I made my kids pay for the food they took

[piqueen]

Did I go too far?
I took their Christmas money to replace the sweets and treats they took. We do a big shop once a month and I buy all the chocolates/ crisps and other cupboard bits for the month. These are for lunchboxes for the kids, dh and for picnics on the weekend (or pack lunches for days out) , also biscuits and breakfast bars. You know, the good stuff?
I did the shop on the 1st and by the 3rd I thought, the cupboard looked a bit empty on the 3rd (so 2 days) and by the 6th I definitely knew something was up.
The boxes of cereal bars were empty (but still stacked so first glance there is non missing), all the chocolate had gone, the biscuits had been opened and eaten.

me and dh did a big clear out of their room and moved the furniture around. We found all the evidence, evidence which included loads of fridge snacks too. Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell which the wax has got stuck in the carpet.
I was so pissed off i took the kids Xmas money and have been using it to replace the items for DHs lunch only. The kids are having no treats in their lunch and I'm only buying fruit.

The reason we do a big shop is because I don't drive so I get a taxi once a month to keep costs down. (it's cheaper to shop at aldi and pay £10 once a month than shop in sainsburies every week, so I bulk buy aldi and top up at the more expensive shop) The kids have obviously been doing this for some time as there was so much rubbish behind and under the wardrobe.

It's been 2 weeks since I took their money but I feel so guilty. They only get a little bit (it was £40 between them) and they are only 9 and 10 but, also they stole a month's worth of treats for everyone (dh works in a physical job so he gets easy bars he can stick I his pocket, sometimes he is doing a 12 hour shift, very labour intensive and no chance to nip to mcdonalds)

I'm going back and forth between
'actions have consequences' and
'kids will be kids'

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Yabu - give the money back
Yanbu - they should pay for the food they took

Sounds like somebody should be alerting social services to the regime in your house. Kids having to steal food and their Christmas money taken to pay for it. Or maybe a course in parenting skills

This is possibly the most batshit crazy thing I've ever read on Mumsnet. Alerting social services because kids took too many treats? I'm pretty sure that social services would not be in the remotest bit interested.

And in what world are Frubes and Cheesestrings a healthy snack? They're highly processed, expensive treats, and should most certainly be limited.

My older sibling did this, then claimed it was me. We both got in trouble, and I'd done nothing. I would be very careful about assuming it's actually both of your children, you may have stolen one's pocket money who did nothing at all.

It's worth chatting more with them about snacks they can have as much as they like of; toast, potato waffles, crumpets, pre-baked potatoes warmed in the microwave etc are great for filling a post-school hole, but not very expensive. Mix up batter with them so they clearly how to make quick pancakes. Separate (locked) treat boxes might also be a good watch forward.

I got that. Is there a reason why he needs to eat fast food or sweets? Because he does a physical job? yeah, that doesn't help him to have energy.

I think you have misread the poster you quoted, they commented on your husband being allowed junk food from macdonalds but your children can’t eat the food in their own home.

I think you are despicable to steal your children’s money and deny them access to food. My parents did this too, they would serve themselves dessert when we weren’t allowed, biscuits and treats just for them. I was as skinny as a rake when I was a child, I used to think I was naturally skinny, now I know I am not! At least my parents never stooped so low as to take Christmas money off me. Anyway carry on as you are. Your kids will be NC with you in ten or fifteen years, I can promise you that

Apologies for the long post but I genuinely think a few things needs addressing.

To start with - Honestly, some of the replies you’ve received on this thread is absolutely mind-blowing. If half of the posters on here are real and not on a wind up it’s not hard to see why the youth of today are becoming so entitled and have no boundaries. As some PP have said I struggle to believe people do give their children unrestricted access to junk food and yes - Babybels are not real cheese and Frubes are so full of sugar they don’t class in my eyes as yoghurt - they are the perfect snacks for children and adults alike. Not judging, I love junk food as much as the next person.

Children have very little impulse control, and nor do a lot of adults. I don’t for a single second think OP’s kids are deprived, starved or abused. Children also love sugary, salty snacks that are high in sugar and fat. These types of foods are typically have a high glycemic index. This means for all you low on the science knowledge spectrum, high on the pearl clutching spectrum; you can eat an unusually high amount of these foods without feeling full. The sugar spikes your blood sugar levels making you want more. Foods with a high glycemic index screws with your ghrelin and leptin hormones that control how hungry and full you are making you able to eat a load of shit before you feel full up. Good thing is OP your kids are probably sick to death of these sorts of snacks and will have a valuable lesson learned.

Another very common trait in children is lying or hiding evidence to save getting a bollocking when they know they’ve done something wrong. For normal families with parents who have boundaries we try and limit these foods so our kids don’t end up obese like a lot of children are these days. Nothing to do with abuse, food restrictions or creating unhealthy relationships for our children with food. So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset when your kids deceptively eat all the snacks in the house for an entire month when they know they’re not supposed to and yeah, that does count as stealing. It’s treat food not healthy snacks and I’d expect my DC to ask for it. It’s just basic manners. My 12 year old DS eats a healthy balance diet with good meals and snacks. He’s allowed to take as many healthy snacks as he wants but has to ask for any junk ones. I can sleep safely knowing I can say no to his request for a chocolate bar when needed and know he’s not going to stab me and step over my lifeless, dying body to make himself a haribo sandwich.

In short OP YANBU, but as others have said instead of taking their money just don’t replace their snacks for a month. They won’t do it again any time soon.

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous. The OP is not starving her children, and they do not sound deprived - she is parenting them! OP I agree that there should be consequences, but I would also try not to have too much snack type food in the house. If I have snacks in the cupboard I will eat them - not because I'm hungry but because I like them, and children love sugary snacks too!

If they had just eaten their snacks then going without would be punishment enough but I can see why you were cross yours was eaten too. I’d probably knock buying the junk on the head then it stops it being an issue. Good chance to have a think as a family.
Would they help bake on a weekend - tray baked like flapjacks are good for lunch boxes and cheap and easy. Savoury stuff like cheese scones or egg muffins.
Cheese is could be one child’s job to portion it out from a block much cheaper than cheese strings/babybel.
Yoghurts same - decant big one into little pots not frubes.
I used to make packed lunches for everyone from that age.

If this is the case for OP why on earth is she spending £40 on frubes and babybels? that doesn't seem a good use of a limited food budget.

Respectfully, we don't 'all' have to control are children's eating habits as much as this and you probably want it to be true to prove your theory but not all children that have access to all types of food cannot self regulate and are obese. My DC are very thin, in fact despite having free access to all food my youngest will sometimes not eat if she is too busy with something else that she sees as more important to do.

Yes Scrooge, that was a really horrible thing to do. I can’t believe you even have to ask whether you should give it back!

Omg the* *responses on the first page are so hyperbolic. I've seen loads of threads on MN along the lines of "should I stop buying treats on the weekly shop because they're all gone by the weekend".

Looks like they thought they could get away with stealing snacks. My boy eats like a horse as he's very athletic, I feed him extra ad lib, provided he will eat stuff like cheese, fruit, etc. But sometimes kids try for extra snacks and I've caught him sneaking into the kitchen!

Not just the kids but me and DP will dip into snacks sometimes too, it's annoying when you're budgeting and planning. It's especially a nightmare in our house with yoghurts. I've taken to hiding yoghurts needed for particular lunches/picnics at the back of the veg draw!

They know they're not allowed to take stuff without asking though and while I've never had a big problem with people actively hiding the fact they're taking snacks, it is easier to keep them out of sight. For adults and children alike, the temptation of snack/junk food can be hard to resist. .

OP feed them a bit more* if they're *genuinely hungry and get an opaque box to go on top of your cupboards/fridge for snacks. I totally get it, I buy a certain amount with an expectation it will cover a certain period.

And if it is not 'real' cheese what is it? Also, if you are seeing this as junk, where is the 'actual' cheese and yoghurts?

I stopped reading at "babybels are not real cheese".

They are literally just cheese, no more or less ingredients than other cheeses.

I thought it was pretty well established that giving children freedom and autonomy surrounding food and food choices encouraged much healthier eating patterns, and heavily restricting food or certain kids of foods can lead to bad regulation as adults which can lead to disordered eating at both ends of the scale. Similar to making kids clear their plates. Yes, they have little impluse control and need consistent boundaries and frameworks, but there's a balance.

Also, it's sad you think children are by their nature deceitful and liars. That is not my experience of children.

A silly comparison. Eating food is nothing like taking and selling jewellery.

@Zoreos352 “a few things need addressing…. Babybels are not real cheese”

FFS.

Isn't babybel just mini Edam?

You might be surprised that Babybel is “made by a traditional cheese-making process, using just 4 ingredients for Babybel Original and Light: Milk, lactic ferments, vegetarian rennet and salt”

It’s cheese. More expensive than cutting an equivalent bit off a large block, but it’s cheese.

I don't even know if the lesson has sunk in because they have been eating loads of fruit instead now which is better but obviously costs more than chocolate bars and the price if everything is going up I'm wondering if I'm being too harsh

Reading your full OP though, a couple of issues are a little problematic IMO. I personally have a principle of never using Christmas gifts as a punishment, e.g. threatening no presents or removal of presents.

Also the above quote is a bit backwards. I wouldn't consider the fact that they've got used to a healthier diet as being indicative of you being too harsh. As a fellow mum who needs to budget carefully and struggles with the rising cost of food, fresh fruit is expensive and if I have unexpectedly low funds it's the first thing to come off the list (above the basic and cheap apples and bananas). But if it's at all possible I wouldn't revert to feeding them mainly snack based lunches, keep up the fruit, and don't impart the view on them that fruit = punishment, snacks = treat.

Surely the point with the Babybel and Frubes etc is not that they're massively unhealthy or not 'real food', it's that they're really expensive and are seen BY KIDS as treats. Most kids are going to want to take in the expensive treat versions that all their classmates have rather than decanted Greek yoghurt/chunks of cheddar wrapped in foil or whatever - but the reality is many people cannot afford to have a limitless supply of Babybel.

I have 4 boys and if I allowed them to just help themselves to anything in the kitchen whenever I would have no food. It’s expensive and if I buy stuff for packed lunches or snack time I don’t expect them to scoff it all in one or 2 days. There is no regime just the expectation that they don’t clear out the house of food in 2 days so yes they ask and they get plenty meals etc no one is hungry. My 13 year old seems to think he’s hungry 24/7 as that’s all I hear but it’s boredom/greed at times.
i I wouldn’t expect them to pay for it but I would be restricting where I leave it so stop them hoovering it up.

That's completely fair. Lunch type food is really expensive. The amount of money over the small years of my DC's life on baby bells, those pre cooked grilled chicken fillets, yoghurts, all those nice looking treats, is insane. I do agree.

Frubes, cheesestring, baby bell

These aren't foods that kids would usually steal. It suggests that they are hungry. You have to let them eat as much as they need, not how much you think they should be eating. they will self-regulate over time. Are you worried that they might turn overweight? It is a common thing nowadays because we are scred into thinking that we are on a slippery slope as a nation. Doing a shop once a month is also odd.

I didn’t say we “all” have to but the statistics on childhood obesity and how much of a strain it puts on the NHS are well-documented. Many schools have introduced monitoring of weight for children in primary school for this exact reason. It’s desperately sad but it’s true. I didn’t say “every single child given the opportunity to junk will definitely be obese and will definitely have health problems” but many do and I believe it’s sensible to be proactive protecting our children’s health. You give your children full access to all foods and they chose not to, that is great genuinely. However, many, many children do not and that’s not abnormal. Your response is very much “that’s not happened to my child so it’s not an issue” and that’s not really the correct way to look at it if you do the research. Excuse the flippancy but I could in theory jump off a bridge and miraculously survive but it doesn’t mean the majority of people would. I am fully open to being corrected when wrong and believe everyone can learn new things at whatever age but I didn’t say what I said because I take a deep pleasure in being right, just that it’s such a common problem it needs regulating. It’s not a crime to err on the side of caution. The Mumsnet AIBU section really does bring out the most obscure single- minded people.

YANBU

Its a life lesson for the kids OP, if you are soft on them and give in because your feeling guilty then they won't learn nothing from it.

At the ages of 9 and 10, kids know the difference between right and wrong, the chances of them stealing food again will be reduced considerably.