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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Keeping daughter off school?

96 replies

JoanneH12 · 20/03/2023 18:58

Hi all, my 12 year old daughter is having major surgery on the 5th April and she's gonna be bed bound for 6 weeks. My partner has just left me (not her dad), her dad works away Monday-Friday but he does have a week off for the initial surgery and whilst she is in hospital.

I'm worried about when she gets home from the hospital post surgery how I'm going to get my youngest (5) to school and pick her up again. I have severe anxiety anyway and my mum usually does the school run for me but she has just started a new job and my partner has been doing it recently. He was going to do it post-surgery but has today said he can't do this anymore and has left.

I feel like I'm going to have to overcome my anxiety and get her to school for the next few weeks until the operation but following that, I really do not know how I'm going to manage it.

Should I keep her off school for the duration? This seems excessive but I don't know what else to do. I have no other family who can help.

Thanks

OP posts:

23Elfie · 20/03/2023 20:17

You could contact the school and the local council and ask about school transport. Lots of councils have taxi drivers who do school runs for able bodied children and those who are not. They would all be DBS checked and have a passenger assistant with them - it might be an option?

Cocobutt · 20/03/2023 20:18

Can you look into a childminder, walking bus or any other parent going that way and ask them to take your youngest.

You could take your youngest to a certain point and then drop them off with the other parents going that way.

There may even be a staff member that walks that way which would be willing to take your youngest.

You could contact the school or put a post on the school Facebook page and explain.

Youdoyoubabe · 20/03/2023 20:19

I would leave a 12 year old recovering from surgery at home for the half hour or hour it takes to take your little one to school. Unless the 12 year old needs constant watching. Even in hospital they would not get contstant attention though.

GingerBoot · 20/03/2023 20:19

@JudgeRudy terrible judge if you can't be bothered to read the whole thread and gather all the information before posting opinion that is no longer relevant, knowing what we know now

itsgettingweird · 20/03/2023 20:22

Os school over 2 miles away? Have a look at your councils criteria for transport. Also can your cpn support you getting a social worker? Your eldest is entities anyway - have a look at contact website for support with this.

The other option is using a wheelchair. It's Easter holidays when her op is done and the following week she may be able to be transferred to a wheelchair? I'm assuming they've given you support re moving, hoisting, positioning etc during the 6 weeks? If they haven't regardless of school runs you need this advice or she risks pressure sores/ ulcers.

But other than that sounds really tough.

WandaWonder · 20/03/2023 20:23

Why can't you leave a 12 year old for 30 mins?

itsgettingweird · 20/03/2023 20:24

WandaWonder · 20/03/2023 20:23

Why can't you leave a 12 year old for 30 mins?

Read the thread. Then you'll know

LolaSmiles · 20/03/2023 20:26

You'll need to look at a childminder to do the school run for your youngest, or ask the school if they can refer you to somewhere that might be able to help
The dad might be better help being off once DC is home from hospital rather than when she is in hospital and that way he can be practically involved in her care.

He might also need to take additional parental leave or speak about some flexibility over this time. The children are as much his responsibility as the OP's and one child shouldn't be missing weeks of school because their parents hadn't found a solution (not a dig, just pointing out there's two parents not just OP).

Hiddenvoice · 20/03/2023 20:30

I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, anxiety is the worst.

Contact the school, let them know about the sibling surgery and explain the difficulty you have getting the younger child to and from school. In my school we have children who arrive to school in supervised taxis- a member of social services or our support staff collect and drop off the child at the beginning and end of the school day. There is usually about 3 children in the taxi. Speak to the school, contact social services and ask for support and speak to the father. Could he take a little longer off to support you in helping his children?

Ineedsleepandcoffee · 20/03/2023 20:32

I would suggest looking to see what help is available locally. There may be community groups who could help. Speak to the school to see if they can provide any help. They may be able to advise on a chaperoned taxi for example. Perhaps a local childminder would do it for a fee. You could also check carers link for advice.

CocoKenny · 20/03/2023 20:35

Please speak to the school. They should offer some short term support. Please don't just keep any child away from school.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 20/03/2023 20:39

I'd ask school if they could ask a parent who lives close by if they would be willing to take the 5 year old to school and back. I know if school approached me I would help out willingly x

Soapboxqueen · 20/03/2023 20:49

If the school have breakfast club and after school club, could her dad not take her before and after work?

WonderingWanda · 20/03/2023 21:09

Op, I think given the epilepsy you should get yourself a social worker and ask for help with either carers to come and watch your older dd while you do the school run or transport for your youngest. Even if her epilepsy is well controlled, the fact that she will have 2 broken legs and won't be able to walk on crutches is a massive safety risk. I can totally understand why this is stressing you out.

www.gov.uk/help-for-disabled-child

cestlavielife · 20/03/2023 21:43

Speak to social worker children with diszbilities service
It s short term at home care
Should not be an issue to send someone 2 x a day

Murdoch1949 · 21/03/2023 02:53

I think you should talk to the school about this. Explain the dilemma. They may have someone who passes your house, or could recommend a local taxi firm with accreditation. There may be a PTA member who could help. Ask. You've got nothing to lose.

Maray1967 · 21/03/2023 06:30

It is absolutely fine to leave a 12 year old in the house by themselves for short periods of time. Mine both let themselves in after school for 2 days a week in the days I worked full days at that age.
On a practical level, make sure she’s been to the toilet before you leave and she’ll be fine in bed for 30 mins.

Maray1967 · 21/03/2023 06:32

Just seen she has epilepsy - ok, that is different then. I’d ask for help getting the youngest to school. Can’t any other parents take them for that short period? I’ve done that to help out another family.

Original poster

JoanneH12 · 22/03/2023 04:45

Hi all, quick update. I put a post on Facebook asking for help from the school mums/dads and have managed to sort it out. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:

DizzyLizzyKizzy · 22/03/2023 04:46

JoanneH12 · 22/03/2023 04:45

Hi all, quick update. I put a post on Facebook asking for help from the school mums/dads and have managed to sort it out. Thanks everyone.

Perfect!

SavedByDogs · 22/03/2023 04:52

That’s great news. People are often really helpful and kind n situations like this as you’ve found out.

All the best with your daughters operation. 💐

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