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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping daughter off school?

96 replies

JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 18:58

Hi all, my 12 year old daughter is having major surgery on the 5th April and she's gonna be bed bound for 6 weeks. My partner has just left me (not her dad), her dad works away Monday-Friday but he does have a week off for the initial surgery and whilst she is in hospital.

I'm worried about when she gets home from the hospital post surgery how I'm going to get my youngest (5) to school and pick her up again. I have severe anxiety anyway and my mum usually does the school run for me but she has just started a new job and my partner has been doing it recently. He was going to do it post-surgery but has today said he can't do this anymore and has left.

I feel like I'm going to have to overcome my anxiety and get her to school for the next few weeks until the operation but following that, I really do not know how I'm going to manage it.

Should I keep her off school for the duration? This seems excessive but I don't know what else to do. I have no other family who can help.

Thanks

OP posts:
melj1213 · 20/03/2023 19:04

YABU

You can't keep your 5 yo off school for 6 weeks because of your anxiety - if nothing else the stress of the school being on your case (not to mention the fines!) will add to it.

You need to figure something out - whether it's asking a friend or neighbour to take her or hiring someone to do the school run (whether it's a local teenager or a childminder)

Original poster
JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 19:06

I didn't mean I would be keeping her off because of my anxiety, I'm going to get her there until the 5th April. It's the logistics of getting her there whilst my older daughter is unable to get out of bed. I literally have no friends or neighbours who can or would do it. Hiring someone is an option I hadn't thought of. Thank you

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 20/03/2023 19:07

I agree, you can't keep your 5yo off school for that period. You need to find another solution!

SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2023 19:08

JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 19:06

I didn't mean I would be keeping her off because of my anxiety, I'm going to get her there until the 5th April. It's the logistics of getting her there whilst my older daughter is unable to get out of bed. I literally have no friends or neighbours who can or would do it. Hiring someone is an option I hadn't thought of. Thank you

How far away is school?

berksandbeyond · 20/03/2023 19:08

How long is the school run? Your 12 year old will be okay at home with strict instructions not to do anything daft, and maybe a spare mobile phone or tablet to contact you? Any neighbours who could keep an eye. I work from home and would happily do this to help a neighbour out

JackGrealishsCalves · 20/03/2023 19:08

Surely you can leave your 12 yo to take the youngest to school and pick her up again assuming the school is local?

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 19:09

I'm really sorry you're going through such a bad time. Everything does seem to be happening all at once for you.
I honestly don't think it's fair to keep your DC off school for 6 weeks to be honest. You do have a couple of weeks to try get some things in place. Firstly is, if you haven't already, get an appointment to see GP about your anxiety.
As regards DC's operation- is there any real need for dad to be off work whilst she is actually in hospital? Could it be more helpful for him to take his time off once she is home and needing more care?
Do you have any friends or other family members who can help with school pick ups?
Is your youngest DC your recent ex's child? If so, regardless of you splitting up, he still has a responsibility towards childcare so talk to him again about continuing to do this school runs.
Lastly, if you feel you can 'get through' few weeks of doing school runs, you really might surprise yourself with how strong you really are and how much you can achieve. This might be the start of you making strides towards opening up your world and finding different ways to cope with your anxiety, but you can do this with the help of your GP and maybe some therapy - this can be done online,if that helps.
Good luck with everything 💐

Original poster
JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 19:09

SleepingStandingUp · 20/03/2023 19:08

How far away is school?

Show quote history

About 15 minutes away.

OP posts:
Notgotanyidea · 20/03/2023 19:09

I would speak to the school now and see if they can offer any suggestions.

OliviaPark · 20/03/2023 19:09

It is worth speaking to the school and seeing if they can assist in any way - I recently took a little girl in my son’s class to and from school for a couple of weeks as her Mum was unwell (school approached me and asked as they knew I lived very nearby). I was very happy to help.

EstellaHanclay · 20/03/2023 19:10

Is it a walk away? Ask one of the other school mums/dads that live nearby you. Offer to pay them as an incentive if necessary but if it were me I would happily walk your five year old to school and home for half a term .

SausageMonkey2 · 20/03/2023 19:10

I’m with @JackGrealishsCalves and @berksandbeyond depending what the 12yo is having done. Also school hold in early April so that will give you a break

Kaylisa · 20/03/2023 19:10

I would leave the 12yr old home alone and take the 5yr old

MelchiorsMistress · 20/03/2023 19:10

Your 5 year old can’t miss school because of her sister having an operation. She has a legal entitlement to be educated and you have a responsibility to get her there.

How long does the school run take? Surely a 12 year old could be left alone for long enough for you to drop off and pick up your other child.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 20/03/2023 19:10

JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 18:58

Hi all, my 12 year old daughter is having major surgery on the 5th April and she's gonna be bed bound for 6 weeks. My partner has just left me (not her dad), her dad works away Monday-Friday but he does have a week off for the initial surgery and whilst she is in hospital.

I'm worried about when she gets home from the hospital post surgery how I'm going to get my youngest (5) to school and pick her up again. I have severe anxiety anyway and my mum usually does the school run for me but she has just started a new job and my partner has been doing it recently. He was going to do it post-surgery but has today said he can't do this anymore and has left.

I feel like I'm going to have to overcome my anxiety and get her to school for the next few weeks until the operation but following that, I really do not know how I'm going to manage it.

Should I keep her off school for the duration? This seems excessive but I don't know what else to do. I have no other family who can help.

Thanks

Speak to your youngest school and explain the circumstances. Perhaps they may be able to get some intervention in place to help. You simply cannot be in 2 places at once.

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 20/03/2023 19:11

You can leave the 12 year old for 30 mins!

cestlavielife · 20/03/2023 19:11

Talk to the school
Talk to social servives if you dont get anywhere with school

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 20/03/2023 19:11

Leave the 12yo at home for the 30 mins twice a day it'll take the do the school run. The 12yo will be fine.

MavisMcMinty · 20/03/2023 19:11

Your bed-bound 12-year old will be fine on her own for the duration of the school run, don’t worry. Honestly, what do you think will happen? Yeah she might fall out of bed but she could do that while you’re in the house.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 19:11

Apologies, my post crossed with a lot of others. I assumed OP meant she couldn't do school runs because of anxiety. I agree with others, I think 12 year old can be left for 30 minutes while you take youngest to school

MavisMcMinty · 20/03/2023 19:12

Sorry about your partner though. x

Anotheroverreaction · 20/03/2023 19:13

When I was 12 I used to take my little sister to school on my way to the bus. I’m only 35 so not too long ago - I can’t understand why your 12 year old can’t be left in bed for 30 mins twice a day? What’s the back story there because that sounds highly unusual

Hobnobswantshernameback · 20/03/2023 19:14

Surely a sensible 12 year old could be left
Or am I missing something?

melj1213 · 20/03/2023 19:14

JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 19:06

I didn't mean I would be keeping her off because of my anxiety, I'm going to get her there until the 5th April. It's the logistics of getting her there whilst my older daughter is unable to get out of bed. I literally have no friends or neighbours who can or would do it. Hiring someone is an option I hadn't thought of. Thank you

Apologies, the way your OP was worded it sounded like your issue was that there was nobody to take the youngest to school due to your anxiety, not that you didn't want to leave the 12yo.

TBH whilst my advice still stands, your 12yo should be more than capable of being left alone for the 15 mins you need to take your youngest to school and back - make sure she has a snack/drink to hand along with a phone for any emergency, check that she doesn't need help to go to the loo before you leave and then just go and leave her to it

VariationsonaTheme · 20/03/2023 19:15

Usually I wouldn’t hesitate to say leave the 12 yo, but if she’s literally bed bound, unable to move and couldn’t evacuate in a fire or other disaster, then she shouldn’t be left alone. If she could get herself out in an emergency then yes, leave her and go do the school run.

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