I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

@PenelopeTitsDrop3121

id call it eating or helping themselves to, certainly not 'stealing' when they're eating things from the kitchen jn their family home.

They 'ate' (selfishly) all the family treat, but no, they didn't 'steal'

They weren't taking 'food' because they were hungry, they were helping themselves to all of the tasty treats.

Yes. But they’re fed and respected, so don’t “steal” food from their own house.

Also only just getting on for 1 years old and unable to walk let alone sneak stuff out of the cupboards right?

Presumably I’m allowed to count 2 DSD’s who live with us half the time? 👍🏻

*DSS’s typo

I wouldn’t take their money, but I wouldn’t buy any treat food for a while. I would make sure they have access to fruit and are able to make a sandwich or toast. I put food I don’t want my kids to eat on the top shelf. After a few months of no treats hopefully they won’t do it again.

When I started reading this I assumed they were older teens who should know better.

Don't take their pocket money!

Instead tell them that you'll now only be buying healthy food (and no sweets, biscuits, bars, crisps etc) for a while.

Funny how they only ate the treats, not beans on toast 🙄

Since when do children have free access to treats ? I certainly didn't, and neither will my children until they're teens. If they want something they ask me, sometimes I say yes and sometimes I say no.

This whole "children should have free access to food" is bonkers. Do you also give them free access to the medicine cabinet and to your alcohol stash ?

I should add, if they were cooking a bowl of pasta at midnight then I'd agree that dinner portions may be inadequate. But smuggling treats is nothing of the sort.

OP, if you feel back about taking their money, you could offer them a chance to earn it back through chores and good behaviour.

Ok laughing at the shock over yogurt and cheese. When my eldest was young we used to have the put the babybel and apricot yogurts our if all reach because he would eat them all day every day …. He still does not like chocolate and would eat cheese related snacks instead.

I would give them back their money but not allow them any junk food again for a long time. I would let the easter bunny leave something if that is a tradition in your home because they are not a couple of evil doers.

This reply is hilarious! Are you serious? Get a grip!

The kids know snacks were bought for lunchboxes but they come in from school peckish and want to graze. Toast isn't as appealing as the snacks so they sneak the snacks. Even I do it sometimes!

To make sure there's enough left for lunchboxes I have a secret stash somewhere. They eat the rest and for the last few days each week before I go shopping there are no treats left in the cupboard but enough in my stash for their lunches.

Get a grip. You sound ridiculous!

"This whole "children should have free access to food" is bonkers. Do you also give them free access to the medicine cabinet and to your alcohol stash ?"

Right, yes exactly the same thing. Alchohol, poison and food.

Mine have free access, I warn them when they are eating too many sweets, and it works. They have a nutritionally balanced, healthy diet. We are a Mediterranean family so food is mostly this cuisine. They, like all kids, love chocolate and snacks but don't overdo it and it's not forbidden "treats" in our house. I think if you make them so precious they're more likely to obsess over it.

The not buying it doesn’t work as Op has a husband in a physical job working long shifts. She explained it suits him to have snacks he can easily put in his pocket eg cereal bars and biscuits. If she goes down route of a locked box for Dad with his stuff in and no treats for the children I’m sure some posters would have a field day with that.
They are 9 and 10. Old enough to understand that everyone has to share and it’s not on to take more than your share.

Maybe Dad could keep his snacks in the car?

Maybe because I knew if I left my 2 alone for 5 minutes they could get up to all sorts, definitely worse than eating a months worth of snacks in a few days that I constantly had eyes on them or knew where they were and what they were doing.
Even now as adults and medicated they still do random stuff when I am not around that cost them money and time to put right.

I think more supervision, more trips out or generally doing stuff with dc so they don’t get bored and start on the treat cupboard.

Do you also give them free access to the medicine cabinet and to your alcohol stash ?"

I bought my DC a pushbike so I guess should give her also my car keys, all the same?

On our house also kids cannot 'steal' food like they can't steal water or electricity. They can be thoughtless and leave the lights on, or eat something I had plans for, but that's not stealing.

No, what sounds ridiculous is how many posters are accusing children of stealing. If you live in a home where you are treated with respect, you
are not told that you are “stealing” when you eat more food than you should, or eat treats that were intended for another day etc

Totally agree @Floomobal .The accusatory nature of some peoples parenting will produce anxious children/adults. Then parents are confused why their kids end up like this

Yep. My own kid cannot "steal" food from her own house

Found the evidence? Weird terminology . Your children will grow up resenting you with that attitude. Give them the money back ffs. Have a word with yourself.

Of course if someone stole their Mother's jewellery and sold it at school then it would be theft in my eyes.

If someone took a babybell, granola bar, crisps or whatever and ate it themselves then i wouldnt class that as theft.

I am really hoping that this is a really stupid joke as many children are being shamed and food being withheld.

Agree with this.

But also how strange.

I honestly think that this is a complete 'joke' thread.

If it isn't a joke then maybe if your husband is in such a physical job that he needs the kids snacks and there isnt enough to go round. He could do protein shakes instead of eating the kids snacks as they are great and i can assure you that 'his snacks' wont be eaten by the kids.

Mine have free access, I warn them when they are eating too many sweets, and it works

What if it didn't work? What if they carried on eating sweets after you'd warned them? Surely at some point you'd stop them? I don't believe that any parent on here who says that their child has free access to food actually means that they'd let their child eat anything they want at any time. ALL parents restrict what their child eats in some way (or at least they should do!). It's a parents job to help their child eat a good balance of foods, and this means that sometimes you have to say no to a child when they want yet another chocolate bar. Or even stop them from eating too much fruit, and offering something else instead! It's all about balance.