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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NHS Domestic abuse interview at minor injuries unit

95 replies

justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:06

So OH goes to the unit this morning a nasty splinter under a fingernail.

He was taken to a room and interviewed. Was he physically abused by me. Was he mentally abused eg nagging, belittling.

It's really unsettled me to be honest. OH is a bit odd at times. Say I ask him to help me with something or do me a favour he shouts and says I'm gas lighting him. (A favourite expression of his these days)

The nurse then told him she'd had two men admit last week that they were being abused.

OH thinks social services would handle it if the NHS took it further.

AUBU to think he might have said something to them and there will be consequences. I'm really rattled to be honest.

OP posts:
Cloudhoppingdancer · 20/03/2023 22:07

Did he say you'd abused him??

SuperSleepyBaby · 20/03/2023 22:09

This seems a little strange.

why would he say something to them if he hadn’t been abused?

DashboardConfessional · 20/03/2023 22:09

Dangling the threat over you that he may or may not have told them this is emotional abuse in itself.

takealettermsjones · 20/03/2023 22:10

I don't understand this at all.

Are you abusing him? If not why would he say you are? Have you asked him what he said? Why is he talking about social services "taking it further" if he didn't say anything? If you're not abusing him why is he shouting about you gaslighting him?

Sorry. Confused.

Dacadactyl · 20/03/2023 22:10

I think if you are concerned your husband might lie to people about you abusing him, then your relationship is over anyway.

Deathbyfluffy · 20/03/2023 22:11

Dacadactyl · 20/03/2023 22:10

I think if you are concerned your husband might lie to people about you abusing him, then your relationship is over anyway.

How do you know he’s lying?

Hoppinggreen · 20/03/2023 22:13

Did he tell you this?
Sounds like bullshit

Lemonandorange · 20/03/2023 22:13

If he informed a health professional that he's being abused, they have a duty of care to pass it on to the proper authorities

Divorcedalongtime · 20/03/2023 22:13

Social services are big very likely to be super worried about two adults in a possibly toxic relationship. Are there kids involved and would he say they are being gaslit by you? Anyway, SS will
most likely just call you if at all.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2023 22:15

How did he get the splinter? How did he say he got it?

Tbf most people on MN are obsessed with labelling things gaslighting and have been for a while, it’s becoming a thing in other places too.

It all sounds very odd. And not a healthy relationship.

TeenLifeMum · 20/03/2023 22:15

Dh made a joke at one of my midwifery appointments - nothing major at all but I guess it looked like he was answering for me, maybe. He was just nervous/excited (dd1). Mw looked daggers at him. She gave a search on different forms of domestic abuse. After that, any appointment without dh involved a massive load of questions about controlling behaviour.

For context, dh would move to the other side of the world for me if I asked him to. I do all our banking (he has full access) and he in no way controls me. It was really weird but I’m sure it’s because of his jokey comment.

don’t worry about it. you know the truth and it’s an opportunity for those who need help to get it.

Dacadactyl · 20/03/2023 22:15

Deathbyfluffy · 20/03/2023 22:11

How do you know he’s lying?

Show quote history

Because why else would OP post on here about it?

Surely she knows if she's been abusive or not? And if shes been abusive then of course external agencies will get involved...particularly if there are children.

To me, it only makes sense for her to post if she thinks he might have made something up. It's obvious to me that they'll follow up otherwise, so she wouldnt be asking, if that makes sense.

FTMFML · 20/03/2023 22:16

This seems extremely odd.
a splinter under his nail? There would be no reason what so ever for a staff member to be asking these questions unless something else was brought up or they suspected for some other reason an abuse.

I work in a&e MIU unit.

Whydothat · 20/03/2023 22:17

Querying domestic abuse for a splinter is strange, yes. There are certain injuries which will automatically raise concerns but a splinter isn't usually one of them.
The relationship doesn't sound healthy from the limited information given.

Original poster
justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:18

He's 71 so no children involved. But he does have mood swings can go up like a rocket at times.

No I've never abused him he's a big strong man and frankly physically intimidating.

OP posts:
DistantSkye · 20/03/2023 22:20

Are you ok? How is your relationship in general? Do you feel intimidated by your partner either physically or emotionally?
It's hard to tell from the couple of posts you've given but something sounds way off here tbh.

MichelleScarn · 20/03/2023 22:22

Also not sure how.they got to DA from splinter under nail, (or why a&e for a splinter
...)
Were you there or could he be lying about being asked?

SuperSleepyBaby · 20/03/2023 22:22

Has he abused you?

BennyBlancofromtheBronx · 20/03/2023 22:24

Do you know this happened because he told you?

cushioncovers · 20/03/2023 22:26

He's elderly and so would be considered more at risk of being abused by family members. But it's a bit unusual to question him about DV over a splinter.

Original poster
justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:28

Well frankly the old guys he mixes with that I know are pretty curmudgeonly these days. Old age ain't pretty.

I don't think I'd get arrested the children now married have seen him lose the plot a few times shouting and ranting, it's all a bit embarrassing. I'm the placator. Anything for a quiet life.

He gets very stressed over financial stuff nowadays so I tend to do it all. We've had an issue with a tenant eviction needed I've had to do all the legal stuff. Had to when we moved house also. He used to get obsessed with money me wasting it. Adult kids wasting it. That's waned thank goodness. I've tactfully said it's not our business if they buy a new car, house etc.

OP posts:
Azerothi · 20/03/2023 22:30

Are you absolutely certain this is a true recollection from your boyfriend? Were you there?

Unless he said something I highly doubt it went in the way he says.

Colourfingers2 · 20/03/2023 22:31

Hospitals don’t ask us men if we’re being domestically abused no matter what injuries we present with because almost nobody believes that we can be. They might ask how it happened to see if it’s a health and safety issue but no more than that. Nobody has ever asked me if I was being domestically abused in half a century and believe me I’ve been through some.
He is talking through his ring piece you’ve nothing to worry about.

Original poster
justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:31

SuperSleepyBaby · 20/03/2023 22:22

Has he abused you?

A long time ago now. A few times more pushing, shoving, he shoved me into a fridge I fell was bruised. I snapped and said if he ever touched me again I would call the police. He never did.

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:34

BennyBlancofromtheBronx · 20/03/2023 22:24

Do you know this happened because he told you?

Yes he told me quite matter of factly this evening.

My DIL when pregnant was asked questions like this at the hospital. Maybe it's a Welsh government initiative.

OP posts: