words have been deleted before I’m called out on that). Misogyny is spoken about often on MN but if those posters who are defending women’s rights are so happy to throw such insulting comments to other women, then why are posters standing up for something that they don’t believe in themselves. If anything, this thread highlights how toxic women can be.

I outlined the OP's OP to my DH & said there were some ridiculous replies defending the guy. His response? "Those will be from men." I think some very obviously are. Others are just typical AIBU responses.

Also this: I suppose in certainly (sic) cases it could be seen as harassment, but he won't know until you tell him.

Oh, he knows. If he doesn't then he is, to use an old-fashioned term which I think deserves an outing, a moral imbecile.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 11:22

limitedperiodonly · 22/03/2023 09:14

I suppose in certainly cases it could be seen as harassment, but he won't know until you tell him.

@Rubyupbeat don't worry. He'll probably get the message when his boss tells him

😂

Thingshavegonetoshit · 22/03/2023 12:09

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 11:14

I outlined the OP's OP to my DH & said there were some ridiculous replies defending the guy. His response? "Those will be from men." I think some very obviously are. Others are just typical AIBU responses.

Also this: I suppose in certainly (sic) cases it could be seen as harassment, but he won't know until you tell him.

Oh, he knows. If he doesn't then he is, to use an old-fashioned term which I think deserves an outing, a moral imbecile.

Show quote history

My comment was about the derogatory comments from women to women, not about defending the man.

704703hey · 22/03/2023 12:17

Actually I skim read this at first and didn't realise how much of a pest he was.

Glad you got it sorted OP, don't think he'll be doing that again

Sallydimebar · 22/03/2023 12:25

Im sorry OP at some of the responses but I think when you start a thread esp in AIBU some will agree and some won’t and responses will come in all tones on a public forum.

Yes can believe the girl on girl venom in primary unfortunately no better in high school and social media has made it worse.

Everyones different of course but my husband wouldn’t bat a eyelid had a engineer who had done previous work at our home had called me . I would put the previous missed calls down to to you not answering that’s all , wouldn’t automatically think of him being persistent .

Likewise I wouldn’t need husband to speak to him on my behalf. I would of maybe only of took it further having spoke to him and then found it to be alarming, unprofessional ect .

I couldn’t report someone for calling my mobile . I’m not making excuses for him either , just think you could of answered the 2nd time and found out , had he overstepped his mark then yes of course take it further .

OhwhyOY · 22/03/2023 12:45

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 11:14

I outlined the OP's OP to my DH & said there were some ridiculous replies defending the guy. His response? "Those will be from men." I think some very obviously are. Others are just typical AIBU responses.

Also this: I suppose in certainly (sic) cases it could be seen as harassment, but he won't know until you tell him.

Oh, he knows. If he doesn't then he is, to use an old-fashioned term which I think deserves an outing, a moral imbecile.

Show quote history

A moral imbecile, I love it @ifIwerenotanandroid

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 13:05

@OhwhyOY I first came across the term decades ago, & learned that it had been used to describe women who were pregnant outside marriage & forced into the workhouse/similar places. I've always wanted to rehabilitate it by using it about men, as there are many examples of individual men being disingenuous, claiming ignorance, etc. I'd take them literally, label them & take them out of society.

But that's just me.😂

pixie5121 · 22/03/2023 13:41

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
PandaEyed13 · 22/03/2023 15:04

@puffinpetra
@Ktime

Of course I intend to take accountability for anything derogatory I said to other posters. It's no excuse - but I felt personally insulted, and a lot of judgemental assumptions on what type of woman I am right from the get go. There was a lot of "you're enjoying this" and "poster loves herself" and "you'd be moaning if he wasn't calling you." Those comments came over as being oddly resentful and bitter from total strangers right from first comments.
The word 'hag' seems to have caused particular offense, it seems 'troll' would have been more digestable.
But in any case, I retaliated. I'm human, we all are and it wasn't my finest hour so of course I'll hold my hands up to it.
@puffinpetra I apologise to you directly as I tagged you in something yesterday, something about mirrors, and I don't believe now that you deserved it.
I also own up to how retaliating made me feel in and about myself at the end of the day. Not proud.

I think the difference is that I don't think any of the people who called me what they did felt any kind of way about themselves at the end of their day's. That's fine.
And if you don't want to read the 'thousands of words' then why are you here? Nobody has to be here if they're bored by the content, anyone can disengage any time.
Seriously this site isn't my vibe at AT ALL! Tried it, hate it and I'm happy to chalk it up as just being not for me, but I do appreciate everyone who took time to write and I do respect everyone's right to have a difference of opinion.

OP posts:
Ludo19 · 22/03/2023 15:31

Well I think you did the right thing OP and I think you've come across well.

I agree that there is no women sticking up for women in many situations and that's sad.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 22/03/2023 15:34

@PandaEyed13 There are some excellent things about MN, as well as some less salubrious corners.😁I'd say don't judge the whole thing by AIBU, which has a bit of a reputation for this sort of thing. I hope you don't go but if you do, all the best.

puffinpetra · 22/03/2023 15:57

That's a fair response op and you are probably right, some of the posters won't feel bad about what they said to you. The fact that you've reflected on it and concluded that you didn't feel proud about your response says a lot about your character. As pp said, don't judge all of MN by this one post. Aibu is notoriously savage and while there is the odd arsehole, I have had some really good advice on here over the years.

Madamum18 · 22/03/2023 17:55

OP you did the right thing. Ignore the ridiculous suggestions made on here. This bloke needs to be investigated if only at the very least he can be supported regarding boundaries!! He clearly doesn't get them! And if he is a danger at an early stage it needs nipping in the bud!

Twentytwothousand · 22/03/2023 17:57

Might he not have left an essential bit of kit at your house?

DashboardConfessional · 22/03/2023 18:22

Twentytwothousand · 22/03/2023 17:57

Might he not have left an essential bit of kit at your house?

A) No, he did not. Read the thread.

B) If he had, he could have sent a text or said that in a voicemail.

WhoNeedsToSleepAnyway · 22/03/2023 18:35

I've read all the OPs posts and totally agree with her ..as women we need to listen to our 'spidey senses' . Something felt wrong... it was, BG have confirmed he didn't follow protocol, only he knows to what end! How many reports of men (mainly) abusing the power of a uniform do we need to hear. He may be trying this approach with other women, maybe others who are vulnerable. if he wasn't doing anything wrong letting his employer know wouldn't be an issue would it? As women we should be championing each other not bringing each other down.

Littlepicker · 22/03/2023 18:44

Get over yourself 🙄

Kellymm88 · 22/03/2023 18:47

You don’t want anyone in trouble, Yeats you’ve told your mum, British Gas and your husband…: and mums net. You are enjoying the attention, yet the thing could be totally innocent. Maybe he’s looking for a screwdriver back that he’s left in the loft.
you need to wise up

wellstopdoingitthen · 22/03/2023 18:55

He may be worried he hasn't refitted something? He may have lost something & wondered if he'd left it at yours. He may have dodgy intentions but without asking you will continue to wonder & worry about it. Just ask him & if it's dodgy you can shut him down, block him & report him to British Gas.

Isinglass20 · 22/03/2023 19:06

It’s feedback. Was he pleasant to deal with. Listen to your concerns. Cause a mess. Tidied up. Between 1-10 how would you rate our service. 🥱