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Original poster

To make my teen use birthday money to replace my things!

176 replies

Blockfr · 20/03/2023 23:17

My hair has been really damaged due to colouring. I brought some expensive shampoo and conditioner to help out, i have only used it once. I explained to my teen its for my hair and its expensive. She has long curly hair and i’m always buying things for her hair. Today i went to get in the shower saw both bottles of my shampoo and conditioner lying down with the lids off and it literally going down the drain.

I feel really annoyed! Its not just the fact she has used it without asking but to not have enough respect to even look after it! Half the bottles gone now. She recently had her birthday and has money. Am I unreasonable to say she needs to replace them with her money

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 21/03/2023 16:30

She's still young, she has plenty of time to become a responsible adult

mathanxiety · 21/03/2023 22:34

I disagree that she's still young and has time.

Everything she is going to be, she is turning into right now.

She clearly needs some very clear demonstrations that there are consequences to choices.

RedSoloCup · 21/03/2023 22:50

I did this with DD1 who just lost everything constantly I made her buy new PE kit when she lost it, I did feel bad but I had more than warned her

PollyPut · 21/03/2023 22:55

I'd ask her to replace one bottle if she wasted half of two bottles. Might make her think in future

SeulementUneFois · 22/03/2023 07:21

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 21/03/2023 08:28

  1. Put the expensive shampoo away. A lockable suitcase is ideal.
  1. Either get her to spend her birthday money on replacing it or massively reduce food spending for a couple of weeks to "save up" for a replacement. In a similar situation a friend only provided bread, apples and carrot sticks for a week. Just tap water to drink. Absolutely nothing else. She never had the problem again.

This OP

TrashyPanda · 22/03/2023 08:27

If she had done this in a friends house, had let expensive hair products run down the drain, you wouldn’t be thinking twice about making her pay for it out of her own pocket.

she isn’t a little kid.

she needs to respect other peoples and their property.

Stravawindow · 22/03/2023 12:22

No idea where you are OP but this was talked about on our local breakfast show on the radio this morning. Edinburgh - Forth one.

Stravawindow · 22/03/2023 12:30

Also on the daily Mail OP.

Original poster
Blockfr · 22/03/2023 13:15

Oh my god! What on earth all over some shampoo! Eeek i’m glad she doesnt read the daily mail

OP posts:
Original poster
Blockfr · 22/03/2023 13:18

Also absolutely hate the daily mail. And it wasnt just shampoo it was conditioner too! 😂

OP posts:
Hawkins003 · 22/03/2023 18:00

Blockfr · 20/03/2023 23:25

she’s just turned 15, it feels like i say things like this daily. She’s constantly doing things i have to correct her about. I understand she’s learning but she just leaves a trail of destruction. Its like she doesnt care because she knows I will pick it up

At 15, you know I'f it's not your shampoo then why use it?

Hawkins003 · 22/03/2023 18:00

Blockfr · 22/03/2023 13:18

Also absolutely hate the daily mail. And it wasnt just shampoo it was conditioner too! 😂

The horror

CatsnCoffee · 22/03/2023 18:25

So you’ve taught her that there’s no need to look after things since you’ll step in and replace them.

pinksheetss · 22/03/2023 18:44

If she has £500 birthday money to spend still then she can replace it out of that

shellyleppard · 22/03/2023 18:54

Then stop picking up after her??? Then she might learn some responsibility x

TimeForMeToF1y · 22/03/2023 19:00

You sound nice and sensible OP, your daughter on the other hand does sound like a brat even though you say she isnt

She's not 5, why does she behave like a little child? I think you've made a rod for your own back unfortunately, nothing you can do about her dad's side of family but you can model good parenting and hopefully she'll realise that behaving like a spoilt brat is unacceptable

Kteeb1 · 22/03/2023 19:13

She should replace it. Teenagers are am absolute flipping nightmare for carelessness like this and only hitting them where they will remember it works!!

Iseestupidpeople · 22/03/2023 19:55

Time to make her buy her own toiletries. Give her small budget and see how far she gets with this.

AllyArty · 22/03/2023 19:58

I think you should ask her for a contribution towards buying your next shampoo & conditioner.

jannier · 22/03/2023 20:32

Blockfr · 20/03/2023 23:30

Literally £40 down the drain. I don’t understand how she doesnt get it. She’s reckless with phones, laptops, her room. And every time i’ve replaced and fixed this for her.

I hope you're replacing with basic functional secondhand models. Sounds like she needs to learn the value of things. You especially told her not to and she has her own...yep she would replace it by using half her pocket money each week.

Harls1969 · 22/03/2023 21:02

I'd stop replacing things she's broken. I have a family member who used to break/damage things when they decided they wanted the newer model etc. They are still spoilt and selfish as an adult sadly

Mamanyt · 22/03/2023 23:10

Blockfr · 20/03/2023 23:30

Literally £40 down the drain. I don’t understand how she doesnt get it. She’s reckless with phones, laptops, her room. And every time i’ve replaced and fixed this for her.

There's an old saying, "You teach people how to treat you." It isn't too late to change this. Make her responsible for what she damages...starting with the shampoo. Tell her that you will no longer be fixing things that she has damaged through carelessness...then stick to that! There will be tears, tantrums, and possibly an "I HATE YOU" thrown about for a bit, but don't let that sway you. And if the dreaded "I HATE YOU" happens, the best answer I've found is, "I'm sorry, I love you so much, but my job is to help you become a responsible adult."

Imy06 · 24/03/2023 23:56

I bought myself some nice shampoo as a treat a couple of weeks ago and accidentally left it out one day and my toddler squirted loads of it out in the bath tub. Obviously I can't explain to him why it's important to me, but I was wondering when I would be able to buy nice shampoo and be able to keep it to myself without having to hide it somewhere. Now I know, especially with a little girl on the way, there's quite a few years to go yet 😂
I think getting your daughter to replace it seems like a logical consequence

stevec711 · 27/03/2023 17:32

Make her buy new bottles for you, but also give her the remaining part of the products that she used. Only fair.

BusyMum47 · 27/03/2023 17:55

FirstFallopians · 20/03/2023 23:38

Yes, I’d be expecting some kind of contrition and a contribution to replacements.

I remember being 15- a bollocking from my parents would have made zero impact, and I was generally a good kid. Losing some of my birthday money however, would’ve been an actual consequence that would have given me pause for thought next time I was being careless with my mum’s stuff.

This! ⬆️ She'll only learn & stop being thoughtless if there are proper consequences so I'd definitely make her pay me back for at least half the cost! And I'd do it every time she fails to look after things. Every time. She may 'hate' you at the time but she's a teenager - she'll get over it & you'll be making her a better person!!