To make my teen use birthday money to replace my things!

[Blockfr]

My hair has been really damaged due to colouring. I brought some expensive shampoo and conditioner to help out, i have only used it once. I explained to my teen its for my hair and its expensive. She has long curly hair and i’m always buying things for her hair. Today i went to get in the shower saw both bottles of my shampoo and conditioner lying down with the lids off and it literally going down the drain.

I feel really annoyed! Its not just the fact she has used it without asking but to not have enough respect to even look after it! Half the bottles gone now. She recently had her birthday and has money. Am I unreasonable to say she needs to replace them with her money

[UWhatNow]

No. What’s wrong with a good old fashioned bollocking topped off with a ‘I’m not angry just very disappointed’ cherry on top?

We were all dumb teenagers once!

[Clymene]

How old is she?

[Blockfr]

she’s just turned 15, it feels like i say things like this daily. She’s constantly doing things i have to correct her about. I understand she’s learning but she just leaves a trail of destruction. Its like she doesnt care because she knows I will pick it up

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

I’d do a bollocking with how very disappointing I found it after I asked her not to use it.

[MumOf2workOptions]

No I'd be telling her she needs to replace it definately

[Blockfr]

Literally £40 down the drain. I don’t understand how she doesnt get it. She’s reckless with phones, laptops, her room. And every time i’ve replaced and fixed this for her.

[ImSweetEnoughDarlin]

I'd make her replace it.

[Nailsandthesea]

Yes of course lessons need to be learnt the hard way

[TomatoSandwiches]

She will only learn if her actions inconvenience her so yes I would make her pay for a replacement, or stop pocket money until the debt was paid.

[FirstFallopians]

Yes, I’d be expecting some kind of contrition and a contribution to replacements.

I remember being 15- a bollocking from my parents would have made zero impact, and I was generally a good kid. Losing some of my birthday money however, would’ve been an actual consequence that would have given me pause for thought next time I was being careless with my mum’s stuff.

[MrsBennetsPoorNerves]

Is the birthday money from you or from someone else? Honestly, I'd be pretty pissed off if I had given a child money for her birthday and he mum was insisting that it be used for something like this, and I would ensure that I didn't give cash again.

I think it's mean to make her use her birthday money in any case. If you want to make a point, can you get her to earn the cash back instead?

[echt]

@Blockfr

Literally £40 down the drain. I don’t understand how she doesnt get it. She’s reckless with phones, laptops, her room. And every time i’ve replaced and fixed this for her.

There you go. Stop replacing/repairing. Take it out her pocket money.

[Blockfr]

She literally does nothing to get pocket money. I’ve written a chore chart, i’ve offered far too much money to do things in the house. She never cleans up after herself. It would be an absolute headache to get her to do things she should be doing anyway, then offer her my own money to give back to me

[Fromwetome]

@Blockfr

Literally £40 down the drain. I don’t understand how she doesnt get it. She’s reckless with phones, laptops, her room. And every time i’ve replaced and fixed this for her.

You don't understand how she doesn't get it?? Come on OP you answered your self the very sentence after wondering why she doesn't get it. Because she doesn't need to!! Mummy is there to fix everything she trashes. There are no natural consequences for her actions. She wasted your expensive toiletries so the natural consequence is she replaces it. And the next time she ruins something you bought her, then she works around the house, does jobs until she can afford to fix it. How can you be confused about her behaviour when she has no experience of consequences?

[nodogz]

Can't you sit down with her and tell her carelessness has damaged someone else's stuff and ask her what she thinks is fair to make amends?

This seems to force kids to think about their thoughtless behaviour and they follow through with the resolution they choose. Mine are really hard on themselves! She might choose to replace the bottle or clean the bathroom.

A foster carer told me about this, I was bloody amazed how well it works on my kids

[Vanderlayinfustries]

You're not being unreasonable but if probably take it from pocket money not birthday month. I would make her clean the bathroom daily to earn the pocket money then so she remembers what she did while she cleans up.

[FatYogaLady]

No she definitely needs to feel the loss. Ridiculous. She just thinks she can get away with whatever she wants. There needs to be a consequence.

[FatYogaLady]

Honestly very immature behaviour fun a 15 year old. My sister's and I definitely didn't do things like this at her age. Then again we didn't have a lot so we were taught early on to respect things that cost money. Stop replacing and repairing the smart devices. She sounds a bit spoiled if I'm being honest. Should learn the hard way that it doesn't all grow on trees!

[Maves]

If I'm honest I wouldn't have left £40 worth of shot within reach if you know what she's like?! Just tell her she ain't having pocket money for a bit.....and you've learnt your lesson for next time

[Emotionalstorm]

It sounds like it went wrong way before this incident. How did your daughter end up this bad?

[momonpurpose]

We must have the same daughter. Yes to make her pay out of her birthday money. I have started doing this too

[snitzelvoncrumb]

I wouldn’t take her birthday money, I would give her the option to pay you back with jobs. If she won’t do that then next time she needs new clothes buy her cheaper ones and say oh I don’t have any more to spend as you wasted all my shampoo. It lets her see the consequences of her actions, but isn’t too harsh.

[NumberTheory]

If this is just one more in a line of similar behaviour and you haven't been making her pay up til now, I think it's a good idea. But I wouldn't make it a one off. I'd sit down, tell her it's time she took more responsibility for the damage she causes and lay out some clearer expectations, along with a requirement to replace your shampoo and conditioner, and a candid chat about what she needs to help her be more careful.

Just doing it as a one off with this particular item won't provide her with a structure to help her change. You need to be putting in place consistent support and consequences at the same time.

[tatteddear]

I've got one like this. I've taken to hiding my stuff so she can't get at it as no consequences, financial or other made a bit of difference. Its absolutely infuriating when you go to use something and it's not there or there is none left.

[Spindles83]

Replacing the bottle is a natural consequence, hopefully it will be a good lesson and she'll be more mindful in future.