Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NHS Domestic abuse interview at minor injuries unit

95 replies

justasking111 · 20/03/2023 22:06

So OH goes to the unit this morning a nasty splinter under a fingernail.

He was taken to a room and interviewed. Was he physically abused by me. Was he mentally abused eg nagging, belittling.

It's really unsettled me to be honest. OH is a bit odd at times. Say I ask him to help me with something or do me a favour he shouts and says I'm gas lighting him. (A favourite expression of his these days)

The nurse then told him she'd had two men admit last week that they were being abused.

OH thinks social services would handle it if the NHS took it further.

AUBU to think he might have said something to them and there will be consequences. I'm really rattled to be honest.

OP posts:
Grumpybutfunny · 21/03/2023 08:04

@Colourfingers2 oh they do ask men. DH is into contact sport and is very clumsy @JudgeRudy he's also fell out of a wheelie bin that I told him not to climb in so even have video evidence.

I've had to take him a few times as he hasn't been fit to drive and I always get asked to leave the room. We are both in the NHS and he actually stopped me leaving last time and told them outright it's not abuse on my part. It was a 6 foot 5 bloke that clawed his skin and broken his nose playing water polo!

monsterradeliciosa · 21/03/2023 08:08

Regardless of anything else, this relationship should end now for both of your mental wellbeing in my opinion based solely on this post.

Babooshka1990 · 21/03/2023 08:16

I think I get what you mean about your OH. My OH isn’t very good at resolving minor (normal) disagreements and will escalate things even if I don’t really say anything. I think it’s a reaction from being bullied in school. He’s said I’m ‘gaslighting’ when I’ve done nothing of the sort. And when he’s on one I’ve been told asking him to take the bin out is abusive!

The whole thing sounds weird. Why interview him for a splinter? Do you think he could be exaggerating
or making some of it up?

Kefir · 21/03/2023 08:19

monsterradeliciosa · 21/03/2023 08:08

Regardless of anything else, this relationship should end now for both of your mental wellbeing in my opinion based solely on this post.

You can't possibly say that after one post on mumsnet.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 21/03/2023 08:35

Babooshka1990 · 21/03/2023 08:16

I think I get what you mean about your OH. My OH isn’t very good at resolving minor (normal) disagreements and will escalate things even if I don’t really say anything. I think it’s a reaction from being bullied in school. He’s said I’m ‘gaslighting’ when I’ve done nothing of the sort. And when he’s on one I’ve been told asking him to take the bin out is abusive!

The whole thing sounds weird. Why interview him for a splinter? Do you think he could be exaggerating
or making some of it up?

How do you stick it? It’s so unreasonable. It must be shit to be married to someone like that.

Trainbear · 21/03/2023 08:39

Odd for a splinter but usual in general.

I broke my collarbone by slipping in the shower and was interrogated as to whether it was DH - did he push you? Hit you? Are you sure, men can be bad you know.
Now that abuse of men by partners is being brought up more it's an issue.

Babooshka1990 · 21/03/2023 08:54

@Doesthepopeshitinthewoods its only once in a blue moon and he’s usually brilliant, so I’ve accepted it as a trauma response he has. If it was
every week or something I couldn’t deal

SchoolTripDrama · 21/03/2023 09:25

JudgeRudy · 20/03/2023 22:36

I've had a few A&E incidents. I fell out of a wheelie bin and cracked my head (concusion) so got checked out. They seemed to believe my explanation. Next I tripped over a lead and broke my toe. No odd Qs. Last visit I'd popped into mums n she gave me a pairer knife (which I stupidly put in my jeans pocket). Forgot then at bed time when undressing thought 'oh what's that' and slashed my hand. At A&E l flagged up as 'regular' visiter....so head injury, broken bones and now knife injury. I was on my own and asked if there was anything else I wanted to add and that there was help if I needed it. When I got into a 'superglue accident' recently I was scared to go!
It possible your husband was asked about DA but I don't think splinters are usual signs. If he's ND or communicates in an unusual way people can mistake this for suspicious behavior.
If you've not abused your husband you've nothing to fear though I'd be pd up if anyone came to wuedtion me. DA isn't just physical. If he appeared anxious yd be 'cross,' or maybe he needed to get home to avoid 'trouble' they could be seen as signs too.
I think it's a good thing they're showing an interest.

Are you Me Bean?

SchoolTripDrama · 21/03/2023 09:25

*Mr Bean

SchoolTripDrama · 21/03/2023 09:26

Ponderingwindow · 20/03/2023 22:39

Different country, but every time we go to a&e or minor injuries, I get separated from DH and asked to fill out a form about abuse. We end up there fairly often because of dc medical condition. There are no indicators of abuse, it is standard procedure for every single patient.

it wouldn’t be a bad idea for them to offer the same screening to men.

My GP does a screening every time i come in as well. Not just for abuse. I have to assure them I am ok on a number of social issues like food security, utilities, and general home maintenance (nothing major like broken windows). They are supposed to refer patients to the appropriate support if there are issues.

Let me guess, you're in a European country?

SchoolTripDrama · 21/03/2023 09:31

@PinkButtercups Have you never heard of Adult Social Services?!?!?!

Heyhoitsme · 21/03/2023 09:34

I fell downstairs about 10 years ago. DH took me to hospital with suspected cracked ribs. The nurse sent him out of the room to ask searching questions about the incident. I explained I was alone in the house and had bagged up some clothing for charity. I was carrying them down when my slipper fell off and I slipped. She was satisfied that's what happened. I found it reassuring they were careful. A splinter seems a strange thing to be worried about.

dimorphism · 21/03/2023 09:54

<a class="break-all" href="https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victimpsychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victim" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victimpsychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victim

This might be useful, or maybe not, you decide OP.

I don't think it was particularly nice of your OH to mention this to you - do you think he intended you to worry about it?

It's quite standard to be asked about domestic abuse in a medical setting although given that actual real reports of domestic abuse, stalking, death threats and harrassment are routinely not followed up by police I do wonder what the point is.

Error Page

https://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victimhttps://psychcentral.com/pro/recovery-expert/2019/01/types-of-abusers-the-victim

dimorphism · 21/03/2023 09:55

I have no idea what happened with that link - google 'the victim' lundy bancroft.

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 13:05

SchoolTripDrama · 21/03/2023 09:25

Are you Me Bean?

Show quote history

@SchoolTripDrama @MrJollyLivesNextDoor
I was known as Miranda at my last job. Re the wheelie bin...I was trying to squash rubbish down so got in. I've also got stuck in a child's swing and nearly chocked on a tennis ball.....as an adult. ADHD 😜

Mirabai · 21/03/2023 13:48

A&E ask about abuse in cases of injuries that could feasibly been caused by it.

A splinter under the fingernail is not one of those.

Kerfuffler · 21/03/2023 14:16

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 13:05

@SchoolTripDrama @MrJollyLivesNextDoor
I was known as Miranda at my last job. Re the wheelie bin...I was trying to squash rubbish down so got in. I've also got stuck in a child's swing and nearly chocked on a tennis ball.....as an adult. ADHD 😜

Show quote history

How on earth does anyone get a tennis ball in their mouth to choke on in the first place??

MadeForThis · 21/03/2023 14:19

I'm guessing it's either standard procedure or he's made a stupid joke about how he got the splinter that set off alarm bells.

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 14:30

@Kerfuffler How on earth does anyone get a tennis ball in their mouth to choke on in the first place??

I put it there. I'd been told I had a big mouth and I wondered if it was big. The actual cavern (not lips) looked pretty big...about the size of.....then I spotted the tennis ball. I wonder if that TB will fit in my mouth. ....a lot of my mishaps start with "I wonder....". That's pretty standard for ADHD

QueenOfThorns · 21/03/2023 14:34

JudgeRudy · 21/03/2023 14:30

@Kerfuffler How on earth does anyone get a tennis ball in their mouth to choke on in the first place??

I put it there. I'd been told I had a big mouth and I wondered if it was big. The actual cavern (not lips) looked pretty big...about the size of.....then I spotted the tennis ball. I wonder if that TB will fit in my mouth. ....a lot of my mishaps start with "I wonder....". That's pretty standard for ADHD

My ex did something very similar with an oversized pickled onion, so you’re not alone!

I was wondering how you were planning to get out of the wheelie bin once you’d got in, or had you not thought that far ahead?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread