NHS Domestic abuse interview at minor injuries unit

[justasking111]

So OH goes to the unit this morning a nasty splinter under a fingernail.

He was taken to a room and interviewed. Was he physically abused by me. Was he mentally abused eg nagging, belittling.

It's really unsettled me to be honest. OH is a bit odd at times. Say I ask him to help me with something or do me a favour he shouts and says I'm gas lighting him. (A favourite expression of his these days)

The nurse then told him she'd had two men admit last week that they were being abused.

OH thinks social services would handle it if the NHS took it further.

AUBU to think he might have said something to them and there will be consequences. I'm really rattled to be honest.

I've had a few A&E incidents. I fell out of a wheelie bin and cracked my head (concusion) so got checked out. They seemed to believe my explanation. Next I tripped over a lead and broke my toe. No odd Qs. Last visit I'd popped into mums n she gave me a pairer knife (which I stupidly put in my jeans pocket). Forgot then at bed time when undressing thought 'oh what's that' and slashed my hand. At A&E l flagged up as 'regular' visiter....so head injury, broken bones and now knife injury. I was on my own and asked if there was anything else I wanted to add and that there was help if I needed it. When I got into a 'superglue accident' recently I was scared to go!
It possible your husband was asked about DA but I don't think splinters are usual signs. If he's ND or communicates in an unusual way people can mistake this for suspicious behavior.
If you've not abused your husband you've nothing to fear though I'd be pd up if anyone came to wuedtion me. DA isn't just physical. If he appeared anxious yd be 'cross,' or maybe he needed to get home to avoid 'trouble' they could be seen as signs too.
I think it's a good thing they're showing an interest.

Different country, but every time we go to a&e or minor injuries, I get separated from DH and asked to fill out a form about abuse. We end up there fairly often because of dc medical condition. There are no indicators of abuse, it is standard procedure for every single patient.

it wouldn’t be a bad idea for them to offer the same screening to men.

My GP does a screening every time i come in as well. Not just for abuse. I have to assure them I am ok on a number of social issues like food security, utilities, and general home maintenance (nothing major like broken windows). They are supposed to refer patients to the appropriate support if there are issues.

DA often increases/starts during pregnancy and postpartum. It went up during covid too.

Could he be getting dementia? My colleague talks much about her older sister who is in the early stages of dementia and the sister is very angry and suspicious of everyone and thinks people are trying to steal her money and clothes because she just doesn’t remember.

I don't believe him, honestly is nagging even an abuse? Because I thought nagging was the word used to shut women down when they put their own needs on the table or tell men how their behaviour makes us feel.

I thought the accusation of nagging was passive aggressive and closer to abuse in the real world than anything someone can say to be accused of nagging.
Happy to be told I'm wrong.

Well his memory is shocking but it always was. I've a son with ADHD and one with ADD. OH is like a Duracell bunny doesn't stop until his battery goes flat. From early morning until evening he has to be doing. He can never enjoy being in the moment has to be onto the next thing. It's made him successful in business. But in retirement it's exhausting.

I suspect I've been married to an ADHD man but didn't realise it until many years later. He's also dyslexic.

He has an unfortunate sense of humour which means he may have said something about me that will have alarmed the nurse. He's got into hot water before. When I was in labour he told the midwife to get a bucket of water in case a baby girl appeared 🙈. He said he got some fierce glares and a cold shoulder after that.

@JudgeRudy I know but it was very accusatory. If dh had been abusing me I’m not sure that approach would have been helpful.

Bloody hell @ the bucket of water comment

All very strange.

Also I wouldn't go to A&E for a splinter. Nurse at GP's at a push.

The nurse gave him some examples of abuse. One was "you're useless" or "You can't do anything right"

Now my late MIL was certainly guilty of this. But I've never even thought it let alone said it.

The last big row we had was him taking me to the hospital I wasn't allowed to drive so needed a lift. I was very anxious so said can we go now. He was on his phone watching a video. He went nuts shouting at me. I was in shock. I've now asked someone else in the family to take me because of this behaviour. They understood because they've seen him in action

Good job nobody went to A&E then.

When I was in labour he told the midwife to get a bucket of water in case a baby girl appeared 🙈

what’s with the cutesy monkey emoji after that disgusting ‘joke’?

Can't get into a GP here the receptionist would have suggested miu. I needed hospital X ray results recently. Receptionist said yes they had them and I was scheduled a phone call from the GP in two weeks time who would discuss the results.

I don’t believe a word of it OP - his story I mean.

And you believe him?

I know people do get asked if they're being abused, but that is under certain circumstances or after certain injuries. Not because they need a splinter removing and are otherwise presenting 'normally'.

I was thinking the same about dementia/alzheimers. But after your labour 'joke' and your examples of his behaviour, sounds like he's abusive and manipulative and has made this story up to worry you for his own entertainment. Sounds like a nasty man

Nagging is in the list of controlling behaviours yes.

I believe him. He's not a liar. But the way he talked about it I do wonder if he's put his foot in it again. He does have form especially in social situations.

Did you hear this questioning or is it just what he's telling you?

He sounds bloody awful op. You should've left him after the fridge incident.

No I wasn't there. He shot off there first thing this morning. Like I said he doesn't hang around. He said late last night he thought he should go. I said good idea. He must have been their first patient

Your DIL would've been asked about DV. They ask all pregnant women at their appointments. If your partner is there at every appointment they even find a way to take you out the room to ask the question. They have to now. It's nothing suspicious when you're pregnant. They have to ask.

That comment about the bucket of water is absolutely disgusting. It's not even funny.

I also don't think social services would get involved with adult DV, would they? I mean, your children are grown with their own houses.

He sounds like a story teller but I also think this whole thing just sounds a little odd.

It seems to me that, if this happened at all, it must have been because your partner said something. When I fell and generally mangled my face fairly recently, no-one took me aside and asked if DH had been punching me, and I guess I could be taken as vulnerable having just hit 70.

At my trust, we have to ask every single patient about potential abuse. It came in about 5 years ago. I always stress that it's something we have to ask every patient so we can tick yet another box. I do think it a good thing though, as you can't tell what it going on behind closed doors and for some people, coming to a hospital appointment might be a rare chance to be on their own.

That's what the nurse told OH What happens if you do flag it up?