Keeping daughter off school?

[JoanneH12]

Hi all, my 12 year old daughter is having major surgery on the 5th April and she's gonna be bed bound for 6 weeks. My partner has just left me (not her dad), her dad works away Monday-Friday but he does have a week off for the initial surgery and whilst she is in hospital.

I'm worried about when she gets home from the hospital post surgery how I'm going to get my youngest (5) to school and pick her up again. I have severe anxiety anyway and my mum usually does the school run for me but she has just started a new job and my partner has been doing it recently. He was going to do it post-surgery but has today said he can't do this anymore and has left.

I feel like I'm going to have to overcome my anxiety and get her to school for the next few weeks until the operation but following that, I really do not know how I'm going to manage it.

Should I keep her off school for the duration? This seems excessive but I don't know what else to do. I have no other family who can help.

Thanks

Except a nt 12 yo SHOULD be able to be trusted to not try and do anything because they've got two broken legs. They're not at risk of having a fit etc. A nt 12 yo should be able to understand sit here, don't move, I'll be back in 45 minutes.

5th is Easter Wednesday. When do schools go back in your area op? Dad needs to push his AL until schools are back in if he can't shift his hours around

@SleepingStandingUp in the OP she didn't say two broken legs though, did she, she just said major surgery, which could easily be brain surgery or spinal surgery or something that requires full time supervision, but people chose to be difficult.

Speak with dad as he time off would be better spent when your daughter is home. Speak with your 5 yr olds school. They might have a suggestion of how to get over getting your 5 yr old to and from school

You leave the 12 year old home alone. Start doing it now and again asap and build up. They’ll be fine

@GoodChat no one was an arsehole, they didn't know the situation, you're talking with the benefit of knowing.... so don't be such an arsehole to others!

In that case OP, I think you need to use a childminder to take and collect the five year old.

@GoodChat is that ok what I've said? Or if OP drip feeds a reason why she can't use a childminder, does that make me a double arsehole?

Your 12 year old will be fine for an hour while you do the school run.

I suggested a childminder too so you're good

Read the thread.

@GoodChat I'd thank you kindly not to call me an arsehole.
The OP made it sound like she couldn't leave house because of anxiety issues so people were giving practical suggestions for that. Then OP gradually gave more information, which then changed people's stance and opinion. You sound incredibly righteous to say that no 12 year old should ever be left alone but that's not the real world we live in, is it? Plus that was before we knew about her additional needs. No offence to OP, but if people are going to ask for opinions or advice, they can't expect those opinions not to change when given further, relevant information. It's kind of like they don't know how MN works. I kinda suggest it's not us who are being the arseholes. Glass houses and all that shut...

@GoodChat, so if you've got it wrong it's ok? But everyone else is an arsehole?

I didn't directly call anyone an arsehole, but if the shoe fits.

The OP has anxiety and is worrying about her child having major surgery. Whatever that surgery might have been, "just leave her" is never going to be a helpful answer.

How can people be saying leave the 12 year old alone without knowing what she is actually having done ? Not many surgeries cause 6 weeks of being bed bound.

We know now

@GoodChat or reading that it was OPs anxiety that caused the issue, that's what it sounded like.

@DizzyLizzyKizzy the update makes no difference taking away the other issues
a surgery requiring 6 weeks bed bound is enough to say it’s not a minor surgery or a sore arm as it was compared to earlier.

But she still had a 12 year old with major surgery.

@GoodChat and a simple..... because if the nature of the operation and other health issues, she can't be left, maybe would've led to different responses?

She never had to disclose "medical history" etc?

But nevertheless, a five year old cannot miss 6 weeks of school.

So if we were given the info, more relevant answers may have been forthcoming.

Like your suggestion of a child minder!

The only surgery I can think of that necessitates bedrest is orthopaedic surgery, and any orthopaedic nurse will tell you their patients are usually perfectly well, just immobile and in pain. Nurses leave their orthopaedic patients’ bedsides frequently, and for longer periods than half an hour.

Of course it makes a difference 🙄

Exactly, and it is orthopaedic but obviously the other issues complicate things.

@GoodChat I'm not cindrella. I won't return the compliment and inferring you're one of the ugly sisters but if the shoe...yeah, whatever. Grow up.

If you bother to read any of my posts, I never once said leave your child alone after major surgery, I was merely stating that for those who did, it wasn't an entirely unreasonable suggestion, given they didn't have full details. Once they were revealed, people were able to give more useful opinions.

Yes, @DizzyLizzyKizzy, unlike some others I read all the OP’s posts, and the medical update made ALL the difference to my opinion. Look at the vote ratio, we were not alone in our initial impression!

I think if you're talking about being out of the house for half hour it's not unreasonable to leave a 12 year old for half an hour with careful planning.
It's unreasonable to let your anxiety impact on your children's welfare and that includes their education.
I don't doubt that your daughter has been told she'll be bed bound for a few weeks but does she really need 24hr care? If that was the date I'd expect her to still be in hospital or have a care package. Ensure you understand fully her rehab plan and what she should be working towards in terms of mobility and independence. Don't let your anxiety impact on her recovery by being too cautious.
Wishing your daughter successful op and speedy recover.